Deep in flavor. Deep in your mind.

Thursday, August 31, 2017

Shemptember Begins w/ Kapathon 2017

For a full and ever-growing index of Shemptember News & Events click HERE.
Shemptember is the month-long anniversary of Kaplowitz. (The project, not the person.)
'Tis the evening of Shemptember Eve as I excitedly type this up-on my Chromebook. And how do we kick-off Shemptember & its SPIRIT OF GIVING? Why, with KAPATHON 2017, of course! Up-on the four (4) hour Facebook Live video Kapathon 2017 completion, it shall be embedded below.

Beneath, humsoever, are links to where you can see it LIVE and DONATE.

www.Facebook.com/KaplowitzRadio
&
www.GoFundMe.com/Kaplowitz2
www.TeeSpring.com/stores/Kaplowitz

EDIT:
Seeing as the video quality was low on the live stream, I decided to post the audio-only version be-low:

All donations go toward maintaining and enhancing Kaplowitz.xyz and Kaplowitz Radio.

Songbird Retires, David Wright Should, & Crawford Forfeits

Just a quick looksie at a sports ticker, gentlepersons. Wherein the kings of American sports of the 1920-30s are highlighted -- because I am modern man:
(Horse Racing) Songbird, the two-time Eclipse Award champion daughter of Medaglia d'Oro, has been sent off into retirement after x-rays revealed damages and a bone chip to her rears, owner Mr. Rick Porter, announced this morning. The extraordinary four year-old filly was most recently sent to Rood & Riddle Equine Hospital after her place finish to Forever Unbridled in the Personal Ensign Stakes on August 26th. Stated Porter further:
"Over the winter, Songbird had bone bruising and a specific area was very slow to heal. She was finally cleared to return, but the three races from Songbird this year weren't what we expected from the bigger, stronger, and smarter Songbird. There were so many variables with her long layoff, shipping, tiring tracks, going 1 1/4 miles, and more, we were never sure which of the variables may explain what wasn't quite Songbird.
After this past race, we thought something seemed off in her hind end, so we sent her to Rood & Riddle for an evaluation. Her lameness was readily apparent to Dr. Bramlage, and ultrasounds proved both hind suspensories were enlarged. Since suspensories are usually the result of something else amiss and he knew of her history, Dr. Bramlage shot a set of X-rays of the area of bone Songbird had issues with over the winter. A distinct line on the bone was present. We followed up with a bone scan, and then an MRI.
Unfortunately, the results weren't what we wanted to see. We have a situation where it'd be dangerous for Songbird to continue training, and Dr. Bramlage isn't optimistic that the site will fully resolve even if given ample time. So for this reason, we are retiring our lovely Songbird. She was an absolute joy to race, and we expect that she'll be as wonderful a broodmare as she was a racehorse. She took us on an incredible and unforgettable journey." 
(Baseball) David Wright, the 34 year-old NY Mets once anchor, has been shut down in his rehab attempt as of a couple days ago. Said attempt lasted three mere games at High-A Port St. Lucie where he went 1-10 in a single start at DH and pair of 'em at third base. Up till that ill-fated stint, the Mets had been verily silent in regards to their man. Since enduring spinal stenosis and a herniated disc in his neck, Mr. Wright has played less than half-season on the big squad over the past three years. I think it safe to re-assume he's sadly met his baseball end. I am equally saddened by the taunts and disrespects I see hurled his way by fans of the organization. Frustration, I 'spose. Yet another nail in the coffin of an injury-plagued campaign. Yesterday, I dared don my Mets cap and no sooner than I did, rolled my ankle taking trash to the curb. I am currently day-to-day but may have to go on the 15-day DL.

(Boxing) Terence "Bud" Crawford yesterday abdicated his 140lb IBF crown. His first in 11 years unified reign lasted a slight 11 days after demolishing a game Julius Indongo on live and 'free' TV. This was done in light of IBF's making mandatory a defense against Sergey Lipinets. Mr. Crawford doesn't fear Mr. Lipinets (12-0, 10KO), for it is Lipinets whom should be schvitzing. Instead, this is Crawford being a business man amid alphabet soup chaos.

Top Rank vice president Carl Moretti wrote to IBF president Daryl Peoples:
"On behalf of Top Rank and Terence Crawford we would like to thank you and the IBF for allowing Terence to participate in the historic four-title unification bout on August 19. As always it was a pleasure working with the IBF. It had been a lifelong dream of Terence's to win an IBF world championship and to be recognized as undisputed, unified world champion.
Top Rank and Terence realize that the IBF is in a complicated situation with respect to the mandatory defense for the title, given prior exemptions leading into the August 19 bout. Unfortunately, the timing of the purse bid and the mandatory defense do not permit Terence and Top Rank sufficient time to consider the next step in his career. In light of that, and wanting to spare the IBF unnecessary and prolonged procedural steps, Terence respectfully relinquishes his IBF title. Thank you once again for the opportunity and we look forward continuing our relationship in future endeavors."
As to them 'future endeavors,' it looks as though Crawford is on course to meet the winner of Jeff Horn - Manny Pacquiao II in an easy and lucrative pay-day. My feeling is he makes a gate-keeper of Horn or retiree of Pacquiao. 
&
I'll see yous tomorrow (9/1) over at www.Facebook.com/KaplowitzRadio as I kick off Shemptember with four hours of live stream video beginning at 10am.

"To-day's the Day!" Kaplowitz Radio: August 30, 2017

Jacoub's Habano - Cigar Review

Gentlepersons, I have opened comments for this post. Many have asked "why no comments?" Well, ya got 'em now. I do this in the spirit of giving that is Shemptember, on Shemptember's eve. Chances are, on October 1, we go back to 'normal.' You have been keeping up on my Shemptember News & Events, no? Of course ya've been.
Jacoub's Cigars Habano in Toro

NOTES:
Combustion and construction are each a half-tick to the left a' moderate, but performance in full hits the Mendoza's top nicely 'nuff. Do, humsoever, keep a flame at the re-touch ready. Too, needs puffed in double/triples and purged hither and thither. Notes include: a cocoa buttery somewhat muted/mottled lemony mulling spice piquancy. Leathery hardwood middlings, and fusty dirt underbelly. Bitters some nigh its half via an acidic blonde coffee addition, till cream and sugar hit coming outta that section.

FINAL GRADE: B
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

WRAPPER: Habano Colorado
BINDER: Java
FILLER: Nicaraguan & Costa Rican

STRENGTH: Medium
ORIGIN: Dominican Republic
IN (sports) ADDITION:
(boxing) Rocco Francis Marchegiano (Rocky Marciano), swarmer for the ages and newly re-revered holder of 49-0 record, died to-day in 1969. He was a day away from turning 46. Rocky was being flown in a tiny Cessna pointed towards Des Moines. It was dark. The weather, bad. The pilot, green. May his memory be for a blessing.

Rocky Marciano, Jr. is currently calling for an asterisk to be placed after Mayweather's 50, in regards to its strength of opponent. Funny. Whist I am on the record as enjoying Marciano's well-deserved resurgence of legacy in light of his vaulted 49 being passed -- I don't think strength of opposition should be the particular stone thrown in this particular glass house. I remain not one to condemn a boxer, the era in which he plied his trade, humsoever.
(baseball) The Trolley Dodgers of LA are knee-deep in the first substantial losing streak of their juggernaut-esque 2017 season. Their pace is still one for history, on-par to match the 2001 Seattle Mariners 116 Ws. Along the way, there hath been no small amount of Hollywood theatrics by way of comebacks and walk-offs. My fear for them is that hasn't gone into a winter hibernation, likely to be awaken from for a spring run at fall pennant -- it's just stopped being enough. Down 6-0 to the D-Backs yesterday; they ended with their fourth in a row loss at 6-4. Coming up short within yer modus operandi context, is way more dangerous than getting temporarily shellacked. Transversely, how's 'bout them Cubs? Now there's a timely awakening.

IN (fashion) ADDITION:
A gentleperson writes: "... trucker hats? ..."
Answer: yes. YES, even.

NEWS:
I'll see yous tomorrow (9/1) over at www.Facebook.com/KaplowitzRadio as I kick off Shemptember with four hours of live stream video beginning at 10am. Are you ready for some football? Me too. On November 2nd.

BREAKING NEWS:
(horse racing) Two-time Eclipse Award recipient filly Songbird was retired this morn. More on that in a future, later to-day, post.
"To-day's the Day!" Kaplowitz Radio: August 30, 2017

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Odds & Ends August 2017: Ringside Report, Flannel Fashion, Shemptember, GoFundMe, & Stickers

Please to look for these Odds & Ends posts monthly; typically more towards the ides.
I'm out here commuting twixt porch office and carport lounge, sucking on a Panacea Red 760, preparing for Shemptember News & Events. First on the docket is the 9/1 Kaplowitz Radio Facebook hosted (4) hour LIVE VIDEO STREAM direct from my aforementioned carport lounge. This begins at 10am Pacific, and hey! -- stop by if yer free. I'll put ya on, and ain't it fun being put on?

Then comes JEW SMOKE (9/15), then the slow unfurling leading up to my Top 10 Cigars of the Year list (9/30). Keep yer eyes peeled for info along the way. Ah, Shemptember. Excellent flannel-time. More on that in a tick.

Butt first, like a breech birth...

GOFUNDME:
I have set up a GoFundMe page, because the spirit of Shemptember is the spirit of giving, gentlepersons. This pledge drive shall run from now through September 30th, and all proceeds shall go toward enhancing www.Kaplowitz.xyz and Kaplowitz Radio. The link to contribute is HERE.

& now, flannel. In August 16th's Jas Sum Kral Exclusive Release - Cigar News (& 10 Rules: Wearing Flannel Shirts), I left out one quite important bit of information. I was made aware of my own remiss in missing this by a gentleperson asking me, to paraphrase, 'which colors/patterns of flannel should I wear?' I answered in "To-day's the Day!" Kaplowitz Radio: August 30, 2017, but too shall amend herein:

*11* RULES OF WEARING FLANNEL SHIRTS

  1. No button-down collars
  2. Do not button cuffs, rolling is fine
  3. Only wear a tapered cut if you are tapered
  4. No need to match colors in plaid to other attire
  5. Sweatpants and blue jeans are each acceptable pairings
  6. Wrangler and Levi's are aces, a pair a' them
  7. Do not tuck into pants
  8. White undershirts/wife-beaters are OK, un-mandated
  9. Leave at minimum, the top two buttons un-done, open is silly
  10. Un-flannel plaid shirts are a no-no
  11. *Brawny pattern'd black w/ red, white, or blue is optimal*

RINGSIDE REPORT, KAP'S SMOKE RING
I have been given the opportunity to pen a weekly boxing column exclusively over at Ringside Report. There's just one thus far, but do get in on the ground floor and check out Kap's Smoke Ring vol. 1: Rocky Marciano, Floyd Mayweather, JR, Andre Ward, Gennady Golovkin Vs Canelo Alvarez & More… All my articles there will eventually be archived HERE. 'Tis simply me and a stream of boxing consciousness o'er the length of a stogie. Every Tuesday.
SPONSORS:
I'd like to take the time to welcome two new sponsors to Kaplowitz, Drew Estate and Cattle Baron Cigars. If you are looking to advertise, please give my Media Kit a looksie.

THE OFFICIAL KAPLOWITZ STICKER:
Stickers! Customize whatever ya got and wherever ya go with the Official Kaplowitz sticker! WOW. Reserve yours now by clicking HERE. An excellent way to toss a few Shemptember shekels my way and get a lil somethin' back. Limited run! Very boutique! Offer expires in 21 days!

NO-PRIZE OPPORTUNITIES:
Gentlepersons, share this post on Facebook or Twitter and said and coveted No-Prize shall be yours in the form of a mention at my blog and/or podcast. You'll be famous! If not greatly appreciated. Find (& tag me in yer share) at:
www.facebook.com/Kaplowitz
www.facebook.com/KaplowitzRadio
www.twitter.com/KaplowitzRadio
"To-day's the Day!" Kaplowitz Radio: August 30, 2017

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Rm 101 Hit & Run - Cigar Review Redux

Hit & Run
654 Toro
Original write-up: 

(redux) NOTES:
Overt bitterness dulls to sharpness then tanginess. Pin-hole tunneling and heated shaft abate in the mid's sweet-spot but top-leaf becomes laggy, mandating a pair a' re-touches. Comes outta that to end in burnt oat bitterness. Shoulder suffers at band-point. Leather, milk chocolate, nougat, car-a-mel, butterscotch, cedar, oak, and diner joe.

FINAL GRADE: B
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59
WRAPPER: Ecuadorian Habano
BINDER: Indonesian
FILLER: Dominican

STRENGTH: Medium
ORIGIN: William Ventura, Dominican Republic
NAME DROPS: Matt Booth, Robert Caldwell
Sample courtesy: Toar Campbell, www.CigarSmoke.net.

Monday, August 28, 2017

Jacoub's Maduro - Cigar Review

Jacoub's Cigar
Maduro Robusto
NOTES:
A well-'nuff built, performing cigar. Notes:black pepper, chocolate, ripe fruits. Wooden-coffee bean hither and thither. Thins some as smokes. Stays clean and don't bitter.

FINAL GRADE: B
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

WRAPPER: San Andres Maduro
BINDER: Nicaraguan Habano
FILLER: Dominican Corojo 98 

STRENGTH: Medium-Full
ORIGIN: Dominican Republic
IN (related) ADDITION:
EDITOR'S NOTE:
I mistakenly called this a "house blend" in my original write-up. It is now sold in 38 states as well as abroad. My apologies.

IN (unrelated) ADDITION:
There are only two (2) more days to get yer OFFICIAL KAPLOWITZ TSHIRT.
READ: Shemptember News & Events. It's jus' 'round the corner!
Also, read my latest Gentlepersons Weekly Newsletter -- and sign-up to get more.

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Mayweather - McGregor: 10 Thoughts - 10 Rounds

ONE: Boxing remains the combat sport platform par exccellence for big events and purses. MMA, Mixed Martial Arts, under which boxing should fall -- is not nor will ever be, that vehicle.

TWO: It was actually much like Archie Moore vs Mike DiBiase. Except Moore didn't wait 8 rounds to start throwing leather. "On March 15th 1963, Archie Moore "The Mongoose" an utmost pugilist of the ages, fought his final bout. It was a victorious swan-song, ended in round three of a scheduled 10 whenst Ref. Dick Moll stepped in and ended it. The professional wrestler Mike DiBiase, had enough. He also had a nasty cut 'round his eye. Took a helluva shellacking. Moore went out on lop-sided cross-genre'd mismatch top." (Floyd Mayweather vs Conor McGregor Prediction)

THREE: Mayweather performed  la Michael Jordan in a Wizards uni. Well beyond his sell-by date. Funny how we spent our sunrise and sunset in diapers. Funny too, how talent is seen in each, it's just the trigger can't be easily pulled. Trigger-pulling zeniths are career zeniths, gentlepersons. Bupkis more, bupkis less.

FOUR: The first three rounds looked like a pro sparring with an amateur. Which is what it was, in essence. It just smacked me then how much-so. I thought the fans would riot if it lasted much longer. Mayweather was allowing him to throw awkward punches, splitting and dissolving his own guard. Meanwhile, a rookie McGregor was "battering" Mayweather's guard.

FIVE: McGregor threw an awful lotta hammer punches. I thought there were strict repercussions had he slipped into MMA attacks. Will we hear more re: this? I believe the purse would be held up, as well as other even more brutal punishments, had they be deemed mandated.
SIX: A combination through and past mid-point of a stiff McGregor and carrying Mayweather made for pitter-pater head-hunting feeling outs, and the look of an overtly scripted fight. I do not believe it was. Why bother, quite simply?

SEVEN: Many are yelling the stoppage was early. McGregor looked sliced and diced at the ninth stanza's end. 'Twas a good stoppage -- but I feel they all are. Them punches hurt a lot less now and in the future, when yer yelling at the third man in the ring from yer beer spilt La-Z-Boy.

EIGHT: McGregor was gracious, ultimately, in his defeat. But was he brave and/or ballsy? Dunno. Not much punching power was threatened at him. Yet he did run the risk of looking rather silly. He didn't look "ratherly" so.

NINE: Many a time, McGregor looked like an amateur or  bare-knuckle old turn of last century English pug. Or an extremely tall man hailing a cab; lead arm extended out and straight. But he switched the lead sometimes, and then he looked like a rock em sock em robot. Mechanical, plastic, squared, and stiff. Still somehow charismatic, tho. Ah, thems Irish eyes.

TEN: The genius of Mayweather the promoter, the fight maker. This was not only the only match he could win -- but he also made it the most lucrative. Hopefully lucrative 'nuff to keep the IRS at bay.

IN ADDITION:
I spoke to all this and more in my "Dad, I Can Walk" Kaplowitz Radio: August 27. 2017 go. Please do give a listen, gentlepersons. Too, check in on what's coming up at Shemptember News & Events.

Oh, just one more thing: BUY AN OFFICIAL KAPLOWITZ TSHIRT. There remains only three days left to order.

Saturday, August 26, 2017

18 Sabbaths Cattle Baron Bull Cigar Review: 17th Sabbath

Gentlepersons, have yous listened to...
"Wild Thing" Kaplowitz Radio: August 23, 2017?

Have ya been checking up on...

& have you bought an...
Cattle Baron Cigars
Bull 4 1/2 x 58

WRAPPER: Nicaraguan Habano
BINDER: Dominican
FILLER: Dominican Seco, Nicaraguan Viso

STRENGTH: Medium-Full
ORIGIN: De Los Reyes, Dominican Republic
NAME DROPS: Phil Zanghi, Debonaire House

HERE is a write-up of the Cattle Baron blend in its Trail Boss vitola.
HERE is me talking about the Cattle Baron blend in its Stockyard vitola.

Find out more about this, my 18 Sabbaths project, by clicking HERE.

& now without any further ado, adon't or amaybe -- lettuce look at this week's Cattle Baron, gentlepersons. The 17th week with it. Just one more Sabbath. So many memories and moments. Ya know what really makes thems last? 

Pictures:
Each photo can be enlarged by clicking on it, gentlepersons. I retouched and knocked a clump'd bit of binder off after the final picture was taken, to finish even-lined 'nuff.

Support Kaplowitz:
Gentlepersons, I am raising funds. My mom needs an operation. Her back is as broken as was Mike Tyson's. Spinal. Not really. I simply need funding to maintain and grow my writing and talking. Also: new shoes. Please donate a few shekels via PayPal HERE.

Another way:
Is to simply share posts ya like with yer social media friends. Posts ya don't like? Share those with yer social media enemies. Also, don't forget to tell folks about me when you haul your fleshy tuchus away from the computer and out in-to the "real" world. Be gentlepersons wherest-ever ya may roam. & thank-you!

Friday, August 25, 2017

Floyd Mayweather vs Conor McGregor Prediction

On March 15th 1963, Archie Moore "The Mongoose" an utmost pugilist of the ages, fought his final bout. It was a victorious swan-song, ended in round three of a scheduled 10 whenst Ref. Dick Moll stepped in and ended it. The professional wrestler Mike DiBiase, had enough. He also had a nasty cut 'round his eye. Took a helluva shellacking. Moore went out on lop-sided cross-genre'd mismatch top.
There ain't nothing new under the sun except of course for fidget spinners.

It's impossible to tell the tale of how McGregor might win. His "keys to victory" are both too many and none. The brain then wanders to thoughts of a conspiracy, as if selling this to the public ain't 'nuff of one already. (Although buys are somewhat lower than they'd hoped -- it's OK -- Money's money is of the guaranteed varietal.) 

But what if Mayweather bets a wad on himself, then dives? He's a gambler. A gambler who gave himself the nom de ring "Money," not "Zero" or "Undefeated" or "Honest," "The Reader," etc. Then a rematch is a natch... Or what of a pre-planned injury stoppage? Same rematch deal. Heck, maybe the bet too. I mean it's not a mutually exclusive scenario necessarily.

Or, what if McGregor catches him with a... a... something that no one has caught him with before. No one, writ large and including several notable professional pugilists with records deeper than the Irishman's 0-0-0. So, it's a battle of the undefeateds, you say? Here's my credit card! Schmuck. Maybe there's a chance Mayweather aged like Jordan in a Wizards uniform.

Then what of Money toppling Marciano's record of 49-0? This, simply: remember a bit ago when Giancarlo "Don't call me Mike" Stanton mentioned the home run record of Roger Maris being his goal. 61, not 73. Time does that. And look, they even put Selig in the Hall. The bum that let all the juice get juiced. I digress.

So watch the dang thing, gentlepersons. There'll be a free stream somewheres. Not that I condone that. Live a little. Maybe it'll become bigger than the event itself; as that's the magic of sports. My son getting a game ball after we sat through a 20-inning A-Ball show-down and then July 5th fireworks. It'll be that time when history repeated itself and Archie Moore smiled sadly/knowingly from the great purplish aboves. Then you remember? -- that was also the time you ordered yer OFFICIAL KAPLOWITZ TSHIRT.

Dirty Sanchez

Forgive, gentlepersons, the perchance un-kosher post title. I simply felt the need to show the New York Post and their headline "Banchez," exactly how it's done.
By now, if you cared to, ya've heard a' the Detroit Tigers and Damn Yankees three (3) bench-clearing brawls ballgame. The low-light of all being the behavior of one Gary "Dirty" Sanchez. And what, exactly, did Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez tell this poor young man at their now famous meeting? I mean Miguel Cabrera started the whole dang ball of dung rolling, but the Sanchez sucker-punches took the shame cake, for soiten. A move that Pedro Martinez is right in pointing out, will haunt him for some time. League-wide. Good.

Lettuce break now, to take a roll-call of ejections:
  • Thompson (Coach) 
  • Betances (Relief Pitcher) 
  • Cabrera (Designated Hitter)
  • Romine (Catcher)
  • Girardi (Manager) 
  • Kahnle (Relief Pitcher) 
  • Wilson (Relief Pitcher) 
  • Ausmus (Manager)
Hats off to them "boys being boys."
What now follows are some random thoughts I shall delve into further on the 8/27 Kaplowitz Radio go. [I shall link that HERE whenst aired.]

What about the Ghandi of Detroit, one Mr. Something Martinez? The Tiger whom chatted it up with "Dirty" Sanchez after the guy sucker-punched his teammate? JustinVerlander was rightly pissed. But why are the peacemaker commentators so upset with him? They're calling the brawl a black eye to the game, but throwing the pacifist under the bus? It don't add up.

Many are blaming the umpire for losing control. In fairness, how would ya maintain said control? Plus, the fella looked to be barely of Bar Mitzvah age. A green blue??? Sure, 'twas a game twixt a terrible team and one tenuously holding onto wild-card hopes. Why not a green blue?

Now the 'They' wanna “ban bench clearing brawls.” Automatic suspensions are being called for if you run onto field? Does MLB want to stem this? Of course not; or at least they shouldn't. Would we be talking about this schlep of a match-up if not for a lil extra-curricular fun?

Manager Joe Girardi blames the umps? His Damn Yankees are the ones fighting for the playoffs. He should look in the mirror.

And what about James McCann? Body-slammed, then beaned in the head, then homers! That, gentlepersons, is both how it's doned and why helmets are donned. (My recommendation to "Dirty" Sanchez is to wear two from here on out.) Let these guys duke it out, I say -- from the comfort of my own couch. 
Brawls are a part of the game, particularly here in the game's dog days of summer. Ya gotta love it, or look into Soccer. Hey, non-Canucks pretending to love Hockey; check out Baseball whenst the benches clear. Plus, no one flashed gang signs a la the NFL... so we got that going for us, which is nice.

Weekly Recapitulation Volume XII

Read up on up-coming Shemptember News & Events.
Then gear up with the OFFICIAL KAPLOWITZ TSHIRT.
KAPLOWITZ BLOG POSTS
Cigars of the Month List
Shemptember News & Events
18 Sabbaths Cattle Baron: 16th Sabbath
Jacoub's Corojo - Cigar Review
Brief Q&A + No-Prizes Awarded
Cornelius & Anthony Daddy Mac - Cigar Review
The Schmatta: Its Uses & Etiquette & What is it?
Drew Estate Undercrown - Cigar Review Redux
SPECIAL EXCERPT: Shemptember News & Events
Flatbed Panacea Red Grande 760 - Cigar Review Redux

KAPLOWITZ RADIO PODCASTS
"Casual Encounters" Kaplowitz Radio: August 20, 2017
"Wild Thing" Kaplowitz Radio: August 23, 2017

A Review of Recent Grade A Cigar Offerings

"And find I'm A number one,
Top of the list.
King of the hill --
A number one."
- Frank Sinatra, New York, New York
Gentlepersons, below is a list as shallow and pedantic as Lois Griffin's meatloaf. Yet too, as titillating as Meatloaf's one thing he would not do. It is a list of recent (August '17) cigar offerings I found to be worthy of A (A- to A+) review ratings.

IN ADDITION:
Firstly gentlpersons, please give "Wild Thing" Kaplowitz Radio: August 23, 2017 a listen. Thank-you. Secondly, keep checking back at Shemptember News & Events for B I G news at it unfurls. Thank-you again.

THIRDLY:
& file this under the already-mentioned Shemptember News & Events: all these monthly Cigars of the Month shall be pooled to-gether from Shemptember last ('16), to Shemptember next ('17). The best of each month shall then be named. Then two shall fall away. THEN, the remaining ten put in order. Viola! Cigar of the Year. All unfurled before thou, gentlepersons. Wowth!

Oh, just one more thing: BUY AN OFFICIAL KAPLOWITZ TSHIRT.

Thursday, August 24, 2017

Flatbed Panacea Red Grande 760 - Cigar Review Redux

Flatbed Cigar Co.
Panacea Red 760 "Peace Maker"
7 x 60 Chubby Double Corona? Stubby Toro Gordo?
NOTE:
Constructed with tight seams, draw. Burn-line's prone to blistering-curving, and some filler hardens as it chars. Notes are drying to the palate, led by Indian spices spiking hither and thither from baking spice base-line. Charred oak/nut-shell middling. Under-belly of stiff leathery clay. Car-a-mel mocha flirtations rise-fall as smoke progresses.

FINAL GRADE: B
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59
WRAPPER: Brazilian Maduro
BINDER: Habano
FILLER: Dominican, Nicaraguan

STRENGTH: Medium
ORIGIN: Dominican Republic

OTHER REVIEWS A' THIS BLEND:
Flatbed Panacea Red Grande 760 "Peace Maker" - Cigar Review
Flatbed Cigar Co. Panacea Red Habano - Cigar Review
Are you excited about Shemptember News & Events? Of course ya are!
Just one more thing: BUY AN OFFICIAL KAPLOWITZ TSHIRT.

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

SPECIAL EXCERPT: Shemptember News & Events

Sometimes news is so B I G that it stands alone. Keep checking back at my Shemptember News & Events post for updates re: festivities in the month of September. 

SHEMPTEMBER LIST OF EVENTS:
September 1st A four (4) hour Facebook Live Video
September 15th JEW SMOKE, A Kaplowitz Festival
September 30th Cigars of the Year Top 10 Announced

EDIT 8/23

THIS

IS 

YUGE.

You can now order THE OFFICIAL KAPLOWITZ TSHIRT.
It might arrive late for this year's Shemptember/Jew Smoke celebrations... but think of it as early for next year's! GEAR UP, gentlepersons. Click HERE to order now!!! (Not available in orange.)

Drew Estate Undercrown - Cigar Review Redux

Firstly gentlpersons, please give "Wild Thing" Kaplowitz Radio: August 23, 2017 a listen. Thank-you. Secondly, keep checking back at Shemptember News & Events for B I G news at it unfurls. Thank-you again. Now, lettuce take a looksie at to-day's cigar:
Drew Estate Undercrown
Gran Toro 652

WRAPPER: Otapan Negro Último Corte
BINDER: T52 Connecticut River Valley Stalk Cut & Cured Habano
FILLER: Select Brazilian Mata Fina and Nicaraguan Cuban Seed
ORIGIN: La Gran Fabrica SA, Nicaragua
Photo: Snack Tray
Being no stranger to the Undercrown line, and in fact a big fan a' it, I've reviewed this original offering in its Churchill, Robusto, and Corona Viva iterations. This is the first I've reviewed of it or any Drew Estate offering since their becoming a sponsor of this site. I thank them kindly for doing-so. Since that is the situation, I will not be offering a final grade herein; simply my view of the experience. So, without any further ado, adon't, or amaybe lettuce away...

  • Draws smooth
  • Burns even
  • Seams and density hold firm
  • Ash builds silvery thick
  • Moderately paced and vein'd
  • Verily smoky off each end



  • Black pepper
  • Mulling spice
  • Semisweet chocolate
  • Sweet cream
  • Pipe tobacco
  • Leathery oils
  • Red fruit syrups
  • Dark grains, toasted
  • Sarsaparilla
  • Anise



  • Richly well-rounded & balanced
  • Substantial but not heavy
  • Consistent not transitional

Flavors: Medium
Body: Medium-full
Strength: medium
IN ADDITION:
Gentlepersons, the famed lore behind this blend via the company site reads:
"In early 2009 we asked our torcedores to smoke less Liga Privada cigars because they were leaving too few to be exported. This request was met with the disappointment you would expect, but rather than being disgruntled they responded by blending their own signature liga.

Incorporating many of the same rare tobaccos, but of different vintages and primings, the cigar they created was no mere replacement. Rather it is an exceptional smoking experience of uncompromising quality and flavor that deserves to be smoked by all."

IN (further) ADDITION:
Support Kaplowitz: gentlepersons, I am raising funds. My mom needs an operation. Her back is as broken as was Mike Tyson's. Spinal. Not really. I simply need funding to maintain and grow my writing and talking. Also: new shoes. Please donate a few shekels via PayPal HERE.

Another Way: is to simply share posts ya like with yer social media friends. Posts ya don't like? Share those with yer social media enemies. Also, don't forget to tell folks about me when you haul your fleshy tuchus away from the computer and out in-to the "real" world. Be gentlepersons wherest-ever ya may roam. & thank-you!

Ya Reddit? Find me there HERE. Gimme some up-votes, gentlepersons. Reddit is an absolute MACHINE for driving traffic 'round the www. Yer efforts are much appreciated. Such a mensch, yous.

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

The Schmatta: Its Uses & Etiquette & What is it?

"Schmatta: A rag (from Yiddish שמאַטע shmate, from Polish szmata) (OED); also means junk or low-quality merchandise: "Don't buy from Silverman; all he sells is schmatta."" This coming via Wikipedia.
"Is this for showin', or blowin'?" My grandfather would re-enact before me some old Jewface vaudevillian skit from his youth. The star would ask the question whilst waving a white hanky. It looked none too clean. It looked utilitarian. It looked like a dandy hobo's something. I could see it from two generations away. I became a fan of the handkerchief. More aptly said, a fan of the schmatta.

Let us make an all important distinction, gents. The one for "showin'," is in fact called a pocket square and is smaller and made of a finer material. We are not discussing pocket squares in this post. We are discussing the "blowin'" part of the equation -- as indicated by this post title -- the schmatta.

SCHMATTA SELECTION & CARE:
A newly cleaned one, daily, should be folded and placed in your blue jeans back pocket, or sweatpants side-one. Mine are white, blank bandanas. Bandanas: do not mistake bandanas for lettuce say handkerchiefs unless you are currently gainfully employed as a rodeo clown. You can get a whole bunch of them white 'uns, and for cheap. Look at craft shops/sections. Those babies got "blowin'" written all over them. Good size, good toughness, and you can bleach the snot outta them -- both literally and figuratively. Speaking of snot, their larger size is perfect for finding an unused spot to use.

USING YER SCHMATTA
When seated at a table and the need arises for you to grab yer schmatta/hanky -- use it only to cover your nose until you can get to a more suitable place, ideally a bathroom, where you can engage in vigorously honking self-care.  When in mixed company, and a sneeze or the need for a brow-wipe rears its head -- turn from the people you are addressing. Retreat to a bathroom, or failing that, step away and turn your stupid filthy back. You unmitigated savage, you. You disgust me.

The sharing of your hanky should occur only with a lady. Or yer kid. Unless you are in San Francisco and familiar with color code etiquette; a different lifestyle post and blog entirely. Once you give a lady your hanky, it is no longer your hanky. You are gifting this lady your handkerchief. This is not said to dissuade you, this is said because it is proper etiquette. The kid don't get to keep the thing.

When offering a crying or hay-fever-struck woman your schmatta -- in this day and age of lesser handkerchief IQ, I would say something highlighting its cleanliness. Don't forget, chicks dig manners. I guess.

Also don't forget to NEVER approach a crying woman.

THE NITTY GRITTY:
It's a rag, yer schmatta -- use it thusly. But once thusly used-so, don't offer it to the crying woman whom you SHOULD NEVER APPROACH, anyways. Just to-day, I've wiped a pre-sat park bench and fast food seat. Also, I skillfully whisked cigar ash from my keyboard. So useful. I need to run a load a' laundry.

DO NOT APPROACH THE CRYING WOMAN. 
I do not care if you know her or not.
IN ADDITION:
Check out Kaplowitz: Gentlepersons Weekly Vol. 9, and sign-up to receive more.
Listen to: "Casual Encounters" Kaplowitz Radio: August 20, 2017.
Gear up for a heckuva September: keep checking Shemptember News & Events.

SUPPORT KAPLOWITZ:
Gentlepersons, I am raising funds. My mom needs an operation. Her back is as broken as was Mike Tyson's. Spinal. Not really. I simply need funding to maintain and grow my writing and talking. Also: new shoes. Please donate a few shekels via PayPal HERE.

ANOTHER WAY:
Is to simply share posts ya like with yer social media friends. Posts ya don't like? Share those with yer social media enemies. Also, don't forget to tell folks about me when you haul your fleshy tuchus away from the computer and out in-to the "real" world. Be gentlepersons wherest-ever ya may roam. & thank-you!
Leave. Her. Alone.

Monday, August 21, 2017

Cornelius & Anthony Daddy Mac - Cigar Review

Cornelius & Anthony
Daddy Mack 552 Robusto
NOTES:
A veiny and tight-seamed 'nuff tree branch hue'd Robusto. Stiff in the hand, soft in the mouf. Burns at a great pace on straight 'nuff and then-some line. Pack density (though a tick soft) and seams hold fast. Excellent smoke out-put. Slight tunnel-threat self-abates at mid-point. Beyond that, shaft heats-some. Sweet citrus woods with a coffee bean expressed therein. Pepper spices through the nose of white ground and mulling. Traces of orange blossom honey, chocolate chip cookie (particularly on finish). Nicely toasty with well-rounded richness. Builds in supple leathers and cream. Not overly complex, but verily balanced and quite enjoyable.

FINAL GRADE: A-
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

WRAPPER: Brazilian
BINDER: Ecuadorian
FILLER: Nicaraguan

STRENGTH: Medium
ORIGIN: La Zona Factory, Estelí, Nicaragua
Photo: Snack tray
IN ADDITION:
Via the Cornelius & Anthony website:
Daddy Mac is a celebration of Steven Bailey’s father, Mac Bailey. It is produced at the La Zona factory in Estelí, Nicaragua and is presented in boxes of 20. Each box displays an illustration of Mac Bailey tending his tobacco fields.
The Daddy Mac’s rich Brazilian wrapper and Ecuadorian binder highlight the exquisite Nicaraguan filler tobaccos of this medium-to-full bodied blend. These beautifully crafted cigars have notes of sweetness and spice that dance on the palate. With a superior balance of flavor, Daddy Mac is an instant classic, and a consummate choice for any time of day.
IN FURTHER ADDITION:
Check out Kaplowitz: Gentlepersons Weekly Vol. 9, and sign-up to receive more.
Gear up for a heckuva September: keep checking Shemptember News & Events.
Jerry Lewis 
1926 - 2017 
May his memory be for a blessing.
Photo: Snack Tray