Glass-top Desk Top: You want to impress clients both prospective and current. You might also wish to distract total attention from your framed University of Panama and DeVry diplomas and certificates. You are gregarious and love to generously share from your cache of counterfeit and probably dried-out Cubans. Stop talking so loud, we can all hear you just fine.
Cedar Desk Top: You know your stuff and don't wish to share your stuff. You present your hobby in a secretive and esoteric manner. You know the answers to the questions curious folk ask, but you wave them off as you hand them a cheap stogie from the moochador in the bottom drawer. As they chat about their account with your firm, your mind wanders to relative humidity levels and ambient temperatures.
Cigar Cabinet: With all those smokes (~4k?), you'd think you'd have plenty to share. You do, of course--but you don't, of course. You are free with your knowledge and a quick cigar question often becomes a multi-faceted discourse, complete with ardent opinions. You are as insider as an outsider can be and have visited multiple factories and are friends with many cigar makers. You go to every cigar event possible... even if it's just a rep... you really feel for those guys.
Coolerdor: You have a bit of a problem. You can't pass up a good deal or an auction. You'll never smoke all your smokes--in fact, you're taking them in at thrice the clip of putting them out. You also have several boxes of cigarbage both swag and merch. No one needs the amount of cutters and lighters you have. Your wife gets upset but your spending habit does inform her own collection of whatever. Try and tell her she can't have that new thingamajig as the UPS guy approaches your door with your latest haul.
Wineador: You really don't know much about wine or cigars. You do enjoy both but really, gadgets are your main thing. You have all kinds of meters connected to all kinds of apps. You have oddball cutters, avant-garde lighters, and experimental ashtrays. Your dad owned or ran a Radio Shack. You work in a field that you can't really fully and satisfyingly explain to anyone outside of that field. You have a bookshelf or bar that is either also a door or another piece of furniture entirely.
Tupperdor: You are harried and haggard. Your Bovedas are all hard and life is a series of 'that's okay for nows.' You hang out with EDGE OF TABLE and DISPOSABLE LIGHTER guy--but only when your schedule permits. You have no schedule beyond people texting you "Where you at?" Take time to slow down. Cut your hair, trim your beard, and get a real humidor. Just don't forget your blood pressure medicine. Sorry I took so much of your time. You're likely running late now.
Zip-lock (w/ Boveda): You're just getting the hang of all this craziness and you're off on a good foot. In a couple more months, get that plastic 50ct travel humidor you've been looking at. Might be all you'll ever need. Maybe eventually get two. In the meantime, keep reading up, and don't forget to give your own experiences the credit they deserve. You soon might want to start a social media account dedicated to your cigar journey. Don't. You'll look back with regret later.
Zip-lock (without Boveda): Is everything okay at home? Even TUPPERWARE guy finds you unsettling. I mean unless you plan on smoking those in a couple days, fix your rig. I bet you're also the fellow who has a bad experience and tags the manufacturer in your social media complaint post. You can't believe the thing fell apart. I can. The replacement you bamboozled will as well. Just lookit ya. Clean yerself up.
Ammo box: Your Don't Tread on Me flag is hung crooked. Made you look! You like strong cigars with strong names with a strong drink. You read a lot of military history. Well, you have the books but prefer the History Channel. You played football in high school and dated the head cheerleader. It's been slightly downhill since but that's the fault of all these damn geeks. You're addicted to Dr. Pepper. Go see why your dogs are barking.
Acrylic Humidor: Your favorite colors are shiny black and shiny red. You love Asian stuff and low-slung black lacquered coffee tables. You have stories about cocaine parties and many involve that table. You know all the lines to the Highlander series by heart. You actually own a Samurai sword that you picked up at that weird store in the mall next to Hot Topic. You shouldn't be shopping at either spot at your age. Will you please button up your shirt and wash some of the grease out of your hair?
::: very :::