Friday, April 30, 2021

AUDIO SPECIAL: Kaplowitz Radio. Podcast Volume 2 Issue 2 Number 215 April 2021

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AUDIO SPECIAL: Kaplowitz Radio. Podcast Volume 2 Issue 2 Number 215 April 2021


I read some of my writing then a short Sherlock Holmes bit of pastiche/parody by Arthur Conan Doyle, and then from a Nat Sherman cigar book (Chapter 1, A Passion For Cigars). For full show notes CLICK HERE.

Typically posted only to Kaplowitz Radio. & available everywhere fine podcasts are ignored; I've also decided to usher in the weekend here at Kaplowitz Media. w/ the latest episode of Kaplowitz Radio. Podcast [which] Posts every month's final Friday. [it is] The Kaplowitz Radio. [Podcast Network] flagship & titular podcast presentation. A monthly Kaplowitz Media. audio recapitulation, say. + varying amounts of lector content.


::: very :::

Thursday, April 29, 2021

Kaplowitz Media. SPECIAL REPORT: Recently Reviewed B - I - G Cigars RANKED

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Kaplowitz Media. SPECIAL REPORT: Recently Reviewed B - I - G Cigars RANKED 

Since spring has been sprung for a tenuous to solid moment now depending on your region, many an outdoor-only cigar smoker can spend more time comfortably puffing. This means bigger cigars. Bigger is better*! You might even say you cannot spell "better" without B-I-G... but you'd be outing yourself as an illiterate. Speaking of illiterates--I do not know how to reach them via these means but if you know one--please inform them that no video version of this written post will be available. I will, however, maybe read it on a future Kaplowitz Radio. Podcast ep. 

Back to big cigars. They ain't small, see? But 'big' has quite recently changed and is continuing to do-so. Not long back--a decade maybe--the 50 ring gauge Robusto topped the charts, pushed the envelopes, and even tipped the scales. Now, we have 60s, 70s, and even 80s all being quite available and collectively sounding like an old person's radio station playing hits from each decade. #OKBoomer I digress. Here's a ranked list of my most recently reviewed large cigars. Girth? 58+ and you gotta be, say 5.5" to figure. Yes, that's what she said. Also, pinpoint measurements such as these do lend a certain science-y cred.

Speaking of science and things sort of like science, when dealing with cigars of these sizes, it's important to recall what Freud had to say about all this with his famous quip, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." Meaning, of course, it isn't a large throbbing phallus, you silly-billy. Interestingly enough, Siggy never spoke nor wrote that. It seems the earliest use of the "quote" is circa 1950 and the fucking weirdo good doctor was dead as a doornail by 1939. Sorry, I'll go ahead & get to that list now...

GOLD MEDAL

SILVER MEDAL

BRONZE MEDAL

NOTE that these occasional GOLD | SILVER | BRONZE (GSB) listicles live independently of the big end of the year list & even monthly best-ofs. Please don't hold me accountable for this. Consider these the lore, not canon, of the Kaplowitz Media. Universe (#KMU)

PLEASE ALSO NOTE the rather low grades of these 'best' offerings of this size. Succinctly, *bigger isn't always better. However, it can readily and nigh usually be a tedious blandmuddledmelange of an affair.

@kaplowitzmedia

Wednesday, April 28, 2021

Ventura Cigar Co. Archetype The Master in Review

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Ventura Cigar Co. 
Archetype The Master

WRAPPER: Nicaraguan
BINDER: Nicaraguan
FILLER: Nicaraguan

FORMAT: Toro (652)
ORIGIN: Nicaragua
INTENSITY: Full

WEBSITE: venturacigar.com

NOTES:
Pepper-spice | Hickory | Chicory

Kicky & boozily-so but not unkind(necessarily) out-of-the-gate and for maybe the first two furloughs. Black & red peppers, baking spices. When that subdues, & it doesn't by much, a chicory-laced N'awlins coffee note shows itself. Some hickory, a touch of cocoa. Hickory evolves a bit of scorchy-bite tendency, is sorted-some by a further intro of smoky earth, sparse but thick leather swatches. A wooly fibrous vibe. Leather elbow patches on a professorial sportscoat? Aggressive but not impolite. Bold, not brash. Smoky, not scorched(mainly). 

Hot Toddy tidings come & go. Something of roasted chestnut. Somehow distinctly a fireplace & not a campfire. In terms of the Mystery genre, this would be a Cozy varietal. I imagine I hear the crackling fire, realize to my chagrin it's the cigar itself. A seam loosens, the leaf splits a coarse-jagged hair. Coarse is an apt word--tho not so much as to be unpleasant. Brawny. Sinewy. Not terribly complex but does show some nice nuance. Well-balanced once it hits its stride. Finishes in a spiced mash bill of gritty earthiness. At the far end is a sweet-citrus surprise that cleanses well. 

Performance-wise I've already mentioned the seam & split--this remains cosmetic but will ding the grade, natch. The char-line is rather thick & operates on a bit of a puckered-wobble, altho no re-touch is needed. The pace of smoke is quick-side of moderate and in keeping with the plot (a fast cozy?) Ash stacks well in varying coinage widths: dime, nickel, a penny. I'd like to say farthing. A bit dry, as is the palate. Smoke out-put is muchly but aroma is lesser-so; a spiced leather room-note builds slowly. A simple-strong unboring smoke for when the sun don't shine & the hooch do flow.

TASTE: B+
DRAW: A-
BURN: B
BUILD: B-

FINAL GRADE: B+
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

Other Ventura reviews:

@kaplowitzmedia

Tuesday, April 27, 2021

Five Important Pieces of Terrible Advice for Nascent Cigar Smokers

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Five Important Pieces of Terrible Advice for Nascent Cigar Smokers

1. So you've decided to smoke cigars. You should immediately bring this monumentous decision into your identity by relentlessly referring to yourself as a "cigar guy." A thing cigar guys do is cigar guys smoke cigars all the time. They smoke while golfing, mowing the yard, eating/drinking, and doing EVERYTHING. Particularly make sure to take selfies while smoking under/next to No Smoking signs (but I get ahead of myself by a step). Begin to think and maybe even think aloud thoughts which begin with "As a cigar guy..." This will help you make both small and large choices through the lens of cigars--even if you would at first believe one has nothing to do with the other. For instance "As a cigar guy what watch should I buy?" 

2. Speaking of selfies & watches that look cool in pics of you holding a smoke, have you incorporated Cigar Guy into your social media name yet? Why the holy fuck not? Simply keep your first name & change your last name to something like TheCigarGuy, TheCigarBoss, or simply Cigars. Or vice-versa if you wanna go wild; say CigarGuy ______. Make sure to connect with other ______ TheCigarGuys and also with cigar industry figures. Join a minimum of 100 cigar groups on Facebook. POST THOSE PICTURES of what you smoke to all those groups as well as to your profile. Some said cigar industry figures might even send you free cigars in order for you to take pictures of/with their product! 

3. Got some free sticks from cigar industry figures? You must be ::: very ::: special. You definitely have a knack for this. START REVIEWING CIGARS PRONTO. You'll find YouTube to be the easiest platform to start on. Just talk into the camera on your phone & upload! What can be easier? I'll tell you what's not easier--actually reviewing cigars. That's, in effect, rather complex if not downright difficult to grow into. DO NOT ATTEMPT GROWTH. Cover your ass by degrading 'other' cigar reviewers as well as cigar reviews in your cigar review videos, in which you don't actually review cigars but say that you do. Brilliant!!! Also, wear swag from the company whose cigar you are/n't reviewing at the time. It lends credence.

4. You're doing great! Now get more cigars. A lot more. No, more. Much, much more. More than more. Never settle for a solo desktop humidor, those are not for real cigar smokers the likes of you. They are for not real cigar smokers, and look at ya--you've probably been smoking for most of six months now! Check out C-bid. [side note: always publicly lament your amount of C-bid purchases. Make mention of shopping while drunk and/or pissing off your wife lol.] You still listening? This is of utmost importance... Set up Tupperdors and a Coolerdor, post-haste. Post-haste means ASAP. Publicly ask stupid questions which have all been answered a million times before, regarding your Tupperdor/Coolerdor. People must know that you have many, many cigars.

5. Become an authority by continuing to state your authority using hyperbole. Words like EPIC, & phrases like GAME CHANGER should be used in reference to yourself as well as your body of work (maybe a half-dozen videos). Be completely ignorant of things like comparative and vertical/horizontal tastings so that you might claim to have invented them. Don't worry about being caught here, seeing as your viewers have already proved to be even dumber than you. Begin to call out large groups of random people as 'not real cigar smokers' and also keep on w/ 'bullshit reviewers.' Double-down on that angle by calling BS on actual tasting notes and ratings. Say "I'll just tell you if I like the cigar or not." Then blast others for being subjective.

To borrow from John Updike, "To these concrete five might be added a vaguer sixth," Always go with the Crowned Heads hat and Drew Estate t-shirt. Carpe diem. Carpe diem means YOLO.

Monday, April 26, 2021

Kinship Cigars Belicoso in Review

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Kinship Cigars Belicoso in Review

WRAPPER: Pennsylvania Broadleaf
BINDER: Dominican
FILLER: Dominican

FORMAT: Belicoso (652)
ORIGIN: Dominican Republic
INTENSITY: Mild-medium

NOTES:
Lemon/Lemonhead candy | Sandy-suede | White peppercorn

High, tight, bright. Screaming lemon + lemon candy. Bitter-bitey piney. Sour, glaringly-so. White peppercorn sharply-zings. Flies-away untethered from/to white sand beaches. Unbroken-in workboots? Rubber soles.

TASTE: C+
DRAW: B
BURN: B
BUILD: B

FINAL GRADE: B-
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

Other Kinship reviews:
Kinship Robusto
Kinship Robusto (audio)
Kinship Toro

@KaplowitzMedia on IG & Twitter


::: very :::

Sunday, April 25, 2021

Kaplowitz Media. Cigars of the Month (April 2021)

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Kaplowitz Media. Cigars of the Month (April 2021)

Apologies for the Sunday posting. Alas, the 25th is the 25th. I try to not bombard your weekends with exciting new posts, as I prefer to allow Gentlepersons to meander then, across stuff they might have missed. Nevertheless...

Kaplowitz Media.
CIGARS of the MONTH: APRIL 2021
[Names are links to full reviews]


Well, well. Two cigars, one brand. I can't help but wonder if this is what Mike Weinstein meant when he so famously now said "Limited." 

@kaplowitzmedia


Look into ADVentura Cigars. HERE

Friday, April 23, 2021

Kaplowitz Media. Special Feature | Book Excerpt III

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Kaplowitz Media. Special Feature | Book Excerpt III. From a collection of tales as told to me by Phil Zanghi, regarding his life in tobacco & beyond. Due out soon...

:::

Cabanas. They're like flophouses. Mostly they charge by the hour, but I'd hole up in a 'nice' one for the night. Fifty bucks. I would tell the clerk I'm fumigating my house. They never asked. I'd be alone in my room there, a case of Scotch and bucket of coke. Binges like you would not believe. I missed my family. They were coming here. Here, where the cops shot at me. I could see myself almost having it all but then the paranoia...

I'd swirl a teaspoon of coke in two fingers of Scotch, drink it down. It was an unholy color. I'd leave rails out for myself on the table, so when I got too drunk to drink I'd crawl over there, bump. A couple of seconds later, look at me in the mirror. "How am I not drunk? I look fine?" The Cabanas had free ice, I'd make myself an ice bath and lay in it with my Scotch & cocaine. I never did that stuff at my nice little house. Never wanted to curse it. I was cursing myself.

I never missed work. Until I did. First a Friday then a Monday and work started calling me. Then Danny checked in, in person. Danny and I headed to a casino. "How do you get sober?" I turned to him there. He looked at me, said nothing. The binges get worse. The paranoia gets worse. The weekends get longer. Danny calls two weeks later.

"What's going on?"
"I'm fucked up and I want to stop," I say.

He has someone else on the line. He tells me to tell her everything. Then I'm on my way to Hattiesburg, Mississippi. A rehab clinic called Pine Grove. Danny had already talked to my wife and sister about it. The company paid in full for my three-month stay. I sobered up alongside doctors and judges. I dropped thirty pounds. I'm 16 years sober as of now. It was the best experience of my life. The first time I got to worry about myself. "I'm here to be fixed" I remember telling them. I think I mainly am.


::: very :::

Thursday, April 22, 2021

Sherlock Holmes Upon the Distinction Between the Ashes of the Various Tobaccos or, My Cigar Smoking Views on Stacking Dimes & Silver Sheaths

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Sherlock Holmes Upon the Distinction Between the Ashes of the Various Tobaccos or, My Cigar Smoking Views on Stacking Dimes & Silver Sheaths

"I have made a special study of cigar ashes--in fact, I have written a monograph on the subject." - Sherlock Holmes to Dr. Watson, in A Study in Scarlett. It bears mentioning that this is the first book of Watson's recorded Holmes deductions, making it a thing prominently displayed right-off & even employed as part of solving said first case.

Again, this time in The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: "I found the ash of a cigar, which my special knowledge of tobacco ashes enabled me to pronounce as an Indian cigar. I have, as you know, devoted some attention to this, and written a little monograph on the ashes of 140 different varieties of pipe, cigar, and cigarette tobacco."

Of course, Holmes is famously depicted as a prodigious imbiber of tobacco. IN CANON HE NEVER SMOKED A CALABASH. "I reached this one [conclusion]," said my friend, "by sitting upon five pillows and consuming an ounce of shag. I think, Watson, that if we drive to Baker Street we shall be just in time for breakfast." Penned Sir Arthur Conan Doyle--himself the real-life physician of his Watson character.

While the good fictional doctor denounced Sherlock's use of the harder stuff (which was all legal at the time of the original writings), he put up with and also indulged in cigars with his "consulting detective" friend & flat-mate. He also usually had his own pipe at the ready, with a filled bowl of Arcadia Mixture. Watson, smartly, did not share in Holmes' cigarette use, as I sometimes (lesser-smartly) do. I am the tobacco.

I believe it's when they (Holmes & Watson) first meet to talk rooming together in (again) A Study in Scarlett that Sherlock warns him of his heavy tobacco usage. Also, on an occasion, the Doc does make some mention of Holmes poisoning the air with his briar pipe or some such thing. Before I slip too far down the slope of completely dissecting and disseminating Sherlock's BOTL habits--I must remember alongside confessing, that all this super impressive build-up is just so that I can spew my own thoughts regarding cigar ash. 

I practically promise to at some vague point in the future, write all about Sherlock's tobacco choices.

In the meantime, here's how I'm framing this current thing... I have employed the aid of a popular internet search engine by prompting the likes of "why is my cigar ash..." and allowing this popular internet search engine to do the rest via offering up full(ish) questions in completion of those prompts. I took note of them all and will now answer... er... deduce all below. Not quite a "three-pipe problem" as far as problems go, but should prove a bit of fun infotainment. Finally, I'll be answering five (5) in total--who, what, when, where, why--& we begin! 

The game is afoot!

And begins with a bonus "how."
Would you believe all this is free content???*

"How to ash my cigar?" Firstly, whenever you want, chrissakes. I already hate this fucking game. If the ash clings on to the point of over-insulating the burn, roll it off. If it looks like it's about to dump, roll it off. Roll it off? Sure, I prefer to roll mine off in a tray bottom. At least promise me you'll never flick yours like a Marlboro. In terms of reviewing & rating cigars, I need to see a solid inch of growth in order to deem it A-Ok. It's a thing that speaks to construction. But whatever--you do you. Even if your fetish is carefully-uncomfortably contorting yourself while ruining your entire experience just to chase the longest ash possible. A weird fetish, that one. 

"Who ashes cigar in" ... rest? Ashing a cigar in a cigar rest is a lot like ashing a cigar on the top of a fucking piece of furniture. Henceforth it is #HotTake time CIGAR RESTS ARE TRASH. They are the least important part of the ashtray(the finger/s), minus the tray. The saucer under a cup is a more useful cigar accessory. I need a thing to put my ash in, not lay my cigar on, see? Plus, any table edge can be a 'rest.' That's why Jesus made table edges in the first place. It's in the Book of Mormon. Cigar rests. Phooey. 

"What is the ash on a cigar" ... called? George Washington's white horse was white. Also, Grant is buried in Grant's tomb. Which is to say I don't fully get the question? Unless you're taking a stab at picking up cigar lingo so as to go undercover and infiltrate a cigar organization. n that case, stacking dimes is one cool thing to say. Smoother ash is referred to as a sheath. A silver sheath is when the sheath is silver. Overly white ash tends to flake and speaks to an over-abundance of minerals in the soil. I never had that effect taste, just looks. "Cherry" is the part that burns hot red and should be centered--plus not all that hot red. 

"When..." somehow awkwardly becomes "how often should you ash a cigar" This answer supersedes any other herein as to this sort of thing. Precisely every 10 minutes. I recommend setting a digital timer. Also, a real cigar smoker takes a puff every 60-90 seconds depending on the offering's vitola. Be real. If you can't be real, be Ron Real. If you can be Batman, you're probably not smart enough to be Sherlock.

"Where to dispose of cigar ash?" is a question that was given me from a dissimilar prompt in-fact so dissimilar as to not bear mention. Let it cool in the tray or on your table-top if you insist on using that stupid cigar rest of yours. What's the for real query here? I bet it's how to not let your house smell like cigar smoke. Which is really just 'how do I not piss off my significant other?' I don't play that game. I guess it's common courtesy to your-own self and others that you take the cooled ashes outside and not let them sit in the bottom of your kitchen trashcan for days on end, you lazy sonofabitch. Or so I've been told. Over and over and over again. Sometimes I toss the ashes in my rose garden but only when I'm feeling poetic.

"Why is my cigar ash"... black? Well, it has to do with the mineral (magnesium) content of the soil the seeds sprung from. Higher mineral content yields white-silvery ash. Lesser, and you get your ugly black ash. Beyond cosmetics, darker ash, lesser mineral (nutrient) rich soils--will tend to hit the palate as acidic. Unpleasant, indeed. Also unpleasant is anytime I hear the word "ash" used where the word "ass" should be. As in "Ash Holes" and "Fat Ash." Fuck that. I typically see this behavior run rampant in the same circles as middle-aged men who flip cameras the bird and take selfies smoking in front of no smoking signs.

::: very :::

Wednesday, April 21, 2021

A Study in Mombacho: An Analysis of Recent Cigar News Events

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A Study in Mombacho: An Analysis of Recent Cigar News Events 

The year of our Lord 2021 has seen Mombacho Cigars thoroughly & completely unable to stay out of the news cycle for any real length of time. It all (mostly) began right up-top in January w/ its co-founder Cameron Heaps returning to the fold as Prez. This left Claudio Sgroi a then Former Prez, but still on as blender & partner. The next month, Jared Ingrisano is brought on board as the new Director of Global Sales. So far so good 'nuff but maybe not because...

February brought news that Claudio Sgroi, after ten years, would be leaving the company. Zoinks!, right? No blender. *poof* Then we sleep-skate thru the month of March because even Usain Bolt couldn't keep this particular pace for too long. & then boom... Indiana Ortez is hired on as GM come April. Still in April, our mass-much beloved Jessi Flores is named Mombaco's creative director. In the video announcement, he mumbles something about maybe blending or something. I can't find the video to watch it again but I seem to recall birds chirping quite loud in its festive background.

At least now we can cool down & digest, yeah? Excitement is in the air, a new day looms nigh on this old day's horizon. A social media online marketing wiz in Ortez, exhilaratingly young & fresh and set to team with a middle-aged graffiti artist and we're gonna see progress like progress is going out of style, fam. Fam! Except, no new blends but new packaging & catchy campaigns for sure. & w/ steady-pro Jared micro-handling adulting stuff while Razzle & Dazzle doth play. All this under Heaps mainly watchful mostly interested eyes. 

It's a double-edged sword and if--if--a cigar brand death pool (say) was being kept, It'd probably be decided by the books to stop taking action on Mombacho for a spell. Sure, exciting things seem bound to occur but going tits up to this sun can at times be rather hair-raising & knuckle-whitening. To be clear, there is no cigar brand death pool neither real nor imaginary, and as far as you know. But I do like to think it'd be Barry Fitzgerald in The Quiet Man, waving off the wagering punters. "Gentlepersons, Gentlepersons. Decorum!" He'd admonish drunkenly.

Also, !!! it's now the 20th of April and Aganorsa has just sued Mombacho over its use of the Mombacho name!!! Fuuuuuuck. The final key to this locked-room mystery, & ain't every mystery a locked-room mystery since the air has been poison for 13 months now? Time to deduce. 

Sgroi sees the writing on the wall, bails. I mean this name gripe has a legal history to it & one that's been in Aganorsa's favor. But big whoop. Cameron was already back in and we don't need a blender--we don't need new shit, it's the last shit we need-- we need REBRANDING to move old shit. A new name, new packaging, a ground-up new direction. Cigars, we got. I mean it's not like they've been hard to keep in stock flying off the shelves. My offering up all that, I suppose begs my thoughts on handicapping the future. I like Jared and hate to see him soon suffering ulcers and maybe nervous facial ticks.

This team is/was built for this.

A new name, sure. LOUD BRIGHT... no, LOUDER BRIGHTER super cool packaging and some super cool #hashtags but not much or enough more movement--just Heaps of cigars stacked up high but not so much let fly. This could be spectacular--with no one to really, really blame. Traction is hard and really-really tricky and even the best stuff often fails. Add in a name change and ouch. There's no mis-step or at least no better option not taken. This "new" company, we'll call it Camp Granada Cigars ["Hello Muddah, hello Faddah. Here I am at Camp Grenada." - Allan Sherman.] will, however, be pivotal regarding all mentioned. 

How so? Winners & losers... woof. I'm really doing this, huh? OK. Heaps loses because he's already playing the David role and Goliath only lost that one time, a long time ago--he's a martyr in waiting. Jared wins because: have wits (and Tums, Valium) will travel. Indiana wins just on account of the experience gained but has a hole to dig & re-invent herself out of, will--after a time. Flores has the least to lose but loses that much in this experimental effort. I don't see it bothering him, tho.

There it is, all laid out. Time will tell. 

::: very :::

El Bravo Cigars Reserva Especial Serie Natural in Review

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El Bravo Cigars Reserva Especial Serie Natural

WRAPPER: San Andres
BINDER: Undisclosed
FILLER: Undisclosed

FORMAT: Toro
ORIGIN: Dominican Republic
INTENSITY: Undisclosed

WEBSITE: elbravocigars.com

NOTES:
Spiced creaminess | Green & black peppercorn | Lemongrass 

Mainly muddled-spiced creaminess over-top dry dirt mounds. Cinnamon-ginger-sorts. Green & black peppercorns dominate gruffly time-to-time--up&down-in&out. Lemongrass shares shaky-backing w/ earthiness, stiff suede, and driving cardboard.

Draws hesitantly-hollow. Smokes quite hot&fast. Notes eventually scorch. Ash dumps 1/2-inch at aerated-flaky time. Tunneling is a near-constant threat. Errant burn-line. Bravo? Hissing boo.

TASTE: B-
DRAW: B-
BURN: B-
BUILD: B

FINAL GRADE: B-
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

HELP SUPPORT KAPLOWITZ MEDIA.

::: very :::

Tuesday, April 20, 2021

In Which I Answer the Question "What Are Boutique Cigars?"

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In Which I Answer the Question "What Are Boutique Cigars?"

Believe it or not, I plan to think outside the box on this one. Not just for the usual feces & facial gestures but also-- even mainly--because I feel the only items in the box are arbitrary numbers & loose definitions. What they do is only further obscure a proper focus on ethos & aesthetics.

"Literary fiction, by its nature, allows itself to dawdle, to linger on stray beauties even at the risk of losing its way." - Terrence Rafferty.

Succinctly & via Wikipedia: "Literary fiction is a term used in the book-trade to distinguish novels that are regarded as having literary merit, from most commercial or "genre" fiction." 

Also from Wikipedia & regarding Genre Fiction: "also known as popular fiction, is a term used in the book-trade for fictional works written with the intent of fitting into a specific literary genre, in order to appeal to readers and fans already familiar with that genre."

Should I ham-fisted retard connect all the dots? Can't, busy. But if you've read this far thru & find yourself nodding knowingly: "The category of 'literary fiction' has sprung up recently to torment people like me who just set out to write books, and if anybody wanted to read them, terrific, the more the merrier." - John Updike

PLEASE SUPPORT KAPLOWITZ MEDIA.

::: very :::

Monday, April 19, 2021

El Bravo Cigars Habanos Serie Superior in Review

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El Bravo Cigars Habanos Serie Superior

WRAPPER: Ecuadorian
BINDER: Undisclosed
FILLER: Dominican

FORMAT: Toro
ORIGIN: Dominican & USA*
INTENSITY: Medium

WEBSITE: elbravocigars.com

NOTES:
Dark chocolate | Cafe Americano | Almond butter

A cigar that takes a bit to come online. A bit more from there to evolve into something of a thing. Silky-smooth dark chocolate is first w/ molasses attachment, coming out of a compost/soil intro. Then an Americano--watered-down espresso--flows in. But all that isn't until darn-near the 2/3. Thinly-syrupy. Retro-haling adds a fusty pepper-spice, the penultimate profile entry. Black pepper, chili powder. Ultimately, leather fills in the soil under that compost. 

Once all is/are aboard, it all holds but rather shakily. Feels like taking a posed photo but tapping video accidentally... moving/not moving. A ten-second capture. Back-end into finish is almond butter and a wood structure, a wet seasoned hickory type thing. Dried wood, aged, then left in the rain. Musty. Well-balanced and rounded but also lacking in complexity and nuance. The 1/3 floods back in the 3/3 mundanely-so via top-soil, then more of it. Then the whole profile is tilted that way. A bit drying and still damp. Delineation folds-some. Goops altogether.

Could be rolled better. Soft-spots & overall spongy packing. Draws nicely tho. Burns evenly after self-correcting in the 1/3. Grows ash well 'nuff. Smolders slowly, coolly. Nice out-put as far as smoke volume, but aroma is sniffed-at-thru smog. A good bit of paper lunch bag, palate-wise too (drying). Room-note: some spice, scant dark sweetness. Darkly-semi-sweet, a stuffy sort of spiciness, smoothly--gate-to-wire & simply-so. Serviceable as an everyday option but there's no shortage of those.

TASTE: B-
DRAW: B+
BURN: B
BUILD: B-

FINAL GRADE: B-
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

*The literature sent my way from the co. stated: "Each cigar is hand made by master artisans in the Dominican Republic and the USA." I attempted to clarify but have not heard back as of yet.

Other El Bravo reviews:

Friday, April 16, 2021

El Bravo Cigars Serie Popular Maduro in Review

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El Bravo Cigars 
Serie Popular Maduro

WRAPPER: Mexican
BINDER: Dominican
FILLER: Undisclosed

FORMAT: Toro (652)
ORIGIN: Dominican Republic & USA*
INTENSITY: Medium/Medium-full

WEBSITE: elbravocigars.com

NOTES:
Molasses | Mocha latte | Toasted rye

"Turtles all the way down." According to Wikipedia: The saying alludes to the mythological idea of a World Turtle that supports the flat earth on its back. It suggests that this turtle rests on the back of an even larger turtle, which itself is part of a column of increasingly large world turtles that continues indefinitely (hence, "turtles all the way down"). Now instead of turtles, Russian Black Bread.

Below is a list of Russian Black Bread ingredients courtesy of the King Arthur Flour website. The full recipe can be found at: https://bit.ly/3trDKSc I'm sure it's tasty.

1 1/8 cups (255g) water, lukewarm 
2 tablespoons (28g) apple cider vinegar 
1 cup (106g) medium rye flour, plus more for dusting 
1 1/4 teaspoons (8g) salt 
2 tablespoons (28g) unsalted butter 
2 tablespoons (43g) dark corn syrup or molasses 
1 tablespoon (14g) brown sugar, packed 
3 tablespoons (18g) black cocoa 
1 teaspoon espresso powder or instant coffee powder 
1/4 to 1 teaspoon fennel seeds, to taste 
1 3/4 teaspoons instant yeast 
2 1/2 cups (298g) King Arthur Unbleached Bread Flour, divided

It's all there, here in this smoke, amazingly-so. But also weakly-delineated. Wrapped loosely around a teensy yet dense af core of barnyard. Consistent not transitional. Nice enough balance. Not much complexity but decent nuance. Excellent heft lingers into a long finish of a simple extension.

Performance-wise I have nary a complaint. Even burn, smooth draw, Goodly ash-build. Packing does soften some ahead of char, un-egregiously. Seams hold, as does cap/shoulder assemblage. Quite a smoky-smoke out-put both active & passive--culminates in a Soviet bread-line manner but everyone is sitting in leather chairs. Wait... they're also in wood-paneled dens. This is nice, & quite the character. 

TASTE: B+
DRAW: A-
BURN: B+
BUILD: B

FINAL GRADE: B+
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

*The literature sent my way from the co. stated: "Each cigar is hand made by master artisans in the Dominican Republic and the USA." I attempted to clarify but have not heard back as of yet.

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Wednesday, April 14, 2021

Kinship Cigars Toro in Review

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Kinship Cigars Toro in Review

WRAPPER: Pennsylvania Broadleaf
BINDER: Dominican
FILLER: Dominican

FORMAT: Robusto
ORIGIN: Dominican Republic
INTENSITY: Mild-medium

NOTES:
Sweet citrus | Suede | White pepper

Sugary citrus rides high in a suede saddle, "Howdy, pardner." Table sugar. Lemon, a touch of unripe orange. Tick of a metallic lilt (badge?). Underneath are bright grains & sunlit dirt trails, simply. Balanced moderately. Complex, humbly. Quite a light palate, a tick coarse on the back-end. Prickly spurs of white peppercorn. Some macadamia nuttiness flows into the 2/3 only. Retrohale carries all that sharpness, doesn't add to the palate. 

Burns on an even line w/ slight always self-correcting wavinesses. Ash grows impressively dense & pale. A proverbial sheath. A ::: very ::: light aroma of weakly-kicky sweetness forms off moderate smoke out-put. Seams loosen just a hair against char, pack softens some there, too. Draws smoothly, evenly. In the 3/3, a saltiness hits tinniness and kinda directs the outro. I dunno about this here new sheriff, though he seems to mean well. 

TASTE: B
DRAW: B+
BURN: B+
BUILD: B

FINAL GRADE: B
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

Other Kinship reviews:

Tuesday, April 13, 2021

On the Ferio Tego & Davidoff Distribution Deal (& on Michael Herklots, Nat Sherman, & Even Camacho Cigars)

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On the Ferio Tego & Davidoff of Geneva USA Distribution Deal (& Some on Michael Herklots, Nat Sherman, & Even Camacho Cigars)

DAVIDOFF TO DISTRIBUTE FERIO TEGO rang today's (4/13) Halfwheel headline. Or did it peal like a bell? Peel like a grape? Whichever & whatever, cool cool cool. A teeny-bit of background: Michael Herklots (or "The Herk," as I lovingly refer to that handsome, handsome man) is, of course, no stranger to Davidoff. Prior to becoming a Nat Sherman exec, The Herk performed famously well within the Davidoff colossus.

When Nat Sherman went tits up to the sun last year, he and fellow NS fellow Brendon Scott popped on purchasing the company's old blends and names. Also: pipe tobacco & assorted doohickies. Thusly, Ferio Tego was born. Like a Phoenix from the ashes. Also, a new blend, the self-titled Ferio Tego, has been announced. That's the uber-abbreviated run-down. For more info look, well--everywhere. To say the least, this is an epic gamechanger of legendary proportions and an all-around super exciting time just to be alive.

On Kaplowitz Radio., I've long-touted The Herk as our small industry's next best face forward. An heir to the Rocky Patel mantle of mainstream liaison-ship. Succinctly, this is The Herk's world and we are simply lucky to be living in it. For the record and in all seriousness, he deserves to be just that, and I see him performing in that capacity perhaps historically well #PrayersUp. That whole Great Smoke seven-or-eight-hour virtual thing aside. NO REGERTS. This is not to say I relinquish my rights to fretfully play at Devil's Advocate. 

So here goes...

The elephant in the room at this point in time seems to be the silly little fact that those old Nat Sherman offerings weren't exactly tearing up the cigarscape. There, I said it. This begs the fugly question: is a Ferio Tego secondary band the new lipstick on an old pig? Or did these blends suffer from a thing that can be cured via The Herk and his salesmanship and/or FT marketing? Personally, I question much of the portfolio through minimal fault of its own--it simply doesn't line up with the druthers of today's American palate. 

An awful lot seems resting on the conceptual shoulders of the fledgling company's eponymous offering. What I mean by 'eponymous' is Ferio Tego's Ferio Tego. Also, condescending means 'talking down' to someone. Did you get that, friend? Good. But wait, there's motherfucking more. Remember Camacho? Yeah--me neither lololol. For the record, either would have been acceptable in that sentence, although neither is more precise according to a quick Googling. 

On first blush, & nitpickery aside, the mere hint of Davidoff lends street cred to the Ferio Tego moniker. That street, of course, is any square on the Monopoly board that puts you into hock if landed on. It is precisely the glossy-paged prestige and nurturing of connections that I personally have come to expect and admire from The Herk, and ipso facto Ferio Tego. I am uncertain ipso facto is used correctly there but you get the gist. Also, look for those old Nat Sherman blends to cost more real soon. 

@kaplowitzmedia

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Monday, April 12, 2021

Brun del Re Pig Year Gran Toro in Review

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Brun del Re Pig Year Gran Toro in Review

WRAPPER: Costa Rican
BINDER: Costa Rican
FILLER: Costa Rican, Dominican

FORMAT: Gran Toro (5x58) pig-tail cap
ORIGIN: Costa Rica
INTENSITY: Medium-full

NOTES:
Charred oak | Almonds | Molasses

Laser-beam-focused profile. Charred oak & almonds+shells circle each other tightly. Spin quickly. Molasses smooths in. A minty coolness plays well, separately & more quietly, with black peppercorn. Thru a retro-hale, spices can be seen... cumin, smoked paprika, thinly. Perhaps sharply, not egregiously. & that's your gate-to-wire. 

Unerring consistency. An unerring consistency maintained even as you (read on) get to a late addition. Burns on a wobble shy of mandated correction. Ash builds well. Seams are tight, cap/shoulder built legit. Nice draw. Big smoke out-put off puffing, slows quickly at rest. Culminates in a sweet leathery room-note. 

"Leather?" I think to me, "where is it on the palate?" Then I get it, as spinning slows coming into the 3/3. An earthen core sidles in, swaddled in it--well at home. A place was set for it, prior to its invite being sent. Neat.

TASTE: A-
DRAW: A-
BURN: B
BUILD: B+

FINAL GRADE: A-
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

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Friday, April 9, 2021

Brun del Re Cigars 1787 Rainforest Jaguar Long Robusto in Review

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Brun del Re Cigars 
1787 Rainforest Jaguar 

WRAPPER: Costa Rican
BINDER: Costa Rican
FILLER: Costa Rican

FORMAT: "Long Robusto" 5.5x50 unfinished foot.
ORIGIN: Costa Rica
INTENSITY: Medium-full

WEBSITE: brundelrecigars.com

NOTES:
Black walnut | Oak | Black licorice

It's all so ::: very ::: roasty-toasty. The levels of such sometimes threaten to overwhelm its complexities. Still, excellent play in nuttiness/woodsiness w/ an out-front black walnut. Slight-candied almond, hickory depths. Oak is smoky-charred and braces the profile well from w/in therein. A definite as heck black licorice comes on at long-lasting crisp finish. A good, clean moderate heft.

Underneath & behind is a lush herbal-laced earthiness. Pardon me for perhaps succumbing to marketing, but quite 'forest floor.' In the in-between of forward & back is a neat pepper-spice play of green peppercorn, mintiness. Mexican oregano. Interesting af. All this really shines as effervescence beats back toasty-roasty a tad, bringing better balance in 2/3. Nicely smooth and well-rounded. 

Tremendous smoke out-put yields a sweet toasty aroma, simply-so. Rushing-pouring clouds, actively & passively. Almost a bit much but never irritating to my sensitive, intelligent eyes. Ash builds clumpy & flakey. Burns a tick warmer than warmly. Even enough line. Pulls exceptionally smooth. No hard/soft spots, decent seams, well-appointed cap. A good 'nuff performance to allow dwelling on palate subtleties.

TASTE: B+
DRAW: A-
BURN: B
BUILD: B+

FINAL GRADE: B+
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

Other Brun del Re reviews:

kaplowitzmedia@mail.com

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Wednesday, April 7, 2021

Kinship Cigars Robusto in Review

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Kinship Cigars Robusto in Review

WRAPPER: Pennsylvania Broadleaf
BINDER: Dominican
FILLER: Dominican

FORMAT: Robusto
ORIGIN: Dominican Republic
INTENSITY: Medium

NOTES:
Milk chocolate | Honey Malt | Cedar

Slowly evolves into a rather in-depth display of earthen hiking trail. Sunlit, pleasantly-so, calmly. Inherent sweetness, then slighter spiciness in an herbaceous manner. A study in delivery--musty. fusty, dusty. Honey malt, malty. Milk chocolate, a later to the game nougat. Peanut butter. Spices of cardamom, chamomile. White peppercorn, kindly. Lesser than that, hinted, all. Toasted sweet braided bread. All so barely, & wrapped in approach. A sense of tapestry.

Delivery-forward. A focus on adjectives of adjectives. Braced muscularly via a wood which only begrudgingly shows itself as a simple cedar; a tree limb recently hacked from its trunk. Fresh. Rigid & dry at first, come the 2/3, begins a journey of moistening, creaming via suede & then dairy bits. Ever-evolving but never in a flavor-forward way. Texture, body. Interesting but at times a bit maddening insofar as coyly taunting the palate. Do you want me to paint you or not, French girl? 

Well-built but too carries some hefty veins along its shaft. Draw begins hesitant, then comes around, evenly-tensioned thru-out. Wide mascara line. Ugly complected marbled ash but thick, dense. A proverbial sheath. No hard/soft spots. Decent cap/shoulder arrangement. Seams are less than tight pre-light, do not loosen via progression. A beautiful landscape, seen thru early AM pea-soup fog. An air of mysteriousness is invoked, pleasantly. Elusive. Pleasantly elusive. 

TASTE: B+
DRAW: B+
BURN: B+
BUILD: B+

FINAL GRADE: B+
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

Audio: In Review: Kinship Cigars Robusto

kaplowitzmedia@mail.com

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Monday, April 5, 2021

Brun del Re Cigars Premium in Review

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Brun del Re Cigars Premium

WRAPPER: Ecuadorian Connecticut
BINDER: Indonesian
FILLER: Nicaraguan

FORMAT: Robusto
ORIGIN: Costa Rica
INTENSITY: Mild-Medium/Medium

WEBSITE: brundelrecigars.com

NOTES:
White pepper | Sweet cream | Suede

A dull sweet cream core, surrounded by less than smooth white peppercorn & rigid-dry suede. Quite suede. ::: very ::: suede. More nondescript sweetness, cloyingly. Imbalanced and somewhat jittery. A stab at blonde latte midway. Lacking. Creaminess overtakes all, bullies sweetness, tramples spice, suede, in the second half. I'd like to brush my tongue, please & thank you. Flamboyant. Robin Williams on-stage after an 8-Ball.

Clumpy bunching, falling ash. Uneven burn & wide mascara line. Sluggish, tentative draw. Nice smoke out-put, but yields an almost sickly-sweet aroma, heavily. Some pale spice is in the air and on the finish, vaguely. A diabetic might slip into a coma, here. Particularly in the final 1/3 when sugar flows in. Saltwater taffy? Pair with a sugary energy drink, drunk straight from the brightly colored can. Dude!!!

TASTE: B
DRAW: B-
BURN: C+
BUILD: B

FINAL GRADE: B-
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

@kaplowitzmedia

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Friday, April 2, 2021

Kaplowitz Radio Presents: 1st & 15th Cigar Podcast Series Index

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Kaplowitz Radio Presents: 1st & 15th Cigar Podcast Series Index

1st & 15th. Posts the first & fifteenth of each month. A look at cigar industry news thru the lens of social media & the www. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? w/ Comedy Cigars Music's Phil Kurut. It's rather comedic.

Make sure to subscribe wherever quality podcasts are ignored. Or catch the video version at CCM, or...

INDEX


For written transcripts of these shows pleaselearntowritereallyfast.
For a reverse chronological order index, please invert the above.
For more Kaplowitz Radio. offerings go HERE.

@kaplowitzmedia

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Brun del Re Cigars Gold Robusto in Review

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Brun del Re Cigars Gold Robusto 

WRAPPER: Ecuadorian
BINDER: Indonesian
FILLER: Nicaraguan, Costa Rican

FORMAT: Robusto
ORIGIN: Costa Rica
INTENSITY: Medium

WEBSITE: brundelrecigars.com

NOTES:
Black pepper | Milk chocolate | Honey malt

Cheesed up & kicky out of the gate w/ a tilted black pepper focus. Smooths-out by end of 1/3. Spice falls back, milk chocolate entrenches, strengthens, more-so than amplifies. Honey malt sweetens, sticks & stays on thru the finish but not cloyingly-so. Roasted grains. A dairy sort of heft to the palate. Better balance. Wildflower honey. Toasted oak bracings.

Not complex, per se, until it is & then it is. Then nicely-nuanced as well, in its bright-not-glaring depths. White pepper and cardamom flow in at the 2/3, in an evolution of spice. Slight white ginger, calmly. Quite transitional, and each time for improvement's sake. Dairy heft is added to with thick-soft suede. Pepper lingers to singe on the retro-hale, lowers to tastebuds in a floral sweetness.

Light hiccups occuring along the char-line are mainly self-correcting. Burn wobbles mildly-not-wildly. Ash grows well & pale. Muted aroma. Draws great w/ my preferred resistance, which is slight+. Seems hold to their pre-light not-quite tightness. Some lumps along the shaft impedes eye not hand. Cap & shoulder stay classy. Classy works too, in describing the experience, casually-so.

TASTE: A-
DRAW: A-
BURN: B
BUILD: B+

FINAL GRADE: A-
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

kaplowitzmedia@mail.com

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