"Schmatta: A rag (from Yiddish שמאַטע shmate, from Polish szmata) (OED); also means junk or low-quality merchandise: "Don't buy from Silverman; all he sells is schmatta."" This coming via Wikipedia.
"Is this for showin', or blowin'?" My grandfather would re-enact before me some old Jewface vaudevillian skit from his youth. The star would ask the question whilst waving a white hanky. It looked none too clean. It looked utilitarian. It looked like a dandy hobo's something. I could see it from two generations away. I became a fan of the handkerchief. More aptly said, a fan of the schmatta.
Let us make an all important distinction, gents. The one for "showin'," is in fact called a pocket square and is smaller and made of a finer material. We are not discussing pocket squares in this post. We are discussing the "blowin'" part of the equation -- as indicated by this post title -- the schmatta.
SCHMATTA SELECTION & CARE:
Let us make an all important distinction, gents. The one for "showin'," is in fact called a pocket square and is smaller and made of a finer material. We are not discussing pocket squares in this post. We are discussing the "blowin'" part of the equation -- as indicated by this post title -- the schmatta.
SCHMATTA SELECTION & CARE:
A newly cleaned one, daily, should be folded and placed in your blue jeans back pocket, or sweatpants side-one. Mine are white, blank bandanas. Bandanas: do not mistake bandanas for lettuce say handkerchiefs unless you are currently gainfully employed as a rodeo clown. You can get a whole bunch of them white 'uns, and for cheap. Look at craft shops/sections. Those babies got "blowin'" written all over them. Good size, good toughness, and you can bleach the snot outta them -- both literally and figuratively. Speaking of snot, their larger size is perfect for finding an unused spot to use.
USING YER SCHMATTA
When seated at a table and the need arises for you to grab yer schmatta/hanky -- use it only to cover your nose until you can get to a more suitable place, ideally a bathroom, where you can engage in vigorously honking self-care. When in mixed company, and a sneeze or the need for a brow-wipe rears its head -- turn from the people you are addressing. Retreat to a bathroom, or failing that, step away and turn your stupid filthy back. You unmitigated savage, you. You disgust me.
The sharing of your hanky should occur only with a lady. Or yer kid. Unless you are in San Francisco and familiar with color code etiquette; a different lifestyle post and blog entirely. Once you give a lady your hanky, it is no longer your hanky. You are gifting this lady your handkerchief. This is not said to dissuade you, this is said because it is proper etiquette. The kid don't get to keep the thing.
When offering a crying or hay-fever-struck woman your schmatta -- in this day and age of lesser handkerchief IQ, I would say something highlighting its cleanliness. Don't forget, chicks dig manners. I guess.
Also don't forget to NEVER approach a crying woman.
THE NITTY GRITTY:
It's a rag, yer schmatta -- use it thusly. But once thusly used-so, don't offer it to the crying woman whom you SHOULD NEVER APPROACH, anyways. Just to-day, I've wiped a pre-sat park bench and fast food seat. Also, I skillfully whisked cigar ash from my keyboard. So useful. I need to run a load a' laundry.
DO NOT APPROACH THE CRYING WOMAN.
I do not care if you know her or not.
IN ADDITION:
Check out Kaplowitz: Gentlepersons Weekly Vol. 9, and sign-up to receive more.Listen to: "Casual Encounters" Kaplowitz Radio: August 20, 2017.
Gear up for a heckuva September: keep checking Shemptember News & Events.
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ANOTHER WAY:
Is to simply share posts ya like with yer social media friends. Posts ya don't like? Share those with yer social media enemies. Also, don't forget to tell folks about me when you haul your fleshy tuchus away from the computer and out in-to the "real" world. Be gentlepersons wherest-ever ya may roam. & thank-you!
Leave. Her. Alone.