Pairing Cigars and Pipes with Coffee and Tea (Thinking it to the Next Level)

Pairing Cigars and Pipes with Coffee and Tea (Thinking it to the Next Level)

"My body has remained in this armchair and has, I regret to observe, consumed in my absence two large pots of coffee and an incredible amount of tobacco." Sherlock Holmes, The Hound of the Baskervilles.

Pairing with beverages is a popular topic in the world of premium tobacco enjoyment. Still, options as far as the non-alcohol type of accompaniment at first seem quite limited to coffee and tea. Soda, although a popular choice nowadays is, if we are to be honest, far too cloyingly sweet. Energy drinks pair much better with 'e-offerings,' car stereo stores, and red basketball shorts than they do fine tobacco. The bad news is it's quite correctly seen at that first blush, as to think we have but those two options. The good news is that, upon further review, we have from those two options a legion.

However, we sell our options and ourselves short when we absently say simply "coffee" or simply "tea." Those are answers to a question, sure, but poor, incomplete, unimaginative ones. An unexamined life, after all, is something something something (or other).

For a quick instance, I can understand wanting a cold drink by your side on a hot day. Iced tea and/or iced coffee, then. Now there are four options. Four, or you know, double the previous amount. Do you want a lighter more mellow sort of affair for your Candela cigar or Cavendish pipe tobacco? BE MINDFUL. Let's talk varietal or type. How about a white tea for that Double Claro (green would be too on-the-nose) and a Green tea for that Cavendish. Or, better, how about a lightly-roasted floral-fruity Ethiopian with a bit of milk in it, with such said Cavendish--the milk will play nice with the smoke's body. Sugar would be much, alongside sweet Cavendish.

Please do try a cup of builder's tea (Black tea, milk & sugar) with a Connecticut Shade cigar. A black cup of strong Costa Rican joe with a VaPer pipeful.

We already have several options, while minimally scratching the surface. Try some Honduran coffee, roasted dark and served black with a pipe loaded for bear and English blend, that'll stand up to the smoky Latakia because equally smoky Lapsang Souchong tea would again be too on-the-nose. But that Lapsang would be awesome with a spicy Habano, talk about Flavorville! Or a Colombian mug full (or doppio) of medium roast with a sploosh of milk or cream with a (particularly PA) Broadleaf cigar. Is your smoke erring sourly? Add a bit of sugar to your bev. Too sweet a smoke? Serve your cuppa straight-plain.

How about deciding upon cream, half & half, or milk in your coffee, and the crazy difference that makes; let alone ratio tinkering in each? Go massively nucking futs via the mind-blowing addition of honey in your Green tea. (Burley blend and Corojo wrapper, respectively. How much sugar? HOW. MUCH. SUGAR??? Insane.

So many options. Temperature (hot or cold), body (cream/milk), balance (sweet/sour or bitter) It's all there, and all with two drinks that offer dozens of options. Varietal, origins, roasts, drying & curing methods--are all ways to find different ways to your perfect premium tobacco pairing. Again, an easy way to pair is to compensate... too spicy, so find mellow; too mellow, find spicy. Too sweet, find sour or bitter, and vice-versa. Thin? Find heft in a partnered-up cup, and again vice-versa. It's not rocket science but it is still interesting when a seemingly small world opens up--only if you 'fuck around and find out' in it.

::: very :::

The Heavy Mustache of Leonardo (and a Limerick in Ode to the Mustache Cup) | Also All About the Handlebar

The Heavy Mustache of Leonardo (from The Adventure of the Veiled Lodger [VEIL]) and a Limerick in Ode to the Mustache Cup | Also All About the Handlebar

"The woman rose and took from a drawer the photograph of a man. He was clearly a professional acrobat, a man of magnificent physique, taken with his huge arms folded across his swollen chest and a smile breaking from under his heavy moustache--the self-satisfied smile of the man of many conquests." - VEIL

Leonardo was, of course, a coward. He ran off while his lady friend Mrs. Ronder was having her face eaten off by a lion. Also, and rather concurrently, he was a murderer alongside the same Mrs. Ronder, of her Mr. Ronder. One would truly expect more from a traveling circus performer. However, the only 'more' Leonardo had in him, was in fact on him. Over-top his upper-lip to be exact. In all the mustachioed men of Sherlock Holmes canon, it would seem only his garnered the description of "Heavy."

Now we can safely assume Leonardo was a gimmick carney name but it is an Italian name nonetheless. So whether or not the wearer of the infamous heavy mustache was of Italian descent or not, a big mustache fits--either the man or the stage name, or both. Such a mustache is what is needed to grow what at times is called a Spaghetti Mustache (due to it stereotypically being associated with Italian gentlemen), which is a Handlebar varietal. While some if not many or even most mustaches would be considered as 'modest' as Watson's, a Handlebar is most impressive due to its follicular braggery.

Currently, the Handlebar is seeing a resurgence in the hipster subculture but as with many things along those lines, it finds itself to be unfortunately bastardized there. A proper Handlebar is never trimmed. It is not a regular 'stache cropped short and with its ends grown long. That would be a type of also bastardized Fu Manchu, without the necessary shaved-clean middle. It is a 'stach which is left to grow long and trained to part in the middle via combing and waxing. How long? Long enough to be 'graspable,' according to the Handlebar Club of London.

[EDIT: 3/30 8:17am. For the sake of clarity, all of the mentioned Handlebar varietals are curled at their ends unless otherwise noted.]

I mentioned a tick ago the word "varietal." There are types of Handlebars, after all. Sizes, really and mostly. As with the famed London group of the previous paragraph, I will pay no attention to those types of mustaches with beard accompaniment (although you'll also see I DQ the Imperial). The English version of this epic lip 'do was actually worn by Arthur Conan Doyle himself and is the thinnest-kept version, pulled straight out to the sides and not curled at its edges. Its ends can be pointed slightly upwards. Typically, the wearer shaves off anything beyond the mouth's corners.

That is in somewhat contrast to the biggest or heaviest (proper) type, the Hungarian. The growth area there can extend up to a centimeter and a half beyond said corners, as that's needed to hold up this low-slung granddaddy of 'em all showstopper. So virile. So robust. The Imperial tends toward more of a beard so we'll stop there but continue laterally to the petite handlebar. There, the whole shebang--curled ends and all, happen squarely atop the top lip. Still and all that in stride, a run-of-the-mill handlebar of moderate size can extend up to a half-centimeter from those corners and is absolutely and perfectly a Mona Lisa of a thing.

Of course, mustache wax is required in all. Particularly in the messy stage of growth. Speaking of messy... a true Handlebar of any variety will be a walrus mustache if worn down. Or, if you're like me, and you have willful whiskers prone to coarse vertical laziness. There are tons of mustache waxes, or tonnes of moustache waxes available. If you decide you are man enough, get one with beeswax or just get beeswax. I understand competition 'staches get Elmer glued (it would seem anything can become ridiculous). And get a comb for the thing. I use a regular pocket comb because I'm something like four-months into my attempted English now.

And get yourself also, a mustache cup. Here's a quick (perhaps doggerel) limerick I composed in ode to the mustache cup. It also doubles as a learning aid bit of HIStory. Also, I apologize for formatting issues, depending on your screen, intended line breaks may suffer. (As may you.)

There once was a Brit named Harvey Adams,
In 1860 he pottered the first mustache cup hair dams.
They kept stashes unstained, well-waxed, and quite dry--
Thus keeping wet only that for which mustachioed men try.
To the delight of all those sirs and their most sprightly madams.

I'd also be maybe remiss in not mentioning whatever the hell Dali had on his face while he walked his pet anteater. In closing, I posit Leonardo had a big, droopy (heavy) Hungarian Mustache, though it proved to be only liphair on a strongman pig.

::: very :::

Online sources for this article include: I Hear of Sherlock Everywhere (please do go see that site), Wikipedia (Mustache cup & Mustache), and The Handlebar (Moustache Club).

Partagas Cigars Anejo Petit Robusto in Review

Partagas Cigars Anejo Petit Robusto in Review

WRAPPER: Cameroon/Connecticut Shade
BINDER: Dominican
FILLER: Mexican, Dominican

FORMAT: Petit Robusto (4.5x49)
ORIGIN: General Cigar Dominicana
INTENSITY: Medium

NOTES:
Caramel | Cedar | White peppercorn

Plush and less sedately-so than I'd have suspected. Backed and braced by cracked white peppercorn and buttery cedar, respectively. Nearly the rest is a by-product of a bulging sweet earthen core. Earth is a sunlit hiking trail of a foggy morning. A bit vegetal. Sweet comes via salted caramel, nougat, and cocoa butter. Those extend out from said core in root-like fashions. Some reach all the way to an encompassing meaty pale leather. Spices play complexly in the woodiness. Vanilla bean.

Honey malt, those scant exotic spices, graham cracker crumbs, and chamomile flowers swirl about secondarily. They ebb and flow but never jarringly. A weighty and lip-smacking mouth-feel, as well as flavor notes, teach a class on the distinction between flavor and strength. Nominal strength, see. Malt touches all sweetnesses and candied citrus grows from there, then stands alone come mid-point. There is almost a cloying quality that the citrus and pepper stave off. Cinnamon stick.

Perfect draw tension. Excellent packing pre-light to the nub, with zero softening or unevenness. Seams hold, cap assemblage does as well, each sans bugaboo. Moderate plus smoke out-put leaves a culminating sweet then spiced, softly dense room-note. A whispered aria. A ding occurs in regards to the ash, which does not cling all that well, but isn't flaky per se, just clumps. I'm aware which leaves are on display here, but I feel the Mexican addition is brawnily quietly almost humbly enabling a near-divine offering.

A slight flaw comes at the nub, a point (past the band) that I normally don't include in reviews and never include in ratings. However, it grows notably sour there.

TASTE: A-
DRAW: A
BURN: A-
BUILD: A

FINAL GRADE: A
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79

Below is the schedule of this 'Partagas Project.' You have just read 2.

1. Intro (about the blend & project)
2. Review (Regular)
3. Review (Sherlock Holmes)
4. Review (Something quirky)
5. Review (Cigar Aficionado style)
6. Review (Limerick)
7. Review (Long-form)
8. Review (Flavor wheel)
9. Review (Kaplowitz Scale review)
10. Review (Doggeral poem)
11. Review (Primary tastes)
12. Overview

[PLEASE NOTE: regardless of which installment of this multi-post project you come in on, you can find the rest of the entries by employing the Search Kaplowitz Media. function to the right of your screen. Try typing in "Partagas Project."] (These instructions were edited for clarity on 4/23/22.)

::: very :::

Excerpt from A Previous Kaplowitz Media. Article | On Sherlock Holmes and his Copper Beeches Pipe

Excerpt from A Previous Kaplowitz Media. Article | On Sherlock Holmes and his Copper Beeches Pipe

This excerpt is taken from a previous post of mine entitled: On "The Adventure of the Copper Beeches" from The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Parts of it are re-worked from the original.

::: THEME WITHIN A THEME :::

(pipe-smoking)

"... taking up a glowing cinder with the tongs, and lighting with it the long cherry-wood pipe which was wont to replace his clay when he was in a disputatious, rather than a meditative mood--" The Adventure of the Copper Beeches. Thusly, Watson narrates an element of Holmes' smoking mores.

Here's the thing: the pipes seem reversed. They scan wrongly. Cherry-wood pipes tend to offer a cool, sweet smoking experience (meditative). Whereas clay pipes smoke hot and dry (disputatious). The other pipe at home in Holmes' canonical pipe rack was a briar--which does smoke even cooler than the typical cherry-wood--so he didn't grab his calmest here. All told, however, I trust in ACD's tobacco IQ, as he has more than proved himself in that realm of expertise. Particularly in alignment with mood.

Perhaps it helps to think of tobacco, like everything else, as a part of the setting. Doyle tends to employ settings as characters in his adventures. Think of his use of the word melancholy to describe both people and places (a particular brought to my attention during a recent The Sound of the Baskervilles meeting). Better yet, think of the moor in Hound of the Baskervilles. Or, this own tale's "cheery fire." Nevertheless...

Elsewhere in the canon, we have seen an anxious Holmes with a cigarette. Elsewhere still, cigars are offered in social situations to guests who are often of the official police persuasion. Finally and coming back to them--pipes as tools of contemplation, famously in problems and in threes. Perhaps this is why I'm also so ready to engage in the picking of nits here. I expect more. I'm not mad, I'm disappointed? This cherry-wood bit seems simply out-of-step. Again, Holmes grabbing for an incinerator-like hot burning clay seems so much more apt for pairing with verbal pugilism.

What I'm left with finally is the further realization that Holmes just likes to be an ass on occasion. I believe for more reason than just feces and facial gestures, however. This practice often is at the cost of Watson and the getting of the good doctor's goat. So Holmes here is calm-ish in his excitement and also exercising his skills. "answering, as was his wont, my thoughts rather than my words," notes Watson mid tiff. Leaving Watson to simply narrate this noted pattern to the best of his abilities. Holmes' mind here is a lot like those kitchen knife sheaths that sharpen the blade inside them, while at rest in a silverware drawer.

If Holmes felt in a more cheese knife-like strictly meditative mood, he'd have reached for that more sedate briar. In other more succinct words, Holmes is calmly exercising, and not looking to spar, Watson simply misread the situation. The brilliance of Doyle shines in these tricks.

Now why Watson would continually include in said narrations Holmes' harsh critiquing of his writing, is an item best left for another time. I'll allow him the final word here: "'It seems to me that I have done you full justice in the matter," I remarked, with some coldness, for I was repelled by the egotism which I had more than once observed to be a strong factor in my friend's singular character." SLAM!

::: very :::

Since adding Sherlockian content to Kaplowitz Media., I've thoroughly enjoyed myself but have also found that I'm feeling more and more remiss. There is much to discuss with Holmes and premium tobacco (which, of course, is the other and main topic of this blog). Perhaps the best way to view this excerpt is me dropping a pin on the map where this idea is marked.

The Adventure of the Upside-Down Pipe (A Tutorial of Sorts)

The Adventure of the Upside-Down Pipe (A Tutorial of Sorts)

Now and again, you'll see a person make a half-a-fuss about smoking their pipe upside-down. Inevitably, this half-a-fuss will be greeted by the full fuss of amazed people seeing it, apparently, for the first time. I figured I'd touch on this whole thing rather briefly.

Firstly, if you know how to pack a pipe well--no--the tobacco will not fall out. Quickly within this stated as briefly bit: at all times (right-side-up times, too) loosely fill the bowl and pack it with the strength of a child, then loosely fill it again and pack it with the strength of a woman. Finally, fill it a third time and pack it like a man. Now cancel yourself because you're ageist and sexist. That bit of ugliness out of the way, wanna hear a bit more about upside-down pipe smoking? Sure you do.

It's not an Irish thing but it isn't not, either. It's a weather thing. Precipitation, and lesser-so wind, are easier smoked-thru with an inverted bowl. How it's an Irish thing, which it's not really, has to do with Ireland's frequent mistings. Fisherman will invert a pipe, too. In fact, I've seen it referred to as a Fisherman's clench. This, I understand less because the water, while you're on a boat, is under you much more than over you. But I suppose it doesn't necessarily shower upwards from the fishes. Mist, again.

Another instance for the inverted pipe was necessitated during WWII London air raids as to not show the light of the burning ash. You wanted yourself and your surroundings to be invisible to the Luftwaffe, see. Another boon with flipping your pipe-over is in lighting. Particularly in wind, it becomes a pain to dip your Bic into your bowl. Many a soft flame likes standing upward. Voila! A word of advice and/or warning will put a wrap on this item. Use a clay pipe.

I know I always bang the clay pipe drum but here are the reasons: heat travels up and your inverted briar or cob can burn out at its bottom when its bottom is its top. Also, the round stem of clay pipes is awesome for this flipping-over. Although watch for any developing pipe notch in your pearlies. I can hear the questions now. Do you smoke an upside-down pipe in the rain, Kap? I don't smoke in the rain. But I have an accidentally-modified (dropped) nose-warmer clay that I'd probably turn to and hide under the brim of my flat cap.

::: very :::

[Note: this was slightly edited for clarity on 3/31]

Kaplowitz Media. Cigars of the Month for February and March 2022

Kaplowitz Media. Cigars of the Month for February and March 2022

::: FEBRUARY :::

GTO Corona de GTO 10 Anos Corojo
(Annotating a Note review) Citrus
Intensity: Medium
Final grade: A-

::: MARCH :::

Bolivar Cofradia Oscuro
Dark chocolate | Leather | Earth
Intensity: Medium
Final grade: A-

Balmoral Anejo XO Connecticut

Cocoa butter | White pepper | Cafe Au Lait
Intensity: Mild-medium
Final grade: A-

:::

February was a hiatus-shortened, already short month that yielded but a single entry (as you now know). Being as these Cigars of the Month posts publish the 25th (amid said hiatus) I've traditionally combined the abbreviated month with the month of March. Curiously, March features a rather short 'best of' list itself, even given its 31 days, zero of which were of the hiatus variety. I suppose we'll see what April showers us with.

You can read my full reviews of the above-listed smokes via the employment of either the Search Kaplowitz Media. thingy to your right, or the (recent) Blog Archive other-thingy, further down on your right.

::: very :::

On Confession Albums, The Proust Questionnaire, and Arthur Conan Doyle

On Confession Albums, The Proust Questionnaire, and Arthur Conan Doyle

Confession albums were all the rage in the late 1800s. Books of the like contained a set of formulated questions to be answered and maybe compared against your own other books of similarly formulated questions and answers--and perhaps, also meant to be exchanged amongst partakers in a sort of parlor game atmosphere. To be clear, many published examples exist, made up of different questions. Although for the most part, they seem fairly similar at the least. Too, there are books of a more 'specialty' bent, a la courting.

The most famous of these is perhaps the Proust Questionnaire, named so not because Proust wrote the questions, but on account of the fact that he answered them*. In fact, it would seem all these confessions albums (or books) are called Proust Questionnaires these days, and they are still popular as a form of a celebrity interview, particularly within the pages of Vanity Fair. More interesting to me, however, is another answerer, one Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Below, I will share his Q&A and include some of my thoughts thereafter.

Your favourite virtue?
Unaffectedness

Your favourite qualities in man?
Manliness

Your favourite qualities in woman?
Womanliness

Your favourite occupation?
Work.

Your chief characteristic?
I really don't know.

Your idea of happiness?
Time well filled

Your idea of misery?
Nothing to do.

Your favorite colour and flower?
Quite impartial

If not yourself, who would you be?
[Illegible crossed-out response] then (hope this is clear)

Where would you like to live?
Here.

Your favourite poets?
Kipling

Your favourite painters and composers?
No strong opinions

Your favourite heroes in real life?
Men who do their duty without fuss.

Your favourite heroines in real life?
Ditto

Your favourite heroes in fiction?
No strong preference.

Your favourite heroines in fiction?
Margaret in "Cloister + Hearth" [The Cloister and the Hearth]

Your favourite food and drink?
Anything when hungry--nothing when not.

Your favorite names?
'A good horse never had a bad name'

Your pet aversion?
Affectation--conceit.

What characters in history do you most dislike?
Very tolerant to them all.

What is your present state of mind?
Jaded.

For what fault have you most toleration?
All of them--except [I cannot make out the rest]

Your favourite motto?
"Hope for the best--prepare for the worst"

:::

As I wrote above, [I cannot make out the rest] of that one response.

... but perhaps you can, as below I indicate where a copy of Doyle's handwritten responses can be viewed. Whilst Doyle does play it as close to the cuff as his taciturn Barker character in Holmesian canon, there could well be a thing of some insight. I took great pains (define 'great,' I know) in including full stops where and how Doyle did so. Note then, that not all of his answers carry a period. My take on this is a more definite/definitive response gets that full stop or period punctuational treatment.

So then perhaps "Jaded." is to be taken more seriously or weightily than "Quite impartial" seeing as jaded is an excellent way to view his overall responses with their aborted manner and, furthermore, an included period would be subconsciously redundant in the latter. Of note too, along those lines is "No strong preference." to the question of Heroes in fiction? The fact he full stops that response could speak to even his own creation of Sherlock Holmes finding little favor in his eyes; as we certainly know to be the case.

Note his answers are marked October 28th 1899 (if I read that correctly) and thus fall during The Great Hiatus, when he refused to write more adventures after killing Holmes off in The Final Problem (1893) and prior to The Hound of the Baskervilles (1901) begrudging return. Particularly note that when held against his answer of "Margaret in "Cloister + Hearth" to the same question in re heroines. Also, his "No strong opinions" response to Your favourite painters and composers? gets no punctuation, because he perhaps unlike in the other similar case--really does not have any opinion.

Really, an interesting way to re-read these responses is to bear their punctuation in mind. Try it, now that you have the opportunity to do so because OF COURSE you read them once already to have arrived here. On a final and less serious note, as if any of these notes are serious, "A good horse never had a bad name" and its lack of full stop is to me an indication of Doyle channeling his inner Nostradamus in foretelling the arrival of the "permanent but inadvertent" misspelling of the 2015 Triple Crown and Breeders' Cup Classic winner American Pharoah, not pharaoh. Will this great man's accomplishments never cease?!

::: very :::

* There are two known Proust confession books. He filled one out in 1886 and the other in 1890. They do differ in terms of questions. The current VF version is different again.

Online sources for this article include: Slate (The Vault) Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Wants Nothing To Do With Your Proust Questionaire (you can read his answers there), in turn, The Harry Ransom Center | Wikipedia (Confession album), Wikipedia (American Pharoah), Wikipedia (Proust Questionnaire), Vanity Fair.

The Partagas Anejo Project | An Introduction to a Twelve Part Series

The Partagas Anejo Project | An Introduction to a Twelve Part Series

[PLEASE NOTE: regardless of which installment of this multi-post project you come in on, you can find the rest of the entries by employing the Search Kaplowitz Media. function to the right of your screen. Try typing in "Partagas Project." Thank you.] (edited for clarity 3/29 and again 4/23)

You know how after a sitcom 'jumps the shark,' they introduce a new character, usually a cute kid with a 'tude, in order to inevitably fail at revitalizing the series? THIS IS NOTHING LIKE THAT AND I DON'T KNOW WHY I EVEN BROUGHT IT UP. Everything is just fine here at Kaplowitz Media.

With that out of the way, let's get to this, this 'Partagas Project.' During it, I will be writing somewhat of a weekly review of the Partagas Anejo in its Petit Robusto iteration. Each of the 10 reviews will be written of a different offering (same viola/box). Time-wise, then, this won't speak overly to the aging process (these are quite 'anejo' anyway) but mainly toward the idea of consistency.

That, and to my immense talents as both taster and writer. Author, even.

Each review will be written (authored) in a different style, which may be of some sort of benefit, if not boon, unto itself. Here is a subject-to-change what-to-expect. To be clear, you are currently reading the Intro. Also, the Overview will be a recapitulative culmination as well as deeper dive into the components of this cigar, and of this series, as required at that point.

1. Intro (about the blend & project)
2. Review (Regular)
3. Review (Sherlock Holmes)
4. Review (Something quirky)
5. Review (Cigar Aficionado style)
6. Review (Limerick)
7. Review (Long-form)
8. Review (Flavor wheel)
9. Review (Kaplowitz Scale review)
10. Review (Doggeral poem)
11. Review (Primary tastes)
12. Overview

I'll conclude here with just a partial-tick more about this blend. It is a barber-pole offering put forth to feature a 1998 Cameroon wrapper, as well as a 2013 Connecticut Shade. (The rest of the specs will be listed below.) Anejos, or aged (old) as both nom de tobacco and theme is due to wanting to highlight Partagas's "long association with Cameroon wrappers," & continues Matt Wilson (Senior Brand Manager, via press release), to bring the said association to a "new level."

Similarly, I do hope this serves to bring myself, as well, to a new level. Even as I (cautiously, optimistically) don my leather motorcycle jacket, grab my water-skis, and head out to my date with a shark.

WRAPPER: Cameroon/Connecticut Shade
BINDER: Dominican
FILLER: Mexican, Dominican

FORMAT: Petit Robusto (4.5x49)
ORIGIN: General Cigar Dominicana
INTENSITY: Medium (per manufacturer)

4/23/22: To find entries of this series, simply type "Partagas Project" into the Search Kaplowitz Media. field to the right of the screen.

::: very :::

CAO Cigars Arcana Firewalker in Review

CAO Cigars Arcana Firewalker in Review (Brought to You by the Letter C.)

This post was accidentally published earlier today (3/22) with a date reading 3/16. It was (obviously) re-published in order to reflect the proper (today's) date. I apologize for any confusion.

WRAPPER: Ecuadorian Havana 
BINDER: Nicaraguan
FILLER: Nicaraguan

FORMAT: Toro Gordo (6.5x56) flag-tip
ORIGIN: American Caribbean, Nicaragua
INTENSITY: Medium/Med.-Full

NOTES:

Citrus | Cream | Cereal grains

Sticking to the italicized letter C-words, there is a spot of cocoa butter. All very smoothed together but not flat. Little whipped peaks. A long, dry look at a cardboard note is less than pleasant. Other than that, though, a simple and agreeable enough experience, this. White peppercorn braces in lieu of wood. Supple leather is nice atop the under-belly but also a hair-hidden. All the way down and pushing up is hiking trail and chicken coop.

Some loosening of seam and a bit of crackling in top-leaf. Neither terribly-so. Pack softens-some via progression. The draw is smooth. Burn-rate is slow to the point of nigh-tedium. Cap and should each degrade a tick but hold enough. Near-massive smoke out-put fails to yield much in terms of the olfactory--a bit of sweet-earthen leatheriness. 

TASTE: B
DRAW: B+
BURN:  B+
BUILD: B

FINAL GRADE: n/a*
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79

* Due to what I'll chalk up to shipping & neither factory nor warehousing issues, this cigar and the couple/few others it arrived with, arrived quite dry. Resuscitating dried cigars seems a recurring topic of concern on the internet. Briefly, it is possible to bring the humidity back up in offerings (within reason). Unfortunately, it is impossible to replace lost oils (and the oils are first to leave). So, flavors will suffer flattening-out. On account of this, I've decided to only express my experience, not rate it.

Also, as per the company's press release, this cigar includes filler leaf (partially) which was fermented via a process called Chincagre (This post is brought to you by the letter C). As per the company's press release, this involves burying pilons in the volcanic soils of Western Nicaragua for two months. It is then finished off for an additional nine months in a regular manner.

::: very :::

Macanudo Cigars Inspirado Red in Review

Macanudo Cigars Inspirado Red in Review (A Winding Path I Wend Upon)

WRAPPER: Ecuadorian Habano
BINDER: Nicaraguan
FILLER: Honduran, Nicaraguan

FORMAT: Robusto
ORIGIN: General Cigar Dominicana
INTENSITY: Medium-full/full

NOTES:
Mulled wine | Charred oak | Semi-sweet chocolate

Big up-front spiciness. Cinnamon, ginger, cloves. That and some red fruit notes lead me to a mulled wine conclusion. Black peppercorn acts as a structuring note alongside/within charred oak. Semi-sweet chocolate, heavy on French vanilla inclusion, chugs along the top of the under-belly. Said UB is barnyard and dark earthiness, savorily-so. A bit of graphite minerality comes on at the 2/3. That's also when the sharp saltiness floods in and steers.

The middling notes are somewhat vacant, somewhat filled with drippings from on-high. A roasted orange nod appears here & there, there. At the mid-point, a licorice-anise addition to the pepper-scape rolls in. The profile is heavy but hits a bit like a pulled punch. Better yet, it's a winding path I wend upon. Nicely balanced in a neat feat if you look past the salt, and given its height. Dense heavy and tingly mouth-feel, clean at the end. Also, a bit throaty, aggressive.

Top-leaf lags a time or two behind guts, needs a pair of retouches. The line itself is a tick jagged and wide. The cherry sits a half-hair off-center. Draws well. Ash does not build much at all and displays Honduran-fugly. Smoke out-put wobbles about and while the aroma is a nice sniff of top-notes, the room-note is surprisingly wispy. Seams hold fast but the cap suffers-some. All told a profile that scans as a bit overcome by its own Habano. I remain unclear as to who a salty spice-bomb Macanudo is geared toward.

TASTE: B+
DRAW: A-
BURN: B+
BUILD: A-

FINAL GRADE: B+
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79

::: very :::

Super Value Pipe Tobacco English Mixture in Review

Super Value Pipe Tobacco English Mixture in Review (Funky & Sharp)

CATEGORY: English
BLEND: Burley, Latakia, Oriental/Turkish, Perique, Virginia
FLAVORING: None

BLENDER: Sutliff Tobacco Company
MANUFACTURER: Sutliff Tobacco Company

CUT: Ribbon
PIPE: Old German Clay no. 3 (black finish)
INTENSITY: Medium/Med.-Full

NOTES:
Capsicum | Almond | Minerality

Funky and sharp. The Perique seems to lend a psychotic-ish focus to the Latakia and that's the lead; although, oddly, in a minimally traditional Latakia manner. The smokiness seems contained to the back-end and short finish. Black pepper and a note akin to liquid smoke seared in a cast-iron pan. A capsicum-laden front-end tingle the lips somewhat more than delightfully-so. Quite nutty, with the Burley steadily driving in bitter almond fashion. That smooths on-into black walnut as it travels the palate. Graphite.

The room-note is downright unpleasant, even for an English blend. Although it's actually an American blend thanks to the Burley. I think I'll mix in some cheapy Cavendish and have myself an equally-awkward but perhaps more endearing Scottish. Where this blend lacks is in both body and balance. Complexity and even nuance would be only reasonably expected at a higher MSRP. This is a (tartly) serviceable blend, and honestly impressive for what it is and sans flavoring.

Performance-wise, it's quite ready to burn fresh out of the gym sock-smelling pouch. It is actually a hair dry and burns a goodly tick quick, leaving no moisture in the bowl but too, more dottle than I expected. The salt and pepper ash is on the sandy side. Smoke out-put seems to wiggle around some, in terms of volume and man, it smells off-putting--and again--even for an English and I am an English fan. I even listen to the BBC almost exclusively, at least in regards to bloody massive brilliant news.

All told, and this may surprise you, this would be an excellent blend to keep around and on-hand. I do have one final and general gripe. We are aware a thing is a budget item simply by looking at its price tag as compared to others; why use names which remind us ham-fistedly? Why not call this Something Something Manor or Lord Someone Someone? Throw some pillars or a noble bust on the pouch and allow me to delude myself. Not a fan of Government Cheese packaging.

TASTE: B
AROMA: B-
BURN: B+

FINAL GRADE: B
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79

::: very :::

A Study in Vitolphilia (an Ode to my Cigar Bands)

A Study in Vitolphilia (an Ode to my Cigar Bands)

"Cigar band collecting is called vitolphilia." - Wikipedia*. Also, a plastic box with an equally plastic lid can be called a tote-box. That's what I keep my old cigar bands in. What sized tote? Blue. A tote-sized tote-box... and it's full three-quarters filled. This is neither journalism nor math. I know no more as to why this collection of mine exists than I do why I myself exist. We both just happen to occupy space and time in a little powder-yellow house in the Pacific Northwest. It's mainly nice.

A further description of my vitolphilia really doesn't exist either. It's not as if I engage in vitology via any form of studying my personal collection, or bands in general. However, I did twice buy Pearl Jam's Vitalogy CD in the '90s. Once mid-way through the decade and again towards its end. Good band. But I digress and alas, I'm no vitologist. I'm just a guy who can't seem to throw out a cigar band. I can't even say I love them. Or visit them ever, other than when I add a couple handfuls more. I suppose they just seem inherently more important than the trash can.

Maybe my cigar smoking is just a thing I do that I don't want forgotten. Although I don't guess future archeologists will gather in my bedroom closet. Believe it or not, my kid probably won't be looking for proof of my cigar smoking--he'll most likely remember that much without the need for a memory-jarring box of paper props. Nor will I be using my collection of cigar bands for the purpose of fame, as I'm no Joe Hruby; his 221,000 distinct varieties seem ::: very ::: much*. So I'm left with the odd thought that if it is for memory's sake, it's for my own.

I'll sometimes think of writing a little something on the back of one, "Birthday 2022," but I never do. It just gathers in a spare ashtray with the others until they need to relocate to the tote in the bedroom closet. There under the fancier shirts I can't fold and alongside assorted other and lesser lauded totes. The goal, it would seem, is not of individual memories. Some folks I've heard keep wine bottle corks. I've tried that and it didn't take. I suppose they just aren't that important to me and/or my sense of self. I'm fairly certain my sense of self doesn't work that way.

But what if somewhere deep in my insides, I associate these cigar bands with pieces of me? As fragments of my own divinity which I've spent meaningful moments of time with. Nah, that's bullshit. I'll probably delete that before going to press with this. Also, I have no desire to get artsy with my bands. They won't be laminated into furniture, scrap-booked, or otherwise collaged. They're quite where they'll ever be, there in the blue tote-box. Sands of time-spent in an hourglass signifying its and my passing. More-so a static rebellion of such. No. That's bullshit too.

The truth of the matter is I have a feeling I'll someday understand my compulsion to never part with a one. And boy, that would be a sad day if I didn't keep them all. Imagine, trash day is Wednesday and the epiphany strikes Saturday. Or perhaps it's more like that episode where Al Bundy's socks keep getting stolen by those aliens who need them to fuel their spaceship. I like that, but then I've always felt a haughty and sneakily gaudy sense of lazy purpose anyway.

::: very :::

*Wikipedia: Cigar band

"Elementary, My Dear Watson" (Some Thoughts as to Sherlock Holmes Canon)

"Elementary, My Dear Watson." (Some Thoughts as to Sherlock Holmes Canon)

These words, that famous line, are not canon. Meaning that in all 56 short stories and four novels, all written by Arthur Conan Doyle, this famous phrase does not appear anywhere. Sherlockians know this and regular people do not. It's sort of a day one or 'casual' Sherlockian thing but, I'll leave it there. But then again I won't. In that simple case, it is (again) not written in the aforementioned spaces, precluding it from canon. That's the prevailing wisdom, at least (and in redundant recapitulation). To be honest, it's of course not wrong, just maybe a half-tick less right than is typically judged. You see it was, in fact, written...

Where the phrase does come from is an 1899 William Gillette play entitled, succinctly-so, Sherlock Holmes. The play was starred in and re-written by Gillette, from an original idea/draft by Doyle himself, who stayed on to aid in the project. This means that Doyle ::: very ::: well may have penned the famous line after all. (Unless it was ad-libbed and in that case, THE JIG IS UP.) Although seeing as Charles Frohman, a theater producer, considered the ACD script to be no good at all, thus bringing in Gillette, thus again it may be a quite hefty reworking of wordings and the words might well be Gillette's after all.

Still, it isn't hard to think ACD's inclusion brings our phrase at hand something somewhat closer to arguable canon. In fact, much of the play itself is pulled from canon, in a bit here & a bit there sort of manner (A Study in Scarlet, A Scandal in Bohemia, The Final Problem.) Let's also recall Doyle's knack for dialog, which is what this is. But even if he did write it, that quite strangely and actually does not canon make.

Saving stageplays and essays for another day and focusing only on the more familiar terrain of short stories, there are no less than five non-canonical ACD penned Holmes works. Also, depending on how you count them, there could also be no more than four. An unfinished plot only supposedly by ACD and turned into what Peter Haining entitled "The Adventure of the Tall Man," is also another thing for another day. (The Field Bazaar is one of my favorite bits of parody.)

I digress (or perhaps at least drift closer to shore). The famous Calabash pipe Holmes is also erroneously known for is on account of this same William Gillette play. In canon, proper--Holmes owns three pipes: a clay, briar, and cherrywood. No Calabash... which is more casual Sherlockian fodder. This bit of liberty-taken, I pin on Gillette, not Doyle. And I see it as a far further from canon bit on account of that. Simply, I imagine a stage professional has a better sense of what can and cannot be seen by an audience.

All this should beg the question, "Who decided what is and what isn't canon?*" An excellent question I could not find the answer to in any semblance of a timely fashion. Was it you, Finley? Starret? Knox*, maybe? Although 'decided' could be the wrong (past) tense to take. Looking at the Arthur Conan Doyle Encyclopedia, included are canon-style abbreviations for both How Watson Learned the Trick as well as for the already-mentioned BAZA. Seems like quite a statement on their part, that. What with the still deciding and all.

::: very :::

Online sources for this article include: Wikipedia (Canon of Sherlock Holmes & Sherlock Holmes (Play), and Baker Street Wiki. From Wikipedia, IRL sources include (near as I can tell): Bunson, Matthew. Encyclopedia Sherlockiana: an A-to-Z guide to the world of the great detective | Eyles, Allen. Sherlock Holmes: A Centenary Celebration | Starrett, Vincent. The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes.

The title of this post originally & embarrassingly read "Elementary, My Dear Holmes" ... it has since been corrected. My day is ruined.

* A write-up of Ronald Knox would seem in order (Ed-4/23/22)

Macanudo Cigars Inspirado White in Review

Macanudo Cigars Inspirado White in Review (I WANTED SERENITY NOW lol)

WRAPPER: Ecuadorian Connecticut
BINDER: Indonesia
FILLER: Nicaraguan, Mexican San Andres

FORMAT: Toro
ORIGIN: General Cigar Dominicana
INTENSITY: Medium

NOTES:
Black & white pepper | Vanilla | Honey

The most notable aspect of this profile is an unfortunate and interferingly out-of-balance black (then white) pepper. Under that spikey thumb exists pleasant bits of vanilla bean, honey, caramel. Further down is movie theater popcorn, pale ginger, and white pepper. Suede thinly falls atop hiking trail earthen nethers. Scans as an irresponsibly hopped up Connecticut in order to carry the tired mantle of 'not my father's Connecticut.' I get a hint of wildflowers.

All this is not to say it's completely unenjoyable, but again, interfered with. Over-run. Not even aggressively, but bull in a china shop trampling nonetheless. So, simply not as smooth as it should be (a decent understatement). Does mellow-some at a mid-point transition wherein it's the white pepper's time to be a hammer and see every problem as if it were a nail. Complete with a tangy-sharp lemony-citrus attachment. I WANTED SERENITY NOW lol. I don't see wildflowers after the 1/3.

Seems to burn a tick quick but on an even line. Grows dense ash well. Draws excellently. Smoke out-put is voluptuous and both aroma as well as room-note are nethers-forward and lacking in the draw's pepper-hammer. Superb olfactories, then--but that just highlights the palate imbalances. If you like PEPPER, retro-hale. If you hate Connecticuts but want to for some reason smoke one, grab this abrasive guy who most likely got thrown out of an Ivy League school.

TASTE: B
DRAW: A
BURN: B+
BUILD: A-

FINAL GRADE: B+
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79

::: very :::

On The Adventure of Shoscombe Old Place, Particularly on a Curious Sherlock Holmes Exchange Therein

On The Adventure of Shoscombe Old Place, Particularly on a Curious Sherlock Holmes Exchange Therein

Published in 1927, Shoscombe Old Place* [SHOS] is the final story Doyle wrote of his famed consulting detective creation. Or, it is the still-latest published report from the desk of Watson. Six of one, half dozen of the other. Kinda. Meaning it all depends upon if you are 'playing the game;' solving discrepancies within the tales in the nod-and-a-wink fashion of taking Holmes and Watson as real-life historical figures. I won't be playing the game (much) here, quite frankly I mostly don't see how. I'll simply be raising questions that I feel have no answers and perhaps fleshing out further, the dynamic duo to my own liking.

Two nights ago as I write this, I was cuddled up in bed reading SHOS for the manyth time. Why? Because The Case-Book was on my bedside table and I am, first and foremost, a lazy person. This is to take nothing away from the volume, one that many find to be the least of Doyle's Sherlockian portfolio. Personally, I like many of the stories just fine, and it has much more worth than just as fodder for completists. I will say the works do get looser as time wears-on into the Edwardian Era. 'Looser' describes, in fact, much of what I'll point out in the upcoming brief italicized exchange (a slice of a larger segment-pie) between Holmes and Watson. Perhaps it actually defines it.

"By the way, Watson, you know something of racing?" 

What's that? Years of at times shared housing within a professional as well as personal partnership and Holmes has to ask such a question? I'd hazard that they should be well-beyond even the 'I know you know, you know?' period of their familiarities. An old married couple and the Mrs. asks her Mr. how he prefers his eggs? "Over-easy, dear. And how do you take your coffee?" not "Cream and sugar, right?" It really jumps out as odd, does it not? Particularly since...

"I ought to. I pay for it with about half of my wound pension." 

Holmes (likely for reasons such as this) keeps Watson's check-book under lock and key in his desk(?) drawer. "Your check book is locked in my drawer, and you have not asked for the key." (The Adventure of the Dancing Men*.) I suppose there could be other ways to fund your bookie, sure. Most importantly perhaps, this highlights Watson as the action freak I know him to be. Always shaking free of boring patients and/or his unexciting wives in order to visit 221b in the hopes of anything at all ever being afoot insofar as game.

In a tick of a tangent, this could be quite dark, deep waters, indeed. Let's recall now Dr. Verner in The Adventure of the Norwood Builder*. If it's not in your brain to recall, making my request unfair, a Dr. Verner purchased Watson's practice at a high asking price, thus freeing up the good doctor to further be at Holmes' disposal, read: beck and call. The funds, as we later find, came from Sherlock himself. Hum! Could these same financial tactics be also keeping Watson trapped to chronicle Holmes with the added aid of nurturing a gambling addiction? Could this whole exchange (and all sidebars mentioned) which we're discussing be chalked up to Holmes reminding Watson where he stood? It gives much of it a ::: very ::: different spin, as perhaps Holmes tightens the screws...

"Then I'll make you my "Handy Guide to the Turf". What about Sir Robert Norbertson?" 

Ouch! Or, this casts questioning glances on Holmes' file-keeping as well as information sources. As we learn way back in A Scandal in Bohemia*: "For many years, he had adopted a system of docketing all paragraphs concerning men and things, so that it was difficult to name a subject or a person on which he could not at once furnish information." You'd think a seemingly well-known at least in certain circles Sir would have the presence of at least a mere paragraph. Secondly, what exactly is the quality of Holmes' info, filed or not? You said you know about this thing since I asked if you did--and so, you're my guy. 

I sincerely hope that this doesn't leave you with a quite different and hauntingly-so take on the relationship between Holmes & Watson. It might, however, leave you with a question. I'll answer that for ya. Chronicler Watson included this little exchange, which he by no means had to, in a desperate cry for help from within a manipulated form of indentured servitude.  This by the hand of his own addiction and under the cruel thumb of Holmes, who used said chronicles to enhance his own reputation and business. I mean it's probably not that but if it were--haunting!, to say the least.

*According to William Stuart Baring-Gould's chronology, SHOS takes place in 1902, and DANC in 1898 (published 1905). SCAN, also mentioned, takes place in 1887 (published in 1891). NORW, while we're at it, is thought to take place in 1895 (published in 1903).

Online sources for this article include: The Arthur Conan Doyle Encyclopedia, Lit2Go, Sherlock Holmes Wiki, and (of course) Wikipedia.

::: very :::

Bolivar Cofradia Oscuro in Review

Forged Cigar Co. and Lost&Found Cigars Bolivar Cofradia Oscuro in Review (Quietly Charming)

WRAPPER: Connecticut Broadleaf
BINDER: Ecuadorian Sumatran
FILLER: Dominican, Honduran, Nicaraguan

FORMAT: Robusto (554)
ORIGIN: HATSA Honduras
INTENSITY: Medium

NOTES:
Dark chocolate | Leather | Earth

It well might have been better to have smoked this yesterday--but by all means, smoke it today. This is at once a recommendation and (sage?) advice. The two words slightly differ, after all. It's like this: you put down a box of smokes to age. You test them periodically to see their progress. At a certain age, the calendar begins to work against them and they peter-out in terms of profile. This cigar comes across as 'better smoke these puppies (at the latest) now.' It's a bit flat and meek, but pleasant and interesting nonetheless.

A sense of urgency can be exhilarating, and in turn, lend toward being rather entertaining. Like having to pee while recording a podcast, say.

That said, an almost too-smooth lightness-of-weight chocolate; dark, with swirls of semi-sweet, some breadiness there. Some fruitiness (a tart berry that apes citrus) attaches to a small sugary sweetness on the back-end. Earthen core... a barnyard-savory thing. Leather is muted but thick, well-worked, and encompassing. Ebbings and flowings of anise, finely-ground & scant black pepper, weak coffee, powdered milk. Overall, a consistent and well-balanced (although in a droning fashion) profile. Not much aroma, sans for a bit of paper bag.

Draws well and good, but the cap does erode a tick. Burns on a dead-even, razor-thin line. Build solidly, firmly-so, with tight seams and no soft-spots. Moderate smoke out-put. Ash grows quite nicely in a combination of stacked dimes and paler sheathing. Definitely scans as a situation whose sum adds up to more than its parts, equaling out into a different type of experience without yelling about itself. An at once quirky and proper blend. Quietly charming. A twinkle in a sleepy eye.

TASTE: B+
DRAW: B+
BURN: A-
BUILD: A-

FINAL GRADE: A-
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79

::: very :::

On Moriarty, Milverton, and Reptiles, Plus Snakes!

On Moriarty, Milverton, and Reptiles, Plus Snakes! (They Also Aren't Furbabies)

This will most likely be a short one. It might also serve as a dropped pin on some map. I might use it to find my way back to it, or I might just not. In the case of the latter, hopefully, it'll at least serve as food for some thought.

A handful of days ago, give or take a finger, I sat in (via Zoom) on a Baroque Lone Star (DFW area Sherlock Holmes literary society) meeting. During this meeting Bob Katz M.D., BSI mentioned in his talk, a thing that caught in my crop like a carbuncle. A thing I had previously missed. It was off-handedly said while discussing Moriarty descriptions. "His shoulders are rounded from much study, and his face protrudes forward, and is forever slowly oscillating from side to side in a curiously reptilian fashion." [FINA]

Reptilian. Sure, reptiles are cold-blooded and many a mind conjures 'snakes' when its ears hear 'reptile' and snakes are evil everywhere you look from the Garden of Eden to 'arry Pottah. They seem quite calculating, aloof. Cold-blooded. They eat their prey in a gulp. They also aren't furbabies. Personally, I don't fear them but I wouldn't touch one on a dare. I had a pet snake once. It didn't end well, but at least it ended. I'm thinking of all this devilish symbolism & etc., while sitting muted, puffing on a cigar.

Then I think (in a leap of thought) of another Sherlockian villain given the snake-treatment by Arthur Conan Doyle. One Charles Augustus Milverton. "Do you feel a creeping, shrinking sensation, Watson, when you stand before the serpents in the Zoo, and see the slithery, gliding, venomous creatures, with their deadly eyes and wicked, flattened faces? Well, that’s how Milverton impresses me." [CHAS]

Back to Moriarty. A character created by Doyle as an out. A yang to his hero's yin and a hastily prepared high-note to ride off into the sunset upon. Except that Doyle is good, damned good. Too good. Those descriptions. The characters he can draw up so well and so minimally-so. Look at Irene Adler, "The woman." A small-bit player with legs to her story that Secretariat would envy. He did it again with Moriarty, "The Napoleon of crime." What the heck does that even mean? We only kinda know. We only vaguely read of his misdeeds in broad strokes. But they all stuck--each roller-brush stroke. 

Then, Doyle brings back his creation from The Reichenbach Falls. Professor Moriarty stays dead but looms large, as an idea, an ideal. Batman's Joker. Papa Smurf's Gargamel. A man with his slithery fingers in all the no-goodnik behavior of the London under-belly. His is a character too big to fail, once introduced. A role (beyond M.) too large to leave empty once created. But it is, nonetheless, until we meet Milverton, seven stories into Holmes' resurrection. ACD is settled back in (with 25 [short] stories still to tell) but still, for the ability to tell those stories without begging a new and over-shadowing Moriarty-figure, the idea of M. must again die.

In a way, Milverton can scan as a more fleshed-out Moriarty. Remember, we actually get finer points as to Milverton's evils than we do Moriarty's. And then Holmes kills Milverton, Watson covers for him, and some flimsy story about a disappearing lady is bandied about and sold. A bloody deed done in effigy or by proxy--whichever is more correct. Whatever and then the void is no longer. The door, closed.

To wrap it up daringly redundantly, Moriarty was created solely to kill Holmes. Moriarty became almost as famed and also invented a role in the stories. Holmes did not stay dead. The role was out of the bag. MUST CLOSE BAG AND THROW IN RIVER. This, by nipping the idea/l at the bud by introducing it again for a second time, in order to decisively kill it. Melodramatically over-kill it. 

Or maybe it's just snakes are creepy af.

A final loose thought on Moriarty. On the character's legacy. When titling this piece, I didn't feel the need to shoe-horn in 'Sherlock Holmes,' because Moriarty is just as well known. An amazing feat (in this context or any) for such a fleeting character.  

::: very :::

Macanudo Cigars Inspirado Green in Review

Macanudo Cigars Inspirado Green in Review (OK, The Trendy Part)

WRAPPER: Brazilian Arapiraca
BINDER: Indonesian
FILLER: Dominican, Colombian

FORMAT: Robusto (552)
ORIGIN: General Cigar Dominicana
INTENSITY: Medium/Medium-full

NOTES:

Pinewood | Earth | Grains

Rigid. Staunch, even. Unmoving and crisp. Brisk. Pinewood structures in a lightly-charred manner, dryly-so. There isn't much to test that frame-work. A straight-forward earthen core of filtered sunlit clay is sweetened by a tick of malted orange blossom honey. Grains extend from there in a sharp (tho not unkind) rye-like fashion. Something like a chocolate tea biscuit establishes itself. Light baking spices are no more delineated than that. A fleeting bit of candied citrus is on the back-end and into a short clean finish. Smokes a bit like the homogenization of any downtown.

Well-balanced with a decent enough heft. Smoothly textured in a somewhat arid way. Not at all complex but instead rather simple. Pleasant, nonetheless. A bit of cream fleshes out the profile in the final two-thirds after pepper calms. That pepper never hits too hard. No transitions aside from that, making it a fairly linear thing. No real nuance, as the overall cleanliness doesn't allow for entrenchments. Something is missing; nothing is amiss. The maltiness as noted previously is a nifty layer, and via progression, influences the grain as well. OK, the trendy part of any downtown. 

As to construction and combustion, there is but one half-complaint: a quick-sided burn. Aside from that nit, the ash grows firm and sheathed. The draw is even and of a nice amount of resistance throughout. No hard/soft spots in the roll, neither pre-light nor heated. Dead-straight and razor-thin burn-line. Tight seams. Nice smoke out-put passively and actively, offering a sweet malty aroma and somewhat of a muted room-note. Smells of suede and pale ginger. Via a retro-hale, you can somewhat trap those notes on the palate. Overall, simple not boring and again, quite pleasant an affair--aided by care-free performance.

TASTE: B+
DRAW: A-
BURN: A-
BUILD: A-

FINAL GRADE: B+
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79

::: very :::

Excerpt XII from the Kaplowitz Media. Unnamed Cigar Dictionary Project

Excerpt XII from the Kaplowitz Media. Unnamed Cigar Dictionary (UCD) Project (V is for Victory)

"Also, I'm closing in on my last-half of February yearly hiatus which begins on the 14th and ends on March 1. During that period of time away, I'll be pumping a lot of energy into this project, and we'll see where we stand when that then has become our now." That was me, in the previous installment of UCD excerpts.

My hiatus, in reality, saw me mostly struggling through some stomach issues and being able to work on the UCD far less than I'd hoped to, due to that and other commitments. But don't worry, there's more bad news. Over that time I was made to further realize that the cost of paper these days is threatening to fairly double my costs of self-publishing. This project will continue, however. Slowly but surely and at the worst, will live digitally in some fashion. A book remains the ultimate goal.

Why self-publish? Because I am a control freak with a vision and without a literary agent.

::: EXCERPT :::

V is for Victory
The victory cigar, in sports, dates back to (according to some) 1961. It was then that a Crimson Tide coach Jim Goostree handed out congratulatory smokes upon the team beating their nemesis Volunteers. This victory snapped a six-year losing streak in those face-offs. Others, of which I am one, give credit to the legendary Red Aurbach. We Brooklynite Hebrew-Americans must stick together.

V-cutter A style of cigar Cutter that has out-lived its usefulness due to difficulties that this type has with today’s larger ring gauge cigars. However, it remains handy if you wish to mangle a cigar of any size and/or restrict the draw on a tapered offering. The ‘V’ comes from the shape that the cut leaves in the cap. Maybe from the shape of the blade. Maybe both. 

Operationally, it’s a subtype of Guillotine whose intent is to offer a wider surface to take bigger amounts of smoke in-through. It’s the same thought process that gave rise to ingesting alcohol via ‘other’ body orifices. Guys who use this cutter-type are generally also guys who say “Broski,” and “Humi.” BUT MUCH OF THIS IS JUST MY OPINION.

lol

Vein Tobacco is a plant and plants have leaves and leaves have veins. I have seen and heard many times, a person complain about veins in their cigar’s Filler. They are, however, a necessary aid in any offering insofar as firstly aiding burn, secondly adding a bit of flavor. As to Wrapper veins, an appearance of such will ding my rating of say a Connecticut Shade, but lesser-so a Connecticut Broadleaf.

There ya go, just polishing up the 'V' with a little spit-shine, if you will. I am working my way back through the ABCs, currently. WXYZ looks like it will be handled in one smallish and fell swoop.

I'd also like to note that this project has changed in some ways due to the recent passing of a certain individual. In light of that, some sources I have used to check my facts are Lee Marsh, Tobacconist University, and Cigar Aficionado. The UCD is now dedicated to Frank Seltzer.

This particular installment was aided by an article in The Athletic Ink entitled "Defiance, bragging: A history of victory cigars, from Red to MJ, Team Canada's party, Buckeyes and Bama, Lebron and Steph"

::: FONT GUIDE :::

(as to the above)

Excerpt from the work-in-progress book (UCD).
My thoughts on the work-in-progress book (UCD).
Italics within definitions are recommendations to see that entry.

::: WHAT DID I JUST READ? :::

As you Gentlepersons hopefully know or are at the ::: very ::: least now FINALLY aware of under that rock of yours, I am constructing a Cigar Dictionary. A book. It is yet to have been named. Its working title is "Unnamed Cigar Dictionary" (UCD). I will change that "As soon as possible" (ASAP). Nevertheless, the idea of the whole thing, the game plan, is that I will blog the process of creating & assembling the UCD on a non-scheduled basis.

Included in these blog posts will be my italicized thoughts regarding said creating & assembling process--and as we get closer to it being a book proper, the process of that, as well. THESE WILL NOT BE INCLUDED IN THE FINISHED BOOK. Please note that not everything, including the whole or part of definitions, will appear in the finished book.

To read other excerpts, search Unnamed Cigar Dictionary or UCD, in the Search Kaplowitz Media. field to the right of your screen. The Blog Archive can also be perused.

The completion of this project has *NO TIMEFRAME.

::: very :::

JM Barrie and His Three Sherlock Holmes Pastiches

lo-fi & lovely

JM Barrie and His Three Sherlock Holmes Pastiches | Reviewed and Ranked!

MY EVENING WITH SHERLOCK HOLMES (1891)

Interestingly, this was written only four months after the publication of Arthur Conan Doyle's Scandal in Bohemia, making it a quite early jab, indeed. This parody-pastiche at Barrie's hand warranted a mention in a letter ACD wrote to his mother. Apparently, the line runs in such a way as to not offer feelings on the matter but to inform her that it was Barrie who had (anonymously) done it.

"I perceive, Mr. Anon, from the condition of your cigar-cutter, that you are not fond of music," I replied blandly, "Yes, that is obvious." And so, Anon and Holmes trade barbs in the form of deductions in much the same manner as did Holmes and Mycroft in The Greek Interpreter. Although here, there is no billiard-marker or the other, and the role of Watson is played by Doyle, much more flabbergastedly-so. (& "well-simulated.")

Except for in this exchange, it's one-sided and Anon fairly pummels Holmes at his own game. I've said before, just once and not publicly, I prefer canon and am quite picky with pastiche--of which I find the best to be buried in parody. I can't help but wonder if ACD had this bit in mind when he had Holmes and Mycroft stand shoulder to shoulder and duel two years later.

THE ADVENTURE OF THE TWO COLLABORATORS (1893)

This one was written as a gift for Doyle, on the event of their co-writing a comic opera in the same year, "Jane Anne; or, The Good Conduct Prize." The two Scots were great pals from the well-back and each, of course, superb writers. This should guarantee success but alas it did not. Audiences were disappointed and bored. A line in this parody runs: "They are two collaborators in comic opera, and their play has not been a triumph."

There's much springing to the ceiling "(which is much dented)" and maybe they're simply less egregiously "mere authors." Holmes, in the end, shrinks away into a smoke ring and is gone off from Watson and their two visitors. I'm sure their interaction means something deeper than finding blame for their flop. But like that flop, this one is a miss. Plus, having Watson 'ejaculate' time and time again would have been much, much funnier; hindsight being 20/20.

THE LATE SHERLOCK HOLMES (1893)

This one was published a single month after The Final Problem in which Holmes meets his end. Or, as we now know it, at the onset of the Great Hiatus. The most interesting thing about this one is that it teases at the Watson as a serial murderer idea I've seen floating about recently. I admittedly am newly privy to said floating but it does have the stench of age on it with a lingering hint of ebbing & flowing.

Anyway, this bit of pastiche was published in The St. James Gazzette, a London newspaper, and made to fit that theme. SPOILER ALERT ON A 129-YEAR-OLD STORY: Watson is arrested for the murder of Holmes but then Holmes shows up quite alive at Baker Street. Could this have been a spoiler as to Holmes' return? Maybe Barrie had his (educated?) suspicions Doyle wasn't really done with his creation? Who knows.

In any event, this one falls in-between the first two in terms of my bogus rankings. If you're still wondering who JM Barrie is, he's the fellow who wrote Peter Pan. He and ACD were, as noted above, great friends from the beginning of Doyle's writing career until his passing. They didn't talk much about Doyle's Spiritualism at the request of Barrie, but there was some wise-cracking in regards to Barrie's diminutive stature. Truly besties.

Online resources for this article include: The Arthur Conan Doyle Encyclopedia, Wikipedia (Jane Annie) particularly The Referee May 14, 1893. 

::: very :::

Gurkha Cigars Revenant Maduro in Review

Gurkha Cigars Revenant Maduro in Review (You Eventually do Taste That)

WRAPPER: Mexican San Andres
BINDER: Cameroon
FILLER: Dominican, Nicaraguan

FORMAT: Robusto box-press
ORIGIN: Tabacalera El Artista, Dominican Republic
INTENSITY: Medium

NOTES:
Leather | Hickory | Worcestershire sauce

All that and an in&out and wobbly-so espresso. Leather is thick, hidey, and wraps around wood, cushioning and adding savoriness to (attempted) structure. Said wood is a hickory/mesquite sort of thing. Smokey bits emanate from there and influence an underneath baking chocolate note in a neat way. Through the retro-hale and onto the olfactory is a Worcestershire back-end. Finishes long and quite cleanly. Black peppercorn drives but never races. Also, chicory.

Smoke is quite smooth and of moderate weight but feels lighter in its fine bone china delivery. Notes lack a certain delineation and all sort of fall into themselves, then into a compost pile. Manure. Balance is achieved but it's no hard task given the mainly-flat profile. Some subtle complexities do exist in the leather/wood and Worcestershire additions. Larger than average nuance and depth of notes, particularly in the sneaky cocoa. There is a transition of sorts at the closing of the 2/3, where pumpernickel bread toasts in the earthy components.

Smokes ::: very ::: fast, most likely due to being under-stuffed in order to attain a super-flat format. Feels a bit like holding a wafer in your lips. Draws all well & good, perhaps a tick toward too open for my tastes. Burn happens on a slight wave but needs no redirecting. Ash is dark, flaky-powdery, and splits at least once. Smoke out-put is moderate but lacks weight and leads to a wispy room-note of far-away peppered beef jerky in a paper bag. You eventually do taste that.

TASTE: B+
DRAW: B+
BURN: B
BUILD: B+

FINAL GRADE: B+
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79

::: very :::

Sherlock Holmes, Arthur Conan Doyle, and an ADP Briar-Root Pipe

Sherlock Holmes, Arthur Conan Doyle, and an ADP Briar-Root Pipe (ACD Was the World's First Social Media Influencer?)

"We all filed into the front room and sat round the central table while the Inspector unlocked a square tin box and laid a small heap of things before us. There was a box of vestas, two inches of tallow candle, an A.D.P. briar-root pipe..." [SILV] These are but part of the personal effects of one John Straker, the newly-departed trainer of Silver Blaze.

ADP is a trademark of the Adolph Posener & Co., headed-up by one Adolph David Posener. It is not, as some apparently suggest, to be taken as Alfred Dunhill Pipe. Dunhill pipes were still a good few years from their (1904 at the earliest) inception and also never used that insignia. The Adventure of Silver Blaze, to be clear, was published in 1892.

AP&C, a London briar, meerschaum, and clay pipe manufacturer was on-the-scene at the time of Arthur Conan Doyle and definitely while he was writing Silver Blaze. Doyle, like his creation Sherlock Holmes, was no stranger to tobacco, and I like to think of him puffing at his briar while putting pen to paper. I sometimes do the same thing, often. A look around, need a name... Let's see... Ronson Butane Fuel. (Not a sponsor.)

(A thought crosses my mind.) Why did Doyle name names when 'a briar-root pipe' would have done? He doesn't mention brands in any of the other but one (more on that in a tick) of the items mentioned. Let me continue after the "..." of the quote up-top. "a pouch of seal-skin with half an ounce of long-cut Cavendish, a silver watch with a gold chain, five sovereigns in gold, an aluminium pencil-case, a few papers, and an ivory-handled knife with a very delicate, inflexible blade marked Weiss & Co., London."

Could it be that ACD was the world's first social media influencer? Silver Blaze as a sponsored Instagram post? Did Adolph Posener & Co. send him a free pipe or two in return for this shout-out? We may never know, quite thankfully. The other name brand mentioned here is, as you can and hopefully have read, Weiss & Co. London. This is an odder hat tip because the company's actual name seems to have been John Weiss & Son, a 1700 & 1800s London surgical equipment concern.

'Funny' story. There are some ties here of the familial/professional variety, in that Frederick Foveaux Weiss (a partner at JW&S at a time) died in 1892. Perhaps just a name in the news (even an acquaintance or chum). Particularly news of an industry ACD was well-enough versed in, as he of course studied (and tried hard to successfully practice) medicine. Thankfully, as the story goes, while Doyle waited for patients who never-enough called, he honed his fiction-writing chops.

Another (closing) thought. A hurdle that seems to have existed between ACD and his famed creation is that Doyle was not, according to himself, a man who easily noticed small details. I'd imagine this made it quite hard for him to have come up with the subtle almost imperceptible nuances that Holmes needed to grok in order to make his deductions. Perhaps the love of a smoke they held in common was a place for the writer to feel at ease in the world of 221b. I like that bet best.

Online Resources for this article include: Project Gutenberg, The Arthur Conan Doyle Encyclopedia, Pipes Magazine, &, of course, Wikipedia (John Weiss & Son). 

::: very :::

Macanudo Cigars Inspirado Black in Review

Macanudo Cigars Inspirado Black in Review (Buffed not Buff)

WRAPPER: Connecticut Broadleaf
BINDER: Equadorian Sumatran
FILLER: Nicaraguan

FORMAT: Robusto (47/8x48)
ORIGIN: General Cigar Dominicana
INTENSITY: Medium-full

NOTES:
Black pepper | Molasses | Patent leather

Buffed not buff. Shiny and skinny-sinewy strong. Polished. There's even a slight metallic lilt on the back-end that scans as chromed. Front and rest of palate is big black pepper, ground, shaken straight out of a tin. A wobbly blackstrap molasses plays second-fiddle to that. There's a patent leather note, spit-shined, and almost enveloping the whole shebang. The rest is a compost pile left out in the sun to dry. Flinty. Wet stone.

There is an additional dried dark fruitiness in the 2/3 that seems to cling to the leather, seep into the compost. Further into that third, there's a dark coffee--thin sharp go-juice--a workingman's thermos. These additions evolve and settle by mid-point and there-on out it's all cruise control. I keep being surprised I sense no woodsiness and remain unsure as to what structures the profile. But it is structured, delineated, balanced in a sparse manner. 

Cast iron. Performance-wise, the draw seems a bit more restricted than it wants to be. No, I can't quantify that statement. Ash builds in a clumped flaky manner, but not egregiously, can almost make an inch. No hard/soft spots, nor softening of the firm pre-light roll. Pacing of smoke is nice, as is its out-put. Sneaky nice aroma in a sweeter more mature look at primary notes. Ultimately, a lack of body and wimpy strength fail the rest of this peppery, but not peppery 'nuff, profile.

TASTE: B
DRAW: B+
BURN: B+
BUILD: B+

FINAL GRADE: B+
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79

::: very :::

Balmoral Cigars Anejo XO Connecticut in Review

Balmoral Cigars Anejo XO Connecticut in Review (Creamily-so. Dreamily-so.)

WRAPPER: US Connecticut
BINDER: Ecuadoran Sumatran
FILLER: Brazilian Dominican, US PA

FORMAT: Corona
ORIGIN: Royal Agio, Dominican Republic
INTENSITY: Mild-medium

NOTES:
Cocoa butter | White pepper | Cafe Au Lait

"[Balmoral is] A brand kiboshed in the US market by its overlings at Scandinavian Tobacco Group back in 2020 on account of low sales and FDA blah blah blah." (Me, Hiatus Report | A Birthday Unicorn)

Terroir is the tale this blend tells. Its somewhat frail (though unmarred) silky-smooth wrapper, its equally refined flavors of smoothly-bright tangy bitter-sweet depths. The paleness of its complexion. All ::: very ::: US Connecticut as compared to other countries' Connies.

You stare into the kindly well-lit abyss and it stares back at you and sometimes you aren't certain either of you saw what you think you maybe saw. Cocoa butter, coconut flake, Cafe Au lait, creamy hay? White pepper, Chamomile (apple-y), Suede? Chicken coop, suede, White chocolate? Citrus (growing via progression). A spoonful of sugar accompanies each, though never cloyingly.

Well balanced, sneakily delineated on the back-end, and into the lingering-building sweet-floral finish. Complex and nuanced, if you believe it is. You can either sit & stare off at it and into the mist, or pleasantly go about your business as it leaves its kind taste on your palate. Either/or. There are transitions of evolving notes deepening ever-so little.

As to mechanics, all is care-free & EZ. Slow burn. Excellent draw. Nice ash. Moderate smoke out-put culminating in a room-note you'd expect from the profile, quite creamily-so. Dreamily-so. Really, it makes sense to have pulled this from the US market and continue it in Europe. It's an excellent profile for the mores of that geography.

TASTE: A-
DRAW: A
BURN: A-
BUILD: A-

FINAL GRADE: A-
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79

::: very :::

Macanudo Cigars Inspirado Orange in Review

Macanudo Cigars Inspirado Orange in Review (Bibliosmia (Old Books)

WRAPPER: Honduran
BINDER: Honduran
FILLER: Dominican, Honduran, Nicaraguan

FORMAT: Toro
ORIGIN: General Cigar Dominicana
INTENSITY: Medium

NOTES:
White pepper | Bandage adhesive | Honey

A gate-to-wire vastly unchangeable melange of the following, led by dried bandage adhesive and honey malt*: White peppercorn becomes coarsely-ground via progression, cardboard, pale spice, weakly-brewed lightly-roasted coffee, clotted cream (in & out), and chicken coop. *Dissecting the said honey malt: white toast, unsalted pretzel crumbs, and a certain tartness.

Having no strident delineations can lead to a certain sense of complexity, sure. Some sneaky nice depths, to be fair. Also, quite drying to the palate. Balance is back-door achieved via a notable flatness. Really a quite simple--say attainable--offering of sweetness backed by a bit of a quite-calm kick. Would be comfort food if not for that kick casting a long and arid shadow. I almost tasted milk chocolate maybe twice there.

Burns well, if not a bit fast. A slight wobble to its thin line grows long, dense ash. Draws nicely on an even-keeled tension. Nice smoke out-put is much heavier in the air than in the smoke-hole. Aromas are a notable bibliosmia (old books), and a subtle suede in addition to primary draw notes. Other than the cap clear coming off at the cut, performance is sans any real (major) complaint.

TASTE: B-
DRAW: A-
BURN: B+
BUILD: A-

FINAL GRADE: B+
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79

::: very :::

What We Celebrate on National Cigar Day

What We Celebrate on National Cigar Day (... the Remainder of the Tale)

Every year on February 27th, we American cigar smokers light one up in celebration of National Cigar Day. What we're celebrating though is quite more precise than simply our own spendable income and nicotine appreciation. And that quite more has a name. We are (or perhaps should be) celebrating one Mr. Oscar Hammerstein and his cigar-making innovations.

Mr. Hammerstein was born in 1845 Germany and died in 1919 USA. In between, he found work in an NYC cigar factory, eventually becoming a manufacturer then magnate. He also founded the US Tobacco Journal and became the owner of some 80 patents, predominantly in the cigar realm. The most lauded of these is a sort of vacuum-like addition to existent machines which aided in the cutting of leaves by holding them out-stretched and in-place.

With the money earned from this and his other cigar-related inventions and earnings, he became rather wealthy. Indeed, enough so that he became a staunch financial supporter of New York Theater. An interest so inherent in him was theater, that if his name sounds familiar, it's because it is. He is the great-grandfather of famed lyricist Oscar Hammerstein II. And now you know... the remainder of the tale.

So next National Cigar Day, maybe take in a show tune or two while puffing your smoke. I know I won't.

::: very :::