Tuesday, August 31, 2021

Diesel Cigars Sunday Gravy San Marzano in Review

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Diesel Cigars Sunday Gravy San Marzano in Review

WRAPPER: Ecuadorian
BINDER: Nicaraguan
FILLER: Nicaraguan

BLENDER: Abdel J Fernandez, Justin Andrews
MANUFACTURER: AJ Fernandez

FORMAT: Toro
ORIGIN: Nicaragua
INTENSITY: Medium

NOTES:
Milk chocolate | Spice | Nuts/wood

An aptly named offering that'd be quite at home in a rather upscale buffet. Creamy and comforting with much to stave off blandness. Good eats, in a smokeable form. Dense but not brick-ish and has fantastic depth of nuance. Well-rounded & balanced. Notes of milk chocolate candy bar envelopment. Gentle spiciness of white pepper flakes, nutmeg, clove. Braced goodly-so by a nutty woodsiness I read as pecan shell. Fleshier nuts are in there as is a kindly-scorched pinewood w/ buttery cedar elements.

Beefy in its middling with an added savoriness of pale toasted grains. A neat-O inherent sweetness. A consistent yet un-boring profile. Unerring. A dash of black & red pepper. Cinnamon hints. At the half, that cedar spins out on its own, evolving into a driving feature w/ its own cocoa butter accompaniment. Finishes long and full on the palate. Sating savory sweetness. A bit of ginger. Under-belly is where vegetation grows towards the back of a sandy beach. Sunny but not glaring. Moderately complex.

Cruise-control performance. Excellently paced burn, on a dead-even char. Thin mascara line. Smooth draws. Staunch of build--no softening whatsoever. Seams and cap assemblage are tight gate-to-wire. Smoke out-put is lush & plush, settling into a thick room-note of sweetness w/ slight pleasant spicy kick and tick of umami. Leathery, and in the second-half that supple leather floods the palate. Sumptuous. I at long last found a Diesel I like... a lot. My one peeve is that it doesn't dazzle, but I also believe it doesn't try.

TASTE: A-
DRAW: A
BURN: A-
BUILD: A

FINAL GRADE: A-
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

Other Diesel reviews:

Monday, August 30, 2021

Card Games in Sherlock Holmes Canon & Premium Tobacco Pairings Vol. 3 Poker

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Card Games in Sherlock Holmes Canon & Premium Tobacco Pairings Vol. 3 Poker

Here I am, back on the 3d of three Mondays where I'll be taking a brief look at specifically-named cardgames that appear in Sherlock Holmes canon. Each installment will include a bit of Sherlockian context, an overview of individual games, and finally, a recommendation as to premium tobacco (cigars & pipes) pairings. We began with Whist (you may read that by clicking here), then followed w/ Ecarte (HERE), and lastly in the here & now, comes Poker. There is your orientation; here is your content...

POKER IN SHERLOCKIAN CANON

The Valley of Fear [VALL] is Arthur Conan Doyle's fourth of four Sherlock Holmes novels. It's based on the true tale of Pinkerton agent James McParland's dealings w/ the Molly Maguires--and, as I'll say again in a short-bit, perhaps rather closely-so. It was published in serialized fashion within the pages of The Strand Magazine, running from its September 1914 issue thru till May 1915's. George H. Doran Company in New York published the book edition on Feb. 27, 1915. 

The Valley of Fear is at once an ambitious socio-political shot at sweeping epic, and too, a close to the cuff tight-retelling of history. While quite the page-turner, its non-linear style is at times delivered a tick toward herky-jerky disjointedness. It reads in spots like it doesn't want to be fully grasped. Also, we either get utterly lost in unreadable American pages upon pages, or treated to a tale of the wide-open wild Frontier which easily holds up to anything Louis L'amour could concoct. There are two camps here, I am of the latter.

But what do I know? Well, I know just one more trifle of potential interest regarding VALL--it's viewed by some as a sort of forebearer to the Hardboiled Noir genre within detective stories of years come later. All that aside, where our topic at (Poker) hand arises in its pages, is in that big sweeping American section that stands w/ A Study in Scarlett's same US feature at bookends of the four ACD Sherlock novels. Funny, how that is. Alpha & Omega, suckin' on chili dog outside the Tastee Freez. I think of that a lot, for whatever reason. I'll most likely address it more fully in due(ish) time.

Nevertheless, it is in America that Poker is mentioned by name because Poker itself is, after all, an American game. It hits the canon precisely via Bodymaster Boss McGinty's alibi. "This man was with me in my saloon, playing poker up till midnight, and I can bring a dozen to prove it." This is regarding the whereabouts of one *SPOILER ALERT* John Douglas/Jack McMurdo/Birdy Edwards, when he was, in reality, playing/not playing a careful role in the beat-down of old newspaper editor James Stanger with his supposed fellow Scowerers. 

Please note my complete omission of The Speckled Band [SPEC] in which Sherlock bends back into place another type of poker, entirely. On a final note, I have heard made mention of McGinty as America's Moriarty. That's nothing but absolute absurdity. 

ON THE GAME OF POKER

ze Germans played Pochen, a bluffing game, as far back as the 16th-century. This eventually evolved into Poque and did-so in France. From there, it can be traced to New Orleans USofA and by the 1830s, a refined version was beginning to be known as Poker. There are a gazillion variants of the game, and c'mon, we're all familiar enough for government work. No need to explore here. One thing... Poker was a draw-only game until the Civil War, when Stud was introduced. 

American roots aside, Poker is now a worldwide game, and a perennial family favorite, using say pennies as chips. Also, it's a high-roller casino game where degenerate gamblers move millions of dollars around amongst themselves. Not long ago, internet poker was a craze, and man, some of those incels made a bunch of Benjamins. I should probably digress.

Lest you think the origin of poker as mentioned atop this section is for certain at all, now read this from R. F. Foster in his 1937 edition of Foster's Complete Hoyle: "the game of poker, as first played in the United States, five cards to each player from a twenty-card pack, is undoubtedly the Persian game of As-Nas." Still, others point to the game of Bluff as birthing Poker. As to me, I led with my belief because it involves language tracking and that's nifty.

PREMIUM TOBACCO PAIRINGS

Whether played against grandma for pennies, or against Phil Ivey for more money than God can ante, Poker is ultimately a game of deception and subterfuge that requires a clear head. It also requires patience. Texas Hold 'em? MORE LIKE TEXAS FOLD 'EM. It can be rather boring of a game when played as tight as a nun's you-know-what. Deliberate. It's a deliberate and then it's a reckless game. Clear heads prevail each. Also, so does dumb fucking luck.

That said--grab something to smoke that's mild to accompany the daydreams in-between horrible reckonings. But most importantly and again--to keep that clear head. Plus, mild aromas and room-notes won't piss off Grandma across her kitchen table from you; or make you smell like an ashtray when you need to sell your body to the highest bidder to afford your bus ticket out of Vegas. Don't worry. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas--but then again Peoria or Schenectady Grandma knows... oh, you can just tell.

Think along the lines of these offerings linked below:


As far as pipe tobacco goes, I'd actually recommend OTCs like...


Thursday, August 26, 2021

Big Sky Cigar Co. Bighorn 2.0 in Review

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Big Sky Cigar Co. Bighorn 2.0 in Review

WRAPPER: Mexican San Andres
BINDER: Nicaraguan
FILLER: Nicaraguan

BLENDER: Carlos Sanchez
MANUFACTURER: TACASA

FORMAT: Toro (6.25x52)
ORIGIN: Nicaragua
INTENSITY: Med. Full/full

NOTES:
Red wine | Mocha latte | Fresh peppers

Peated Pinot Noir exists and you should look into it. Also, this offering bears tidings of that. Earthen & ripely fruity. A tick boozy and then-some--to the point of almost triggering a tannin sense on the palate. Berries, grapes, plum. Plum wine is another thing you should look into. Smoky but clean here. A quad-shot mocha latte. A backseat driver fresh pepper melange. Calmly invigorating, steadily entertaining. Structured well via an oak that evolves wine cask tendencies.

Complex and smoothly transitional. Via progression, peppers switch to the driver's seat. Dark chocolate and espresso become distinct and separate players--altho they still mocha-mingle in their nethers. A bit of black walnut, smoked paprika, and anise happen toward the half-mark. Prior to that, a beef jerky savoriness slowly-subtly enters. Well-balanced and rounded-out. Hefty but crisp body. The taste requires no guesswork but is deftly delivered in a never ham-fisted manner.

In terms of flavor and, as we'll see, performance--this 2.0 is a blazing improvement upon its first-gen offering. Burns on a razor-line. Grows dense white sheath ash. Draws smooth and sating. B I G smoke out-put both passive and active quickly culminates in a fruity-sweet soft-leathery room-note. Coming out of the half-way zone, that supple leather floods the palate as well. This is really ::: very ::: good. Exquisite, even. A superb after-dinner meditation. I'll leave you w/ this, as this Bighorn did me, Andes Chocolate Mints.

TASTE: A+
DRAW: A
BURN: A-
BUILD: A

FINAL GRADE: A
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

Other Big Sky reviews:

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::: very :::

Wednesday, August 25, 2021

Kaplowitz Media. Cigars of the Month (August 2021)

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Kaplowitz Media. 
Cigars of the Month (August 2021)
[Names are links to full reviews]





@kaplowitzmedia
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::: very :::

Tuesday, August 24, 2021

CAO Cigars Flathead V21 in Review

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CAO Cigars Flathead V21 in Review

WRAPPER: Mexican San Andres
BINDER: Connecticut Broadleaf
FILLER: Nicaraguan, Dominican

FORMAT: "Carb" (660) box-press
ORIGIN: STG Nicaragua
INTENSITY: Full

NOTES:
Wood-Leather | Black cherry | Hazelnut

Aggressive but by design; so not a flaw. An "abbreviated" fermentation process is a nice way to say I get a little ammonia where taste meets flavor in the schnoz. However, I also get a neat-O Dr. Pepper Cherry vibe and something like a fleshy hazelnut. Finishing out the primaries is a wood-leather thing--two notes, inseparably delivered. The wood is ~hickory, the leather, boot. A bit of a dusty trail. Road dirt slapped off a leather motorcycle vest.

That wood-leather forms a dense core of which the other top-notes orbit. In the further-flung regions of this galaxy exist baking spices, a bit of a mash bill, and a moor-full of unworked earth. Finishes in an elongated ghosting of undertones. Quite heavy & dense a profile. Weighty. Not entirely balanced. Moderately complex and less deeply nuanced than expected. I keep seeing Lemmy singing up-into his mic; throttle & throat open. My palate has a tick of road rash.

So how does this baby handle said road, if ya will? First, with a razor-thin straight char. Dense af pale ash sheath. Superb draw. Assemblage of seams, cap, shoulder holds fast, mimicking a white knuckle ride. Quite the smoky-smoke, though somewhat lacking in aroma, as that ammonia seeps in there. If you wanna smoke Rock n Roll, here it is. An adrenaline-laced thing that firmly applies balls-to-wall. Simple; and simply exhilarating. I'd prefer less excitement--this, in a smaller vitola. But I was born to be mild.

TASTE: B
DRAW: B+
BURN: A-
BUILD: A-

FINAL GRADE: B+
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

@kaplowitzmedia
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::: very :::

Monday, August 23, 2021

Card Games in Sherlock Holmes Canon & Premium Tobacco Pairings Vol. 2 Ecarte

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Card Games in Sherlock Holmes Canon & Premium Tobacco Pairings Vol. 2 Ecarte

Here I am, back on the 2d of three Mondays where I'll be taking a brief look at specifically-named cardgames that appear in Sherlock Holmes canon. Each installment will include a bit of Sherlockian context, an overview of individual games, and finally, a recommendation as to premium tobacco (cigars & pipes) pairings. We began with Whist (you may read that by clicking here), now is Ecarte, and lastly, comes Poker. There is your orientation; here is your content...

ECARTE IN SHERLOCKIAN CANON

When I was maybe 11 or 12 years old, my dad handed me a small paperback copy of The Hound of the Baskervilles. I stayed up all that night, taking the cover-to-cover journey. It proved to be my gateway into Sherlock Holmes fandom. Just like that, I was hooked. But enough about me. 

The Hound of the Baskervilles [HOUN] is the third of four Sherlock Holmes novels penned by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (ACD). Most notably (perhaps) it was the first re-appearance of Sherlock since his Reichenbach Falls faked death in "The Final Problem." I place parentheses around (perhaps) because another bit of noteworthiness is the lack of actual presence of the consulting detective. It's a palpable feel thru-out HOUN that ACD is reluctant to further succumb to public pleas for a Holmesian return run. But thanks to this book's success, that's precisely what happened. Even though the moor played a much bigger role than did the ever-popular sleuth.

HOUN was originally published in The Strand Magazine via serialized fashion; running from August 1901 to April 1902. It sits in the Holmesian canon in both distinction and oddity. Firstly, it is undeniably one of the better stories ever told and scored a perfect 100 rating among Sherlockian scholars. The oddity is the aforementioned lack of Holmes and the overall feel that those bits of him were plugged into the framework of an almost pre-existent spooky yarn. Also, it teeters quite far-over to the supernatural but only in a teasing red herring manner. I'll bring myself back in--when I grabbed my next dose of Sherlock (Adventures of), I was quite surprised by its differences. Nevertheless, here I am.

Nevertheless, here we are. Back to the cardplaying topic at hand. Ecarte, to be exact. It was mentioned in Chapter X of HOUN thusly: "Mortimer had stayed to dinner, and he and the baronet played ecarte afterwards. The butler brought me my coffee into the library, and I took the chance to ask him a few questions." - HOUN. As for those of you who are Doyleans as well as Sherlockians, you should know that Ecarte also appears quite prominently in ACD's How the Brigadier Held the King, a short story within the collection The Exploits of Brigadier Gerard. It strikes me as a very on-brand Trifle to have called Ecarte by name within such short mention. 

That reminds me... check out Trifles "A weekly show [podcast] about details in the Sherlock Holmes stories." HERE (not a sponsor). 


ON THE GAME OF ECARTE

Ecarte is an old nigh bygone casino game of French origin. It's a rather elegant derivative of the game Triomphe, & designed for two players. It is still (though exceedingly rarely) played today, however, it was all the rage back in the 19th century. A trick-taking game, similar to whist, but with a special and eponymous (the word Ecarte meaning "discarded") addition. This discarding aspect is one that both players must agree to after The Elder (the player opposite the dealer) makes the bid to begin said exchange. The Younger (dealer) has the power to nope the entire offer. Please note: Elder & Younger have no correlation to actual age nor ageism, ableism, racism, or sexism. Also, I do border on Piquet lingo here, & we soon will see why.

The rest of the game is all about discarding in order to improve your hand using new cards from the remaining pack. & speaking of pack, Ecarte is played with a Piquet Deck, meaning that the 2-6 cards are removed, leaving in-play only cards numbered 7-Ace. Prior to playing the initial card, whoever holds the King of Trumps can get a point added to his/her/their tally upon announcing said possession. Play starts w/ Elder leading the initial trick. If possible to follow suit, the other player must do so. Tricks are won by the highest card in the led suit. If trump cards are played--the highest trump wins the trick. If this now begins to sound a bit like Whist, it should. Plus, I already mentioned that.

There are also numerous additional ways to score points beyond simply winning the most tricks or holding the King of Trumps at deal. It honestly is a bit of a list of sometimes seemingly random events w/ points attached, but in no way as absurd as is Cribbage in that fashion. The game is played hand after hand until a player arrives first at a pre-determined amount. For more comprehensive rules and/or instructions, try looking it up on the internet, which you are already on.

PREMIUM TOBACCO PAIRINGS

More intricate or at least more involved than is Whist but still not difficult to pick up and play, one might wish for somewhat less of a nicotine buzz whilst doing-so. However, a nicely rich-flavored medium/medium-full tobacco experience will warm and perhaps even serve to focus you on your hand. Think of listening to Chillhop whilst studying. Also, it is much less a socially talkative game than others, with the bulk of chat inherent to the game itself. So that enjoying some pipe or cigar complexities will maybe keep your mouth and ears correctly shut and open. 

Think along the lines of these linked below:



... a Habano affair, see.



... a Perique/Oriental affair, see.

Spicy each, spicy all. 
"That's a spicy meat-a-ball!" - Alka Seltzer, 1969

COMPANION READING




@kaplowitzmedia
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::: very :::

Thursday, August 19, 2021

Big Sky Cigar Co. Mad Minnow (MM) in Review

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Big Sky Cigar Co. Mad Minnow (MM) in Review

WRAPPER: Habano
BINDER: Nicaraguan
FILLER: Nicaraguan

FORMAT: Solomon (4.75 x 44)
ORIGIN: Nicaragua
INTENSITY: Mild-medium/Medium

NOTES:
Dark chocolate | Black pepper | Salted caramel

Straight-forward profile with a visual flair. Said visual flair being a Solomon format--which can't be the easiest to roll. It's striking if not odd, to see it in this diminutive of a size. Dark chocolate, a lush silky bar of it. That particular note is backed by dark grain and at their minglings arises a black bread nod. Salted caramel evolves toastily and while a sweet profile, not a dumb cloying one. Black peppercorns brace staunchly, in a heighty but smooth fashion, and in lieu of wooden structuring.

Middling sees its share of woodsiness, a lightly charred cedar, accompanying hickory. There's a chicory note there, too, morphing into New Orleans coffee when the French roasted beans say "Bonjour" at the half-way point. My ex used to assure me that 'good things come in small packages.' but she was 5' tall, and a biased cunt. She's right here tho, in this almost curiously good little dog walker of an offering. Under-belly is black dirt potting soil... densely rich and tamped bitter-sweetly. The flavors do bitter-up some in the 3/3. Purge.

Performance-wise, it stumbles out of the gate, a thing not different for this vitola, but smooths on its own. The char-line evens, thins. Both rather quickly-so. Ash makes a 1/2" at a drop. Draws quite well, with a smooth nigh supple texture of smoke, covering the palate & filling the room with spiced bitter-sweet clouds. Brownie in the oven; hamburger on the stovetop. Really an excellent little break of a cigar. I already want another, & am for the first time glad to have two hounds to leash.

TASTE: A-
DRAW: A-
BURN: A-
BUILD: A

FINAL GRADE: A-
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

::: very :::

Tuesday, August 17, 2021

Rocky Patel Cigars Corojo Especial in Review

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Rocky Patel Cigars Corojo Especial in Review

WRAPPER: Corojo
BINDER: Nicaraguan
FILLER: Nicaraguan

FORMAT: Toro
ORIGIN: Nicaragua
INTENSITY: Medium

NOTES:
Ginger | Suede | Dirt

Spice over-top & on-ahead of pepper. There is a mostly gentle smacking of the smacker (kisser, not dollar) there--of mainly paler spice. Calm. Ginger, a bit of horseradish. Then white peppercorn. Again, robust but neither sharp nor aggressive per se. Warm not hot notes. A nice though somewhat dry-on-occasion buttery creaminess sidles up, tryna soften. There are, however, bay windows of gruffness.

Middlings are a hair lacking at first. Pinewood, a hint of cocoa butter, a boiled peanut vaguery. A somewhat nondescript sweetness--table sugar, say. Finishes on long tingly legs in an extension of primary notes and addition of salt. At the half, suede boots and the box they came in, come on. Nicely balanced then. Well-rounded, and structured thru-out. Engaging nuances and complexity. A resilient sunlit dusty hiking trail dirt core drives the profile subtly. 

The burn-line is a bit of a nagging mess but needs only a pair of quite slight re-touches. Ash flakes flakily and then-some. Runs a good bit hot about 1/4" from its off-center cherry. Smoke out-put fluctuates between moderate and that, plus. Fills the room with sweetly spiced suede savorinesses. The thing is a lot like daydreaming in a spring classroom--your schoolmate nudging you to stay awake. Pleasant overall, with a neat kick.

TASTE: B
DRAW: B+
BURN: B-
BUILD: B

FINAL GRADE: B+
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

Other Rocky Patel Reviews:

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Monday, August 16, 2021

Card Games in Sherlock Holmes Canon & Premium Tobacco Pairings Vol. 1 Whist

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Card Games in Sherlock Holmes Canon
& Premium Tobacco Pairings Vol. 1 Whist

For this and the next two Mondays, I'll be taking a brief look at specifically-named cardgames that appear in Sherlock Holmes canon. Each installment will include a bit of Sherlockian context, an overview of individual games, and finally, a recommendation as to premium tobacco (cigars & pipes) pairings. We begin with Whist, next is Ecarte, and lastly, Poker. There is your orientation; here is your content...

WHIST IN SHERLOCKIAN CANON

Whist makes its initial canonical appearance in 1891's The Red-Headed League [REDH], first published in The Strand. The tale was then again published a year later as the second of 12 stories in The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. We hear of the card game when Holmes harkens back to previous lamentations of Mr. Merryweather (Chairman of the Directors, City and Suburban Bank) regarding perhaps missing his scheduled game. 

While together in the vault and waiting in ambush for the wannabe bank robbers, Holmes says that he might have his 'rubber' after all. By this, he is alluding to the fact that there are four of them present there. You see, Whist is a game played by two pairs of players. A 'rubber' is a usually best-of-three series of games. Holmes even had a deck on his person, alas, they never did play. They instead went lights out in order to hide their presence from the unwitting crooks.  

The next occurrence of Whist happens in The Adventure of the Empty House [EMPT]. This was first published in Collier's in the United States in 1903, then later the same year in The Strand. This yarn gets spun three years after Sherlock's supposed death at Reichenbach Falls. We are introduced thereinto one Ronald Adair, the son of the Earl of Maynooth, and by all accounts an honorable man without an enemy in the world.

But then who murderized the poor guy? It is learned that Adair played Whist quite regularly and at several different clubs. We first read that he never gambled for any large stakes... until the plot thickens as we find out that he, in fact, won as much as £420 in his cardplayer partnership with Colonel Sebastian Moran. A man Holmes refers to as "the second most dangerous man in London." A man under the employment of Moriarty himself.

ON THE GAME OF WHIST

Whist is a later off-shoot development of the 16th-century game Trump or Ruff. It actually directly replaced the popular variant known as Ruff and Honours. Whist is English in origin and a trick-taking card game wildly popular in the 18th and 19th centuries. The rules are quite simple but do offer a modicum of strategic play. In the 1890s, a variant known as Bridge Whist appeared that would eventually beget Contract Bridge. Today, Whist is still played at events called Whist Drives.

From Collins Dictionary: "whist drive in British English NOUN a social gathering where whist is played; the winners of each hand move to different tables to play the losers of the previous hand"

A standard 52-card pack is used. The main skill is in using one's ability to recall, and react accordingly, to cards that have already been played; while reasoning out which have yet-been. Partners sit opposite one another and signaling back and forth is frowned upon entirely. Kinda makes me think of the British 'stiff upper lip.' The word Whist is, of course, of English origin and first documented in 1529. The mention there was regarding its aforementioned Ruff and Honours roots.

PREMIUM TOBACCO PAIRINGS

Sure, one of cigar smoking's natural habitats is at a card table. But there also exists a specific tobacco pipe for the same occasion--Poker Pipes are straight-stemmed and flat-bottomed things that allow the pipe to stand on its own on a flat surface (e.g. card table) while you regrettably toss the keys to your hansom cab into the pot, holding your soon-to-be losing hand in the other. Sucker.

AWARE – Always Wager Responsibly – National Gambling Helpline: 1-800-522-4700.

There-so, each main form of premium leaf imbibing is equally copacetic. Now for the particulars at-hand: whilst Whist gave eventual birth to Bridge, the world's most complicated card game bar-none, it itself is far from complex. In fact, it feels as tho many moves are made for you on account of circumstance and I'd put it on-par w/ say Dominoes in difficulty. That said, the clearest mind ain't needed here, so why not fog it up a wee bit? But let's not swoon... say medium-full w/ an air of excitability to stave off boredom & incite conversation. 

Think along the lines of these linked below:





COMPANION READING




@kaplowitzmedia
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::: very :::

Thursday, August 12, 2021

Stolen Throne Cigars War Council in Review

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Stolen Throne Cigars War Council in Review

WRAPPER: Habano
BINDER: Undisclosed
FILLER: Nicaraguan, Honduran

FORMAT: Corona Gorda
ORIGIN: Nicaragua
INTENSITY: Medium-full

NOTES:
Pepper-spice | Lemon meringue | Cocoa butter

I'm a Habano nut and SPOILER ALERT this here is Habano done ::: very ::: well. It brings both the pushin' spice and the cushion cream. Between the two is a neat-O bracing buttery cedar. Smooth suede envelopes the kitchen sink. Spices are orange-to-red. Saffron & smoked paprika lead. White peppercorn boatloads (in balance) and red pepper flake. Lemon meringue softens the blow. Cocoa butter. Quite intricate play therein the last two. 

Middlings feature Cafe au lait and a poultry-level savoriness. Milk chocolate. Pale grains. Underbelly is a chicken coop on golden dirt. The profile is both brighter & deeper than expected. Weighty but light on its feet. Complex AF, nuanced to beat the band. Finishes dense and full, on long intricate legs. Between finish & pull is clean. I'll take a swing at a knock here, lest I lose my critic cred. At times a cardboard lilt almost flits in, drying the corners of the tongue a tick. 

It burns just a half-bit hot-and-cold. Mascara line is thin and while at times slightly wobbly, always self-corrects post haste. The pacing does stop-and-go mildly but the out-put is even-keeled plentiful. The aroma and room-note are big selling points, w/ much of the menu lingering about you sweetly. No hard nor soft spots in the roll, seams hold tight. To summarize: excellent and perhaps even superb. Excellperb, then. A muse worthy of its own word. Huzzah.

TASTE: A
DRAW: A
BURN: A- 
BUILD: A-

FINAL GRADE: A
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

::: very ::: 

Wednesday, August 11, 2021

Old German Clay Model no. 3 Pipe Review

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Old German Clay Model no.3 Pipe Review

BRAND: Old German Clay
MODEL: no. 3 
SHAPE: Dublin

LENGTH: 5.01"
HEIGHT: 1.43"
BOWL DIA./DEPTH: 0.94/1.22"

FILTER: no
MATERIAL: Clay
FINISH: Black

The ultimate in "Put that in your pipe and smoke it" technology. Whatever you throw in it from plug tobacco to cigar butts, to perhaps the kitchen sink, gets incinerated. Also, the thing offers what I feel to be the straightest deal shoot in giving a blend a look-see. Big open draft draw. Does run hot hot hot, even for clay. [see incinerate] 

Does also accumulate dottle as if dottle was going outta style; my best bet is the wide shaft allows for copious spittle opportunities as well as billows of smoke the other direction. The dottle is all the more fodder for Sherlockian's leaving the stuff out to dry on their mantle for the next morning's bowl in remembrance of the consulting detective's famed MO.

Plainly, my go-to work pipe for reviews--lesser so for R&R chillen. Indispensible if necessary, this. Brutally efficient, even.

I mentioned Sherlock Holmes. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's model for his famed fictional character was the quite real Dr. Joseph Bell. The good doctor was a Scottish surgeon and lecturer who plied his wares and practice at the University of Edinburgh's medical school during the 19th century. At a particular lecture, he astounded the audience in a Holmesian way.

"Where did you leave your cutty pipe?" He asked a woman who he'd never met nor seen before. She had just been called up and hadn't yet uttered a single word. She slid a short-stemmed cutty pipe from her purse, astoundedly. A small ulcer on her lower lip. A burn scar on her cheek. These trifles were all Bell needed to offer a deduction amid his monograph.

I feel as tho her pipe was a lot like this pipe. 

FINAL GRADE: A-
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

@kaplowitzmedia
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::: very :::

Tuesday, August 10, 2021

Sir Walter Raleigh Pipe Tobacco in Review

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Scandinavian Tobacco Group (STG)
Sir Walter Raleigh Pipe Tobacco in Review

CATEGORY: Burley based
BLEND: Burley
FLAVORING: Anisette, Sugar

BLENDER: STG
MANUFACTURER: STG

CUT: Coarse cut
PIPE: Old German Clay no. 3
INTENSITY: Medium

NOTES:
Marzipan | Dark pepper-spice | Nuttiness

The anisette topping gets divided upon itself and falls into sharp almond oil extract pieces. Piercing marzipan. Imbalance. At the tilt's other-end is a separate nuttiness with non-distinct beef stock pepper-spice, darkly. A charred woodiness is nice but also in & out & in & out. In & Out--a bit of fast food grease coats the smoke-hole. Spill some cola in there, too. Dirty glass, barkeep.

I will say the complexity is at high-levels for an OTC--but too, that's where the try-hard teeters the profile toward/into unenjoyable. Nuance-wise, there's a lack of meat on its rigid bones. Zero fatty depths. Fails at delivering the smokeable comfort food vibe which I reach for codger blends to sate. Really, it's quite a demanding smoke with a lacking ROI.

Smokes nigh aggressively fast but almost curiously is impossible to make bite. Weirdly, when you try to over-smoke you actually get rewarded with a new thin-syrupy, not totes natural, sweetness. Aroma-wise, nothing hangs around long enough to fully engage the senses... for that matter, ditto on the finish. Although at times there is cloying molasses there.

Suggested musical pairing:
(in & out)
"She goes in and out and in
And out and in and out and in and out
She's playing all night
And the music's all right
Mama's got a squeezebox
Daddy never sleeps at night"
- Pete Townshend

TASTE: B-
AROMA: B
BURN: B+

FINAL GRADE: B-
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

@kaplowitzmedia
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Monday, August 9, 2021

On Taste vs. Flavor (& on Smell Plus Blowing it Out Your Nose)

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On Taste vs. Flavor (& on Smell Plus Blowing it Out Your Nose)

If you read enough cigar reviews, you'll eventually come across the term 'smell-taste.' Heck, I've used it myself. It's a lot like this... when I first started reviewing cigars I did not include a rating system. In other words, I simply wrote about the cigar I had smoked sans grading the thing. A review. No rating. My thought was, "Who the hell cares what Kaplowitz has to say?" I mean for crying in the sink, I wasn't even Kaplowitz Media. yet!

I refused to believe that somewhere there was a person who was looking into a cigar, and upon seeing Cigar Aficionado's then Cigar Journal's ratings--held off till they could find mine. "I'm holding off until Kap numerically weighs in," they'd say. Eventually, however, I acquiesced. Sorta. Hence the letter grade. To whom did I acquiesce? Readers more-so than manufacturers. Why am I telling you all this? I'm just drawing parallel lines. Smell-taste ain't going anywhere.

Quickly, TASTE is what you distinguish via your palate alone. Your taste buds. Mainly, this is limited to the primaries of sweet, salty, sour, bitter, umami. Interestingly, these are far, far less subjective than relating notes of marshmallows in hot chocolate, wet fence posts, or blueberries grown on the mountain's south-side during a rainier than normal season. So next time you hear a hack reviewer hide behind how subjective everything is--tell him I said take a hike. A flying hike. Off a short pier.

Taste is hardwired into your brain. Our brains.  It's akin to a universal language. Smell is not. I don't really know what that means but I think you can say then, that taste is not really all that subjective and possibly even teetering on being utterly objective [there are some interesting studies on this that I won't get into here]. Of all our senses, smell is most closely linked to memory--our memories are what are open to individual subjective whims. 

Now FLAVOR, that's a thing that incorporates both taste and smell. Again, TASTE AND FLAVOR ARE NOT SYNONYMOUS. Also, this outs 'smell taste' as being superfluous. We already have a word. I know this--now you know this--& so's to be clear, we both know it ain't gonna change a thing. And also again, I have a rating system. So what's smell? In our premium tobacco-centric sitch, it's aroma and room-note. Personally, I look at room-note as being akin to taste & flavor's finish. Dig? But into the palate, it doth creep.

But everything is all tied together and who was it that said a cigar engages all your senses? I forget too. And perhaps now I'm expected to speak to the importance of THE RETRO-HALE. The ultimate nose-engager. Sorry, that's an overdone and over-rated bit of silliness. Just sit with and in your smoke. Let it linger in your mouth. Chew it, even. Don't wave it away. Never rush. Take time with a wounded hand. No need to blow it out yer nose. Unless you want to for SUPER COOL IG SELFIES OMG. 

Seriously, you do not need to forcibly engage your schnoz.

These are actually funny times, these times. By that I mean everyone is hyping the importance of the retro-hale while everyone is also chasing pepper/flavor bombs. If people just sat with the smoke, most wouldn't need full-full-flavored offerings to begin with, and really--the last thing you want to do is retro one of those things. At this point, I've almost entirely forgotten why it was I began writing this article. 

Here's something else: my review categories for both cigars and pipe tobaccos feature TASTE and not flavor. They each also feature BURN, in which smoke is taken into account, further in which aroma and room-note are addressed. In full disclosure, it's not ideal but I feel it's less confusing than throwing FLAVOR in there and jangling together the two different face hole sensations everyone seems to confuse as one. 

Also, see the italicized sentiment above. As well as below.

Kaplowitz Media. "Face hole sensations."

@kaplowitzmedia
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::: very :::

Thursday, August 5, 2021

Big Sky Cigar Co. Bitterroot in Review

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Big Sky Cigar Co. Bitterroot in Review

WRAPPER: Habano
BINDER: Nicaraguan
FILLER: Nicaraguan

FORMAT: Toro (654)
ORIGIN: Nicaragua
INTENSITY: Medium/Med.-full

NOTES:
Spiced cider | Caramel | White peppercorn

Bursts out of the gate. Allspice, cloves, cinnamon. Brown sugar sweetens and extends into the finish as the gushing subsides. An apple orchard, fruit & wood, comes in quick on that in-between to add a neat effervescent bit and some excellent delineation via structure. That initial burst smooths-some into the 2/3 but maintains an even kick. Edges round-off as a caramel enters softly. I envision the thing's namesake river and also my Gypsy granddad riding a horse bareback alongside it. Fast. How odd.

Clean as a whistle sharpened into a shiv. At the halfway point, some cocoa butter and nougat begin to further cushion the pushin'. A bit of macadamia nuttiness. White peppercorn. Under-belly is clay soil with some pale grain savoriness. Brightly tethered into nifty nuance. Quite complex. Balanced well even when establishing itself with dominance in the opening-third. Apple notes spin-off into chamomile floral bits as it closes out in a lovely manner.

Features a super-smooth draw, for sure the highlight of its performance. Burns on a bit of a slight-wobble that gets a tick jagged in spots but requires zero re-touches. Does soften some ahead of burn, un-egregiously. If I wasn't wearing my critic's hat, I'd probably not register any of my bitching. Puts off a ton of smoky-smoke, culminating in a room-note of applewood in a fireplace, comfortably warming a leather chair alongside it. Thru a window, you can see the river, orchard, and Gyp on a horse.

TASTE: A-
DRAW: A
BURN: B+
BUILD: A-

FINAL GRADE: A-
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

::: very ::: 

Wednesday, August 4, 2021

On Tobacco Smoke Enemas & Phrase Origins (A Hack Writer "Blows Smoke Up Your A@*")

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A Hack Writer "Blows Smoke Up Your A@*" [on Tobacco Enemas & Phrase Origins]

I've been making much of ballyhooing this post as coming soon in other blog posts, on podcasts, & on streams--and have been for a bit now. Before we get started on this over-hyped bit of hackery... what's a hack writer? I mean, it seems apropos. 

Well, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle might've thought himself a hack, due to the commercial popularity of Sherlock Holmes. 56 short stories, four novels. He really cranked 'em out for The Strand. All the while, what he truly wanted to be was a more artsy-fartsy author. He even tried his 1891-1894 Great Hiatus from Sherlockian tales in an effort to separate from his most iconic character; alas to no avail.

As Mickey Spillane said of comparisons between Hemingway and himself in terms of sales "More people eat peanuts than steak." I must agree then digress. Let's more clearly define what hack writer means--it's a knock on one who rushes out words, on short deadlines, for money. It's a scenario that often falls short in terms of both quality & pay. But none of this is why you're here. None of it at all.

You are here (according to the hype mentioned atop) to do two things: 1) learn about the real history of tobacco enemas, & 2) find out if that bit of 1800s medical practicing led to the phrase we know today as 'blowing smoke up someone's ass.' Or someone blowing smoke up your ass. Or that person blowing smoke up that person's ass. You get the gist. #staysmoky fam! FAM!!! 

{Or you are here because you got lost on the way to somewhere else--but in a way aren't we all?}

1) ONE

I AM WRITING THIS ON STOLEN NATIVE LAND and also, it involves Native Americans--for it was they who first introduced the ::: very ::: idea of the tobacco enema. This was, for them, a tact typically employed to stimulate respiration. The White Man thought this was an excellent idea and shortly after that, so did The White Man across the bloody pond. But the thing is, it became kind of a thing once it left the grasp of its originators.

"Before bellows were included in the resuscitation kit, the results could be disastrous to the tobacco smoke blower." (British Columbia Medical Journal, Special Feature Tobacco Smoke Enemas.) Here, we can learn a pair of really important factoids in rapid succession: this was such a popular method that kits were created. Also, we see that the Native American idea of tubing was lost in translation and an awful lot of good samaritans maybe ate shit and died. No idea if this is the birth of that phrase.

Oh, and we also know that in the life of tobacco enemas as a fad of sorts (that's at least how I see it)--they went from stimulating respiration to full-on resuscitation. PRAISE JESUS! It's kinda like how doctors these days prescribe yoga and also how pot fixes everything. [image of pet rock]

2) TWO

Currently and since the 1960s, to "Blow smoke up someone's ass" means to insincerely, and using deception, stroke their ego w/ pretty words you know they want to hear. That's correct... the flower power hippie-dippy 1960's. A far cry from the Victorian Era.

Simply, there exists no direct visible connection between tobacco enema practice & the smoke-up-ass phrase. Not only that but what the phrase means also does not line up with trying to cure common colds and even un-drown drowning victims by sheer force of butt billows. I know, I know, meanings change... living language... blah blah blah.

For my 0.02USD on the matter, and I'm probably talking out my ass here, the smoke in 1960s question is more than likely in reference to marijuana and perhaps in cozying up to a person for a hit on a joint or some such shit. Fucking hippies.

BONUS CONTENT 'Talking out my/your ass' is to be taken as an accusation of a person having no idea as to what they're talking about--yet presenting it authoritatively. This both vulgar and slang term is used in the UK, US, and Canada. Sadly, I cannot readily track its origin. However, in mildly attempting to do-so, I did tire myself beyond even attempting to learn more about 'Eat shit and die." My, look at the time. END OF BONUS CONTENT

Penultimately and at so long-suffering last, please allow this hack to tell you how great you look in that shirt. Really makes your pretty eyes pop. I hope you enjoyed the tobacco enema of that previous sentence. & now ultimately, Hack is derived from Hackneyed, of a thing of no significance on account of being trite and/or overused. This smacks of schtick to me--as does this entire damned thing. With that, the jig is up.

Thanks for reading! & have a day.

@kaplowitzmedia
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::: very :::

Old German Clay Model no.15 Pipe Review

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Old German Clay Model no.15 Pipe Review

BRAND: Old German Clay
MODEL: 15
STYLE: Dublin

LENGTH: 6.06"
HEIGHT: 1.54"
BOWL DIA./DEPTH: 0.72/1.27"

FILTER: no
MATERIAL: Clay
FINISH: Natural, carved

Carved white clay pipes darken-up in just the loveliest way. More on that in a tick. First off, in maybe the most important test of any pipe--this pulls a bit snug. Definitely, a pipe to sip thru and perhaps not the most ideal for much beyond a loose-packed ribbon-cut 'baccy. Back to that darkening sentiment... the somewhat restricted flow can be seen in how the shank (a bit past the immediate bowl) brown-blackened way before the rest of it. But let's not over-state here--a pipe cleaner does pass thru reasonably easily.

As to how it feels in the mitt, light (of course) but notably (thus noted by way of notation) unbalanced. Wobbly. The bowl is spinny AF, see. That and the circular stem makes it tricky to clench even as far as very-tricky clays go. See: pipe notch. Lucky I'm not a clencher of neither pipes nor cigars, but if you are--move on from this 'un. On the plus and unrelated side, it does burn cool, again, for clay. I found the easiest hold was thumb-to-nipple under bowl and pointer/middle-finger atop the rim. 

Eventually, the nicotine patina does stretch to cover the floral-carved length of stem. That really is one of the prettiest sites to me--a black-oily pipe akin to Sherlock's. I really do believe that Doyle meant to portray heavy usage in his oily black sedimentation, more-so than a painted black. A final note here is that the stem does have a slight bend in it at the last half-inch prior to bit. Perhaps from when it was released from the mold. I wish I could grade this pipe higher, as it's legit one of my faves, flaws and all. Or perhaps on account of 'em.

FINAL GRADE: B-
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

@kaplowitzmedia
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::: very :::

Tuesday, August 3, 2021

Lane Limited Captain Black Royal Pipe Tobacco in Review

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Lane Limited Captain Black Royal 
Pipe Tobacco in Review

CATEGORY: Aromatic
BLEND: Black Cavendish, Cavendish
FLAVORING: Liquor, Caramel, Molasses, Sugar, Vanilla

BLENDER: Lane Limited
MANUFACTURER: Lane Ltd.
CUT: Loose cut

PIPE: Old German Clay no. 15 (white)
INTENSITY: Mild-medium/Medium

NOTES:
Vanilla | Honey | Apricot
 
Light, sweet, and both well-appointed and presented. Perhaps a bit saccharine but its dainty structure never gets sappy. Bright grassiness is a high-up under-belly growing from golden earth. Then citrusy wildflowers atop that. Next, come the overt but still mainly in-balance primaries of vanilla extract with a honey accompaniment. A separate & dried apricot sidles in. Some lightly roasted pale nuttiness heres and theres.

Neither complex nor nuanced all that much, altho the latter is out-ahead of the former, highlighted in dusty rays of sunlight. Brunch at a breakfast nook on a chilly spring day. The mass-produced framed pastel artwork found in nursing homes &/or waiting rooms. The aroma is precisely what a non-smoker would understand as to be pipe-smelling. It's actually quite nice... a floral fruity sweetness with a woodsiness that misses the palate.

Smokes rather fast. Ashes form quickly and dance in the bowl. Not hot per se, but fast. Active. Seems like it might bite if you let it. I feel as though it requires more than a moderate amount of re-lights. Smoke out-put is goodly and dissipates in no time. As does the slightly sweet finish. This whole experience begins to feel transient to the extent of ephemeral. Then it 

TASTE: B
AROMA: B+
BURN: B

FINAL GRADE: B
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

@kaplowitzmedia
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::: very :::

Monday, August 2, 2021

How to Find a Great Brick & Mortar Cigar &/or Pipe Shop

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How to Find a Great Brick & Mortar Cigar &/or Pipe Shop

Below I graciously offer gentlepersons five (5) tips/tricks on how to find a decent spot to haunt--whether you're putting down roots in a new locale, or find yourself just passing thru. They are in no particular order and, as a further user guide, there is no real need to find a B&M that ticks all boxes. I leave it to your discretion in finding your own order of importance, modus operandi. Illegitimi non carborundum

Ask the tobacconist or clerk "What's new?"
Simple enough, they should have an understanding of what was recently brought on-board and why it was. Plus, they should have an opinion of it--better yet a grasp on it 'nuff to place it on a map of Flavortown for you. As in, "You might like it if you like..."

Share what you like & ask for recommendations.
"I really enjoyed the [fill-in-the-blank] I just smoked. What do you have along those lines?" This will further suss out the knowledge level of the staff. Now, it bears mention, if what's new doesn't tickle your fancy, buy the recommendation, or vice-versa. It's a nice touch, not wasting folks' time. Active listening is important in any relationship. [insert string of failed relationships joke here.]

Periodicals are a good sign.
Whether tobacco-related or not, reading stuffs laid about is a good sight to see. Why? Because picking one up & sticking your nose in it will have you left alone if that's your druthers. Also, your fellow customers will be less prone to fiddle with their phones--which is a short trip to having loud phone discussions--if other options are available. 

Clean ashtrays, another good sign.
If smoking is allowed on the premises, clean ashtrays are a sure sign of an attentive staff. However, cleaning products should never be visible, this would show laziness, lack of thought, and could speak to it being a rarity that cleaning supplies were, in fact, brought out at all. I remember walking into a joint with a single over-flowing ashtray and visible Windex/bug spray combo in the showcase. I harumphed and bid my immediate adieu. I was all like, "Harumph, adieu!"

See what happens when someone leaves.
I recall visiting a shop once and getting sucked into a group of regulars. We spoke for a spell, friendly as can be, then one left. Immediately, the others began talking bad about the guy. Fuck that place. Leave and don't look back--just know they'll be bashing you when you do go. Toxic vicious back-biting bullshit. The previous sentence fragment is both what is on display & what to avoid.

There ya go. But do not forget there is no small honus here on YOU, the prospective new patron. There is etiquette in introducing yourself to a B&M--which will be delved into in a later post here. Until then, here's a short list of don'ts...

DON'T
  • Bring your own & buy nothing.
  • Be the Cubans-only guy.
  • Be impatient if others are being helped.
  • Smell a cigar you don't plan on buying.
  • Ask what the best cigar is.
  • Flaunt or bemoan your purchase.
Well, whattaya know? That's a pretty comprehensive don't list. Maybe I won't write a separate post, and maybe I will take a nap instead. See, I can be succinct & thorough--if being-so allows for some modicum of laziness on the back-end. This is hard work and I am no hard man*. 

*That's not what she said.

@kaplowitzmedia
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::: very :::
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