Lo, there is an announcement at the end of this post.
IN ADDITION:
(to what, I do not know)
I like pencils. Not mechanical pencils. The ones ya need to sharpen. The yellow ones ya need to sharpen. The yellow ones ya need to sharpen, that have pink erasers with a bit of green on their silver metal band. I'm particular. I'm a neurotic mess.
In the up-cycled chili can I employ as a pencil holder, there is also a Sharpie marker or two and the most curious and confounding writing implement know to gentleperson-kind -- a blue and white Bic pen with four different-colored inks in it.
Which color to use when? Don't worry, through research, I have it all sorted: A modern and somewhat superficial take on this matter seemingly endorsed by Bic dictates:
Red = Important and urgent.
Blue = Important and semi-urgent.
Black = Important and not urgent.
Green = Not important or urgent.
This seems to speak only to to-do lists and the jotting down and organizing of notes/messages. A deeper and more correspondence driven understanding does too exist (outside of Bic canon), so let's try it on for size:
Red = Correcting errors. Used in bookkeeping, as well.
Blue = Social correspondences.
Black = Business correspondences.
Green = Stock-taking.
As in all other matters, there are caveats here.
Further down that rabbit-hole:
Some office work requires the use of blue ink so as to easier distinguish originals from copies. In keeping with this, a Notary Public will most likely hand you a blue pen.
Further into the aforementioned realm of bookkeeping:
Red = Debits.
Black (Less often blue) = Credits.
Green = Recordings that offer no change in value.
Green serves in tutoring circles for a secondary correction beyond red. The interesting niche life of green plays a hand in political and government offices, as well. Letters written in by citizens are replied to if notated with green ink.
In the end, perhaps it is succinctly enough put by John Morgan in his Modern Manners:
"Black remains the most correct and distinguished choice. Blue is very much in second place and is thought more suitable for women than for men. Blue-black is only appropriate for schoolboys. Coloured inks, although more acceptable than before, are still considered very suspect in traditional circles."
Except for the fact I personally disagree.
If you take all evidence in mind, blue seems the best, if not safest bet -- if you ever find yourself frozen again. Its lone drawback being the risk of appearing overly familiar in a formal correspondence. However, I feel that if that great of a transgression would be at stake, black would be an obvious choice and not requiring of a weighing of options.
Plus, stylistically speaking, blue pops well as compared to oft characterless black -- yet remains near universally acceptable. If you write in red ink as par for the course, you probably also write in all caps. And have no friends. This is all too much, I've decided to exclude the four-ink Bic from my up-cycled chili can I employ as a pencil holder.
(Frequently Unasked Questions)
Great question, and one I am not told is in follow-up to another Frequently Unasked Question (FUQ) "CAN I WEAR MY SWEATPANTS TO THE CIGAR LOUNGE?" The short answer is of course ya can. Though too, there is no shortage of caveats by which to abide. I Shall list 'em. For the lounge and for the world out-side it:
- Straight-legg'd blue jeans only.
- Dark (blue) rinse, non-distressed.
- Set 'em loosely up-on thy hips.
- No designer stuffs of triple-figured MSRPs.
- No embellishments nor bedazzlementations.
Sweet baby Moses in a hand-basket sent on-down the River Nile, just get a pair or three of 501s or 505s in a dark blue rinse. Must everything be so complicated???
- Cuffs are cool, but not mandated*.
- Wear and tear must met joyously & occur organically.
- Always wear a black leather belt.
- Never wear a chain'd wallet.
- Patches are for 1930s ten year-olds.
One must surprisingly be more careful in wearing jeans than sweatpants. It is a matter of authenticity, gentlepersons. Unless yer a cattle Wrangler (pardon the punintentional 'branding') -- you might easily look the costuming poseur. Or like Obama... remember them Dad Jeans a' his? Worse than the bicycle snap-shots. I don't know how his hubby puts up with him.
I digress. So precious few of us are farm-hands or cattle-pokes. All of us schvitz. See how sweatpants are more authentic, then? Be ever-so vigilant out there.
*Did ya know that Greasers used to ash their hand-rolled smokes in their cuffs? Brilliantly charming.
I prefer black slacks myself.
I also only wear grey sweatpants.
(frequently unasked questions)
Whatever happened to hand kissing?
Firstly I ain't no lady, so yer barking up the somewhat wrong tree here.
That is to say that the sad decline of hand kissing is due more to the optioning of the fairer sex, since it is up to the lady to instigate the gentlemanly response of a kiss to the back of her hand.
According to Sam Hane, noted decorum expert and freehand banjo player available for weddings and funerals, there is a grand total of two (2) socially acceptable times to kiss a lady's hand:
If you already know the lady, and she offers her hand to be kissed, or
If you are being introduced to her, and she offers her hand to be kissed.
Note: "and she offers her hand to be kissed."
Let's not surrender this gentlemanly gesture as lost to the ages, however. There exists such a thing, of which my dad was amazingly apt at, as offering a cue by extending your own hand toward hers. It acts like a handshake but you cradle the feminine hand with its palm down. You can from there either continue on, or leave it as a simple handshake -- the decision is yours, based on her retaliatory cue.
I will say that the ladies ate my dad, and his hand kissing, up. I will also say that you need testicles the relative size of watermelons to pull this off correctly.
How-to Pull it Off Correctly
1. Wait a couple of beats for the lady to present her hand. If you aren't in a Margaret Mitchell novel, you will have to cue her as previously discussed. If she does cue for a hand kiss, make certain that the cue is certain...an overt and obvious back-of-her-hand-to-ceiling gesturing plus noticeable expectation on her part.
2. To cue her as to your hand kissing agenda, again, as discussed prior, rotate your hand-shaking so that you present your hand palm up, thus creating a cradle for her own. Offer up now a, "My pleasure." STOP here, if not cued further.
[If cued further]
3. Hold her hand gently, of course, in yours. Place two to three of your fingers around the bottom tips of her fingers, and your thumb around the outside tips of her middle and ring fingers.
4. Bow gently, or give the hint of a bow, over the center portion of the back of her hand. Lift her hand slightly toward your lips to shorten the distance between you. OMFG I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE ACTUALLY DOING THIS.
5. Kiss the center of the hand once gently with your lips. According to Sam Hane, once again, do not make contact with the hand if this is your first time meeting said lady. That would be remarkably scandalous, you wanton swine.
Dad made contact.
Tips & Warnings
Make sure your lips are well dry before kissing the lady's hand.
Be confident and loose when performing this ritual.
This is best when done in such a way as to be informally mocking the formal, by employing its own methods. Dig?
Go get 'em, tiger.
& try and duck that round-house right response.
Firstly I ain't no lady, so yer barking up the somewhat wrong tree here.
That is to say that the sad decline of hand kissing is due more to the optioning of the fairer sex, since it is up to the lady to instigate the gentlemanly response of a kiss to the back of her hand.
According to Sam Hane, noted decorum expert and freehand banjo player available for weddings and funerals, there is a grand total of two (2) socially acceptable times to kiss a lady's hand:
If you already know the lady, and she offers her hand to be kissed, or
If you are being introduced to her, and she offers her hand to be kissed.
Note: "and she offers her hand to be kissed."
Let's not surrender this gentlemanly gesture as lost to the ages, however. There exists such a thing, of which my dad was amazingly apt at, as offering a cue by extending your own hand toward hers. It acts like a handshake but you cradle the feminine hand with its palm down. You can from there either continue on, or leave it as a simple handshake -- the decision is yours, based on her retaliatory cue.
I will say that the ladies ate my dad, and his hand kissing, up. I will also say that you need testicles the relative size of watermelons to pull this off correctly.
How-to Pull it Off Correctly
1. Wait a couple of beats for the lady to present her hand. If you aren't in a Margaret Mitchell novel, you will have to cue her as previously discussed. If she does cue for a hand kiss, make certain that the cue is certain...an overt and obvious back-of-her-hand-to-ceiling gesturing plus noticeable expectation on her part.
2. To cue her as to your hand kissing agenda, again, as discussed prior, rotate your hand-shaking so that you present your hand palm up, thus creating a cradle for her own. Offer up now a, "My pleasure." STOP here, if not cued further.
[If cued further]
3. Hold her hand gently, of course, in yours. Place two to three of your fingers around the bottom tips of her fingers, and your thumb around the outside tips of her middle and ring fingers.
4. Bow gently, or give the hint of a bow, over the center portion of the back of her hand. Lift her hand slightly toward your lips to shorten the distance between you. OMFG I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE ACTUALLY DOING THIS.
5. Kiss the center of the hand once gently with your lips. According to Sam Hane, once again, do not make contact with the hand if this is your first time meeting said lady. That would be remarkably scandalous, you wanton swine.
Dad made contact.
Tips & Warnings
Make sure your lips are well dry before kissing the lady's hand.
Be confident and loose when performing this ritual.
This is best when done in such a way as to be informally mocking the formal, by employing its own methods. Dig?
Go get 'em, tiger.
& try and duck that round-house right response.
The KAPLOWITZ RADIO hiatus' end doth loom nigh...
This not cigar related and quite oddly random posting is perchance of prophetic significance.