Monday, November 6, 2023

What Your Cigar Ashtray Says About You

What Your Cigar Ashtray Says About You

Cigarstrology? Admittedly, probably not.

However, in a thing so passion-filled and intimate as cigar smoking, one cannot help but divulge the most personal of character traits while engaging in their most prized and special moments. Below are some things I have learned in regard to cigar ashtray preferences and their particular preferers.

1-Finger Trays: You're alone a lot and you prefer it that way; you've most likely spent many years cultivating it. You also have a small bed, small car, and small dwelling because ain't no one asking you to snuggle, give them a lift, or put them up till their wife calms down. No one would, but just in case.

2-Finger Trays: You are a hopeless romantic. Even when alone, you need a place to welcome someone into--whether they currently exist or not. Either that or you smoke with your life partner and also have joint social media accounts--which, of course, means one of you got caught cheating.

4-Finger Trays: Gregarious by nature, you live by that 'the more the merrier' creed. You also have at least one moochador and perhaps only smoke Cubans. You like to ask your friends and acquaintances if your Cubans are real. They almost assuredly are counterfeits--the cigars too. You cannot bear loneliness.

Pewter: You view weight as a sign of dependability and you might also still be mad at Metallica for cutting their hair. You might play Dungeons & Dragons, but can definitely speak to the topic and most likely have some figurines. You also like semi-precious stones and know which stones have which healing properties. Nice ponytail, man.

Ceramic: It's not the material that attracts you but the garish colors that adorn it. You keep buying your wife animal print lingerie. You have at least two pieces of gold-leaf-framed nude art. You love accent walls, red doors, and ornate furnishings. In fact, you fully appreciate Tony Montana's eye for furnishing a home.

Wood: You're a lumberjack, and you're OK. You maybe made your ashtray; either way, you love talking about it. You have a beard and adore plaid. You wish you had more opportunities to embrace the great outdoors. You smoke meat. You just want that log cabin in the middle of nowhere, as long as it has Wi-Fi.

Cigar Rest: You have a cleaning lady who comes in once a week. You prefer showing off your cigars to smoking them. You never take your bands off. You only smoke Xs. You also probably have several exes. You spend more cash on accouterments than smokes. You are drowning in debt.

Edge of Table: You do not frick around. You have a stomach ulcer. You're too busy to read crap like this so I won't dwell here. Chances are you are in a 12-step program.

Up/recycled: You are impoverished. But you have long since convinced yourself that you're crafty and that this is a choice. Either that or you are hooked on aesthetics and, really, that's pretty much the same damned thing. You use all sorts of empty food and coffee cans as receptacles. You owe all your friends money.

::: very ::: 

You might also be interested in reading what I wrote about cigar cutters along this same vein. You can find that HERE.