Hello, my name is Kaplowitz. This is Kaplowitz Media. I am currently on my yearly scheduled hiatus from creating content for Kaplowitz Media. I am the only contributor to Kaplowitz Media. Therefore, Kaplowitz Media. is on hiatus. It is quite on-brand for me to post a thing or two during said yearly scheduled hiatus. There, we're all caught up. Also, it's February 25th.
OK, it's the 24th. but tomorrow (today as you read this) is the 25th and that's the birthdate of Ric Flair, Carrot Top, and Pierre-Auguste Renoir. Also me. Being as I like a nice cigar once or twice every day, I always try to differentiate my Cake Day offerings from all others by smoking a little something extra-fancy. Something meaningful. Something special. Vive la difference. A thing I've not paid much thought to within this pursuit or any other context (until just recently) is the notion of unicorn cigars. Essentially, cigars that are rarely and nary to be found 'in the wild.'
But why unicorn? The pegasus is surely the showstopping fantasy equine, no? And in the wild? What's more wild than a liquor store on the rural-ish outskirts of town almost into wine country; one that also (supposedly) serves up pretty decent BBQ? For that is precisely where I not long ago found what could be labeled a unicorn. It was a bit tucked back and away, easy to pass by on the way to the hotdog roller. It was even easier to miss when bee-lining to the spiced rum. It was a cabinet humidor. "Thas dope," said I, cocking the brim of my hat to the side.
Narrower than some but maybe a bit taller than most. With a garbage can placed too-close in front of it to fully open its door. In it was the usual cast of bands. The Fuentes, Macanudos, I think there was a Romeo y Julieta--but also an oddly large amount of Balmoral cigars. Balmoral is a brand that's sadly been breasts-up for no small span of time. Any amount then is an odd amount somewhat. "How strange," I thought and then was confused further by a sign written in chalk on a sandwich board PRIME RIB FRIDAY. Who lives like that? I mean the place didn't smell, but definitely looked like it typically did.
Nevertheless, I left with the spiced rum (for baking purposes) but alas, sans unicorn(s). The thing is, I didn't consider the cigars at that time to be unicorns. Just a defunct brand. A head-scratcher to see. A brand kiboshed in the US market by its overlings at Scandinavian Tobacco Group back in 2020 on account of low sales and FDA blah blah blah. That was weeks ago, my brush with rarity. This is now. February 24th, to be redundant (as I write). I have plans this evening of going back and snatching some up. How do I know they'll be there? C'mon, man. They're safer there than in my own humi, broski.
& I shall have my unicorn birthday smoke. There ain't nothing much cooler than a middle-aged cool kid because middle-aged cool kids are lit 100%. Honestly, I was curious about this brand back in the day and never did get a chance to try 'em. But as to my parenthetical subtitle of what is a unicorn... I told (briefly) the tale at hand but there are, of course, other ways unicorns happen. For instance, when two unicorns meet and fall in love, they--well it involves horns, see. Another way is the way of the Unicorn. Notice the capital 'U" as in the Chubby Unicorn of Muestra de Saka fame. Steve Saka made a Unicorn and then made a Chubby Unicorn version of that manufactured unicorn.
Long story short, there can be purposefully-made unicorns of often pricey ::: very ::: limited production (Limited Edition) runs. Rare leaf. Odd fermentations. Quirky vitolas. Sometimes event or house cigars go on to reach this status, as well. Mainly, age plays a role because, in all but the manufactured scenario, they need to be 'gone' long enough that they're thought dwindled then near extinct. I suppose a 'Dodo cigar' just doesn't sound nice. The other half of the equation is why the ado in regards to these dodos? Why is a scarce cigar so worthy of chasing by some? First, they have to smoke well. A story helps.
Also, I didn't chase the thing but you get the gist. Some folk do. And I am going back out to make a special trip. Most likely it's the collector that resides in all of us, to some varying extent. Also, there's a certain "look what I got!" satisfaction that is amplified with the aid of social media. It's just I'm not much of a collector. Please don't look at my tote box of cigar bands or my shelves upon shelves of Sherlock Holmes books. But collecting memories is a thing I appreciate, indeed and above all else. I'll have my 60-90 minute Balmoral Connecticut Anejo XO smoke while wrapping my head around turning 39.
A memory I'll look back on next year when again I turn 39. In any event, no one really knows because there's just no telling, which cigars will go on to be unicorns for a spell, and which will just not go on at all. I don't even know if this one I now hold in my hand qualifies as such. (I left and came back.) I do know I'll be back on March 1, posting regularly and in much the same fashion as I was before my hiatus. The main difference being I'll be fresh as a daisy and 39 all-over-again. Again. Again, again, etc.
Please note I reviewed the Muestra de Saka Chubby Unicorn and will, in turn, review the Balmoral. Search 'em up (right of your screen, near the top).
::: very :::