Giancarlo Stanton, he of the Miami Marlins and super-bright retinae-searing toothy grin and Houston Astros spark-plug Jose Altuve (hey, have you heard he's on the short-side???) were tapped for the National and American League most Valuable Player awards, respectively. So spoketh the Baseball Writers' Association of America. As through-out the Big Four year-end trophy dole-outs, the production value of the MLB Network presentation was similar to that episode of Home Improvement where Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor let his oddest and youngest boy mock-up a video for Tool Time. The high-light of which was Jose Ramirez appearing live via satellite in what seemed to be hostage footage. Never have I doubted more the words of an interpreter; aside from every sign language translator ever.
Whilst Ramirez had the same crack at winning to-day as did yester-day's Cy Young Damn Yankees representative Luis Severino, Aaron "Dave Kingman" Judge was there to make things at least tighter than the space twixt his two front teefs. For this, it was opted not to lead with his post All-Star break slump and 200+ strike-outs. I adore stuff being stufft down my throat, don't you? Really though, it was rightly J.Altuve by a country-mile and deservedly-so. In the match-race of this ceremony, there was but only one pony whom put forth splendidly from the campaign's start to finish, and as mentioned nay it weren't A.Judge. Altuve, too a goodly-gloved second-baseman, racked up quite the MVP resume with a 346 batting average, 204 base-knocks, 81 ribbies and a tie for career-high 24 homers. He also led the league in the hustle-quotient of infield hits. He also-also set the league mark with his tally of three-hit games. He was second in runs with 112, third in stolen-bases with 32. He was nigh tops in many an other category, but I don't get paid by the word. So that's a succinct wrap on yer AL MVP. I might add that I still ain't used to the 'Stros being an AL squad, gentlepersons.
Onto the Senior Circuit, it was as mentioned, a big night for the also (if not equally) deservant Giancarlo Stanton. Now, on the strength of finally having a non-injury-plagued season, lettuce follow his chase for a long-term big-moolah contract. Speaking of chases, G.Stanton spent much of the '17 campaign chasing the home-run record of his choosing -- the 61 of Roger Maris. If only he'd called into target Babe Ruth's circa 1920 standard of 54, then doing away with all else. His 59 woulda been the best ever, in that case! Accompanying the prodigious HR total were 132 RBI and a batting-average of .281. The Marlins' right fielder too put in a top-five showing in runs and total bases. He also walked 85 times and legged-out 32 doubles. Ultimately, Stanton set personal-bests nigh across the offensive board. The Marlins finished their campaign with a losing record of 77-85, so one (me) must bend one's (mine) thoughts on what an MVP doth mean and do -- but in years as big as this was for Stanton -- that's practically doable. I'd come out and say Charlie Blackmon shoulda won, and Stanton was the best only of the three finalists from wherest C.Blackmon was somehow omitted... but Colorado as a whole seems to think well 'nuff of itself sans my help.
Of note is each honoree was a first-time honoree and that the National League's vote saw a record hair's breath separation twixt Stanton and the best hitter now hitting on G-d's green but really mostly blue earth: Joey Votto. Now if ya excuse me, there's a salty snack bowl waiting for me to turn it in into crumbs on the front of my sweatshirt.
"The Burrito Trap"