Evil Genius White Chapel - Cigar Review

PROLOGUE

I'm fresh off the phone as I type this in my Carport/HQ, with Mr. Kevin Sirman, Cigar Rights of America Ambassador and host of the upcoming Cars Bars & Cigars: America's Herf Party. If yer in that area, gentlepersons, or have a bit of the ol' wanderlust, make sure to ink the date into yer calendar. If you happen to be a brand, feel free to hit him up.

And now -

THE CIGAR

Evil Genius Cigars
White Chapel
3 1/2 x 42 Petite Robusto
Habano wrapper
Ecuador Sumatra binder
Dominican Republic & Lancaster, PA fillers

Sample courtesy of Alex Hirsch, brand owner

PRE-LIGHT

Minimalist white label glossy with bright gold border and insignia. Nice quality. Nuff. Stick underneath is a milk chocolate thing with a lively red/yellow undertone. Complexion up-top is not entirely even but too not egregiously so. Lots of non-threatening vein action, except for on in the 2&3/3 that has a thick spine, although it is running smoothly up the barrel, direction wise. Seams are tight, mainly even, and a tad rough-hewn in appearance. Cap has a couple of lifts in it. Foot tobacco looks mainly monochromatic with slight variances on dark auburn and is packed to a medium+ density. There is a pin-hole in the top-leaf in the 1/3.

Hand-feel is a sinewy and tough lil buger. Charmin test squeeze reveals there is a slight soft-spot at the onset of 3/3 but as a whole, I'm fidgeting about a good medium+ packed density stick in my mitt. Kinda feels neat in the hand; I love the smaller formats. Nice weight, nice balance. Schnoz test is a very pungent peanut from the shaft. Some sharp leather is there, too. As is a trace of finely ground white pepper. Quite a tobacco zetz, too. Lotsa tobacco zetz at the foot. More peanuts, leather notes. Some wood.

Nibbling off the cap I get, on a nice smooth medium draw, some thin notes of peanuts, white pepper, a sweet dry earth, and crisp leather. Cold draw notes thicken on a couple of more pulls; but stay almost airy as a cold finish.

LIGHT

11am
Is sharp, an aroma note? That's what I get on the foot toasting. First hot pull is a sharp clean spice note that so high up, I can't reach it. It singes my throat a tad. As it descends, I get peanut butter on white toast -- but not from it. Mouth-feel is creamy with a thin tingle. Secondary notes are a very nice earthy leather. I want to say jalapeno juice, but it's not a flavor, it's a vibe and mouth-feel -- very sharp, hot, high. This thing packs a wallop. Second hot pull is peanut butter on the immediate draw and then comes the liquid hot spice to wash it away. Wait...wait...wait... earthy leather. Leathery earth. A breadiness that wavers from dough to toast. White pepper. Long legs on the finish which is mainly clean dirt and tobacco, longer mouth-feel. CLEAN. Like I cleaned under my nails with a stick of dynamite. Notice I did not retro-hale the second hot pull as I normally do. Yeah. Notice that. Third hot pull is unchanged.

Ash is pepper/salt or maybe 50/50. Burn-line is a ribbon off an outdoor match-light. Medium thick and thinning. Strength is already felt. My hair is pulsating under my cabbie hat. Remaining profile is a medium for now. Smoke out-put is average to a bit thin. Blue/grey hue'd. Packing holds well. Draw is a consistent medium.

ACT I

There's a new cedar in the middle. It joins white pepper and leather -- in that order. Primary note of the tobacco version of a Mariah Carey screech lands on the mouth and is finding more Jiff there. Some hard wood traces are underneath. A sweet hay note. The primary is so high, it's hard to look so far down. I feel like I'm watching a bird and tripping on cracks in the sidewalk.

Burn is a bit off, we shall check its self-correcting tendencies. Smoke out-put has thickened, then increased. Strength ticks up to an easy full. Profile lags back at a medium still, but fleshing out. Sweetness is gaining. As is a new cinnamon which is on-board from draw through finish -- a very clear and nice cinnamon, sans red spice accompaniment. Ash is a bit flaky.

That high note has come down a tick, as has the backing solidified in wood chips and hay strewn earth. Very clean dirt. In-between is that cinnamon, peanut butter, and an ebb and flow of spiced cedar -- PB is schmeared on white toast now. I'm getting used to the strength, which is full, but not a ball and chain. I unfold a new schmatta for the occasion.

That high-note was/is interesting, it was a lot of the middle notes, stretching on the back of a liquid heat which is, again, subduing. I retouch the light and it willingly accepts my correction. Ash is same complexion as prior, and while flaky and forming in wide ladder rungs, too seems quite dense and solid. Medium+ profile now. Packaging loosens all down the shaft, more so about 3/4" from char. Very thick smoke now. White. I roll off about an inch of course powder and oily ash with nice density. There's a bit of warmth to its feel. Hand-feel of the stick has oiled and feels quite nice. Lively.

Burn continues on a ribbon, but stays mainly even. Room-note is a good bit of course ground harsh white pepper and earthy tobacco. Flavors sharpen and strength is to a full+ as I run, don't walk toward the bag of sugar on my kitchen counter. I'm starting to fee challenged, and my subjective philosophy is that a smoke should not challenge. This White Chapel has an altogether different philosophical bent. Its foot-smoke is now rather acidic. I gather my aplomb.

As I gathered said aplomb, I allowed the stick to sit in my Walmart ashtray ($0.99) for a good couple minutes, smoke poured the entire time. Nice construction, that. Very thin flavors now, watered on the back of that returning high-note. Sweeter, as well. There's a new hint of floral notes as the curtain falls on the opening act.

Note that due to its size, this is a two act play.

Softening of the pack has ceased and all else is unchanged.

ACT II

This White Chapel attacks with nic bombs from the air, not with clubs on the ground. It feels quite tactical, really. There was a throat catch earlier, which is now smooth. Actually, it's indeed a smooth sweet smoker, this Evil Genius offering -- but to say that, one must stress it's a secondary characteristic to very high thin notes and a nicotine drubbing.

Peanut butter now ends dried in a seasoned wooden bowl. Good luck cleaning the dishes, there. White pepper ramps up, and stays thee, but nicens to a thinner grinding and toasts a tad. Bread and toast leave. Cinnamon drops a notch. Strength is FULL+ Profile backs down to medium on some leaving notes and a lessening of creaminess. Tingly mouth-feel doth tingle all the moreth. Far underneath, but still quite high, is a green note. Then earthinesses.

Burn is born to be wild, but self-corrects quickly like a bad boy with a heavy conscious. Throat catch returns in a big way. The white pepper seems unsettled. As does the seasoned wood lend to this. Liquid heat pours out all over the dang place, gentlepersons. I ain't cleaning that up. But if I were, I'd wear protective clothing. It now is a chemical vibe. Remaining flavors are unaffected by this -- so there's that. Floral note is very nice. A honeysuckle.

Draw remains even, but there's a wavering in the amount of smoke-to-smoke-hole. There's a wispy pull here and there. Packing actually firms a tick. Seems to almost want to go out on occasion. I'd love to go out -- I never go anywhere. I'm too pretty to be home all the time.

A nicer and warmer cinnamon re-emerges now. It does neat stuffs with the honeysuckle. We're a tick smoother again as far as white peppers, have been for a bit. As the band approaches, the White Chapel is getting more gentlemanly.

Construction has held since its latest improvement and the smoke-hole filling has leveled. All of a sudden, as the band is at hand, the ash darkens and the liquid high hot one solidifies into jalapeno, and a buncha the stuff. Clears out the ol' sinuses and then some, settles under my tongue in a menacing fashion, and into my throat. Oy vey. What a ride.

NOTES

Very, very bold -- but not without nuance or at least some tender notes. There is a definite lack of balance in the profile, but I'm thinking that was not reached in error. If you're looking to get a buzz, but don't want to be dragged through the murk and mire and muck -- this one is for you. 

Tell the birdies I said shalom.

PAIRINGS

Cola. Espresso, perhaps a latte. Cappuccino. Fire extinguisher. Parachute.

FINAL GRADE

****B****

LESS SCHTICK MORE STICK

Smooth/Coarse? Smooth, but not always easy
Sweet/Spicy? Spicy
Mouth-feel? Sharply clean
Strength? 10 on my meaningless scale of 10
Draw? Even with at time uneven results
Burn? Some issues, mainly self-correcting
Construction? Good
Primary Note(?)? *spoiler alert* (although I saw it coming) Jalapeno. Peanut butter

EPILOGUE

Just shy of high noon

This cigar puts the "high" in "high noon." Also noon rhymes with swoon. And as an aside, purple is a very word. have a great day, gentlepersons. Thanks for reading. Before ya go, which one of you wants to help me back into my chair?