Kaplowitz Media. SPECIAL REPORT: Recently Reviewed B - I - G Cigars RANKED
NOTE that these occasional GOLD | SILVER | BRONZE (GSB) listicles live independently of the big end of the year list & even monthly best-ofs. Please don't hold me accountable for this. Consider these the lore, not canon, of the Kaplowitz Media. Universe (#KMU)
Since spring has been sprung for a tenuous to solid moment now depending on your region, many an outdoor-only cigar smoker can spend more time comfortably puffing. This means bigger cigars. Bigger is better*! You might even say you cannot spell "better" without B-I-G... but you'd be outing yourself as an illiterate. Speaking of illiterates--I do not know how to reach them via these means but if you know one--please inform them that no video version of this written post will be available. I will, however, maybe read it on a future Kaplowitz Radio. Podcast ep.
Back to big cigars. They ain't small, see? But 'big' has quite recently changed and is continuing to do-so. Not long back--a decade maybe--the 50 ring gauge Robusto topped the charts, pushed the envelopes, and even tipped the scales. Now, we have 60s, 70s, and even 80s all being quite available and collectively sounding like an old person's radio station playing hits from each decade. #OKBoomer I digress. Here's a ranked list of my most recently reviewed large cigars. Girth? 58+ and you gotta be, say 5.5" to figure. Yes, that's what she said. Also, pinpoint measurements such as these do lend a certain science-y cred.
Speaking of science and things sort of like science, when dealing with cigars of these sizes, it's important to recall what Freud had to say about all this with his famous quip, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." Meaning, of course, it isn't a large throbbing phallus, you silly-billy. Interestingly enough, Siggy never spoke nor wrote that. It seems the earliest use of the "quote" is circa 1950 and the fucking weirdo good doctor was dead as a doornail by 1939. Sorry, I'll go ahead & get to that list now...
GOLD MEDAL
SILVER MEDAL
BRONZE MEDAL
PLEASE ALSO NOTE the rather low grades of these 'best' offerings of this size. Succinctly, *bigger isn't always better. However, it can readily and nigh usually be a tedious blandmuddledmelange of an affair.
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