"I do not see why I cannot order from the kids menu." Me, to our Applebee's waiter.
"When I dine out, I simply want to be treated like a Queen." Me, to the Applebee's Kitchen Manager.
I won out. Plus, Mrs.Kap was comped a dessert. Classy as she is, she didn't cash in on it. I assume the waiter spat in my coffee. At least. At very least.
For a nightcap?
THE CIGARRocky Patel
Ecuador Habano wrapper
6 1/2 x 52 box-pressed Toro
Courtesy of Cigars City
PRE-LIGHTEach of the brushed silver bands looks like its own little homage to a Vaquero's belt-buckle. One at the typical banding local, and the other just below. Yes, double-banded. The main one declaring it an RP offering replete with logo, the secondary stating Fifteenth Anniversary. Not at all my visual druthers, but embossed, well crafted, and well affixed. They wrap around a truly lovely looking stick.
Dark waxy chocolate espresso even complected and when you look deeper for other hues in undertones, only other brown dimensions meet your eyes. Very deep, very rich. Very tight, near invisible seams, barely a vein beyond the spider variety and not an abundance of those. A heavy sheen sans a lot of shine, a sheen with many a depth. Nice smooth oily hand-feel with just enough toothy machismo grit to let you know its a cigar. The box-press adds to a great hand-feel nearly on par with a San Lotano Oval. Cap is beautifully affixed.
Upon Charmin-testing, a squeeze shows a -firm packing with some lively sponge, if 'pressed.' Not a soft/hard spots to be found. A peek at the foot echoes that density and shows an occasional strawberry blonde highlight on a sinfully decadent brown smoke-able canvass.
I nibble the cap and a perfect cold draw gives notes of rich dark chocolate, red spices, and coffee beans. In that order, if'n ya squeeze a fully dark mulch tobacco into the one-slot.
For crying in the sink, gentlepersons, I'm ready for the --
LIGHTToasting the foot gives off the aroma of roasting coffee beans past the second crack. First hot pull is of red and cayenne peppers settling quickly to a sweet dark chocolate finish. Second hot pull is retro-haled and mimics the first, while attaching a sweeter dark chocolate to the finish on the back of a hotter, more rugged red pepper flake draw. A third hot pull remains consistent and quite smooth, and the limited flavors, see no limit to their variances and swirling balances.
Burn is a tad wonky, but we shall see. Burn-line is razor+. Ash runs the spectrum of medium grey. Draw is flawless. As far as profile, we are already pushing the boundaries of medium, and doing so in incredibly smooth fashion. So smooth, that the body of the finish seems a bit area, the chocolate ramps up there and has a sense of being, while dark and deep, aerated.
ACT ICoffee takes a spot on the stage now, a Red Eye. Espresso poured into coffee. Baristas out there, be kind to those who order a Red Eye, they got it rough. Also, I always order a Red Eye. Red spices begin to sweeten a notch. Still, they have yet to clearly delineate. Red pepper has subdued, but will still keep you honest on the retro-hale. Each bit of heat, eventually becomes sweet, although not in a sickly way. Tobacco is very earthy, very much a mulch, a healthy compost, deep but not bogged down. Not abysmal.
The burn is a slow+ pace but has yet to even a whole lot. Still, a touch-up is not required. Burn-line is Razorville, Daddy-O and the ash comes on in sturdy rungs of even spacings.smoke output is -full and a light grey color. Very dark chocolate room-note with ebbs and flows of coffee beans. Foot-smoke is the same, with a deeper toasting, a heavier backing of mulch. All very kind, and very smooth. A fragrance which might entice even a non-smoker.
An slightly orange laced creaminess sets in on a leather backing. The chocolate amps up, but remains quite dark and not juvenile. Ash clumps off suddenly at a hair shy of an inch of cool oily powder. There is no new news to report, except that now we've hit the open road and we're really airing it out. Pedal to the medal and then through the floor flavors. Medium+profile with a bit of a lag in the strength.
It's all so garsh-durned titillating.
At the end of ACT I, there is so much luxurious easy smoke, that I very well might be surrounded by Ninjas, for all I know. I hope they at least let me finish.
ACT IIA grapefruit note appears first on the retro-hale only, then settles to each draw. It offers a nice addition to the mouth-feel, a cleansing one, but not a sweeping away. A lagging spot of wrapper requires a touching-up. All other notes re: construction hold true.
Just as the flavors threaten to separate too far from the body, we hit a cruising speed. All flavors are still on-board and I am nit-picking perhaps -- but I'd love a clearer delineation of spices.
At the halfway mark, roasted nuttiness and a seasoned cedar come on crisply. The burn has evened but not to perfection. Burn-line is razor sharp. Draw is still beautiful. Flavors hold and the finish is a chocolate cedar with leather backing and is of -full length but not of an overwhelming power. Smooth is the keyword here. There are also some red flowers on the retro-hale -- blood red roses. Dried. This cigar smokes like a Matador moves.
The ash fails to hit an inch and again clumps off unexpectedly. My schmatta/hankie yells up at me from my lap, demanding hazard pay. A subtle and roasted cayenne emerges from the spice rack, as do some lavishly exotic dusty spices whose names, if spoken aloud, would sprain yer tongue and have a Baptist minister spray you with holy water. They sprawl lively on my palate in complicated ways. Lovely, lovely unassuming yet powerful finish.
A tamed bull in a china shop with wide aisles. As we approach the final act, construction holds, smoke remains cool and smooth. A Barry White song begins to play in my mind. I don't know the words, so I hum.
Chocolate from Baker's to rich dark, spices too complex to share but mainly red and not all that delineated as cayenne has fallen back, creaminess, orange citrus, roasted walnuts, intermittent grapefruit, seasoned cedar, oddly exotic drop yer drawers spices, all on a leather backing.
The ash clumps again and exhibits the same characteristics. I'm thinking of getting a second schmatta/hankie.
The final act starts with not a mottling, but a tight reining in of the flavors. None fall off, but some hide within others. The order swirls around and puts me in mind of square-dancing. I cannot recall ever being put in that mind before. Dosey Doe. Did I say that right? Oy vey.
"What do you mean it's a mare?" Asks the Jewish CPA turned rancher. "Every time I ride the thing, everyone points and says 'Look at the the prick on that horse!'"
Another touch-up is necessary. Earthy cedar and leather chaps are primary. Cocoa is a close third. All other notes fall back further but remain. Perhaps the citrus leaves. Finish remains intact. Mouth-feel moistens a bit from a deepening mulch tobacco. Smoke remains cool. Draw is moolah. Pack holds wonderfully. Burn-line is a razor blade. Smoke out-put is BIG and kind.
I reach for my toothpick fully satiated and craving more like the hedonistic pig I is.
NOTESThe smoothness is so smooth, it threatens to lull you into a dullness. I'd recommend not allowing that to happen, gentlepersons. While there is not a lot of complexity, there are good nuances within the somewhat limited menu. This is what it looks like to master a trade or two and be a Jack of fewer.
On the negative side, burn and to a greater extent, lousy ash, were quite the surprise. Too, was a near mottled end and refusal of spices to delineate throughout.
Hot cocoa, Coffee w/ milk and sugar, spiced rum.
"I wanted a quiet dinner and you put on an asshole show," says Mrs. Kap, "I wish you weren't so likable."
Pick up this stick at Cigars City. Tell my pals there I said hey.