Those whom listen to my Kibbitz are oft to hear firetruck sirens wailing in the distance. Truth is, it ain't that distant. I live four houses away from the firehouse. Rent is cheap here. Outside the front of my house -- some twenty feet from my porch which in alongside my kitchen window, exists a hydrant. This hydrant is some sorta main one or some such thing, as firemen use it often to apparently fill up.
It was on one of those fill-up runs when first I inadvertently flirted with said volunteer fireman. I was doing dishes and whilst standing over the sink, gazing out the window, our eyes doth met. Oddly locked, really. I was soapin' up a wooden spoon and holding it vertically in front of me. The sponge slipped and suds... um... ejaculated off the top-side of said wooden spoon. You'd think that pornographic analogy woulda broke off eye contact. Ya'd think, sure.
Then, and quite recently, it happened again. The same volunteer fireman. What are the odds? I measure my food. I actually, on account of a weak gut and prior obesity, measure my food portions to be more precise. I have a food-scale, a set of measuring cups, and a set of measuring spoons. I like peanut butter. Again more precisely, gentlepersons, I like two tablespoons of peanut butter. Even more more precisely, I like two tablespoons of peanut butter on white bread with two tablespoons of Cheez Whiz. That don't impact this story, tho. What does, humsoever, is I like to get all the peanut butter outta that measuring spoon. I use my tongue. Have I set the stage? I'm licking the thing out, gazing out my kitchen window, and yes -- our eyes locked again.
The first occurrence can be seen as the onset of a Harlequin Romance. Now onto a second instance, it becomes more of an opening to a Penthouse Letter, I fear. "Dear Penthouse, I am straight and married but too like peanut butter..."
Thanks for reading that long intro into this second installment of Kaplowitz Q&A. I felt I owed ya after shorting you on the inaugural & prior installment. Now lettuce get to this.
"How often do I pull on a cigar?"
Interesting question, actually. Let's remove from this answer all puffs occurring whilst lighting. This here seems a separate thing. The answer is short, but the implications of disobedience are somewhat lengthier, or at least yucky. That stated: take a pull every 30-60 seconds. Smaller vitolas, narrower ring gauges, heat up quicker... so err toward a minute therein. If yer pulling as often as 30 seconds, you better be smoking big. As to how to draw, although I was not asked, I shall answer. Personally I tend to employ the tact of taking two short puffs, then a roughly three second pull on each go. Hold the smoke in yer smoke-hole. Let some get out on a retro-hale. Linger with it, gentlepersons. Also, please take your pacing less seriously than smoking in view of a stop-watch.
I mentioned implications of smoking a cigar too fast, or over-smoking. You'll be looking at bittering up the offering by making it burn too hot. Flavors will mottle warmly and mayhaps even hotly. Construction and combustion woes may develop as per your user erroring. This is no small chink in the armor of yer enjoyment. Just relax; we are not about chugging down a nicotine fix. We are about stopping time and spending that stopped time away from our wives and other loved ones.
What to do betwixt puffs? Note the cigar's finish. Pay attention to the room-note. Sniff the cigar's shaft. Concentrate on mouth-feel. Experience the thing. Should it go out, simply purge and re-light in the same manner as first lighting. Although well crafted premium offerings should not go out on their lonesome in sixty seconds. Relax, gentlepersons.
"Does Eubanks stand a chance against GGG?"
I have said before that if I were creating a fighter to tackle Mr. Gennady Golovkin, said pugilist would look an awful lot like Mr. Chris Eubanks. Fantastic athleticism, good strength and power. In particular, great lateral speed with which to step outside of the GGG shift. On paper, then, Eubanks has the goods here. Humsoever -- no one uses paper anymore. Not good people anyway. Plus, even if we are talking paper, fisticuffs are not fought thereon -- they are fought on YouTube shortly after ending; PPVs anyways.
My problem is I think that Eubanks is the only one who thinks Eubanks can win. I think we are set, gentlepersons, to see something far more spectacular than that. We will see GGG tested mildly. Eubanks will show us the effectiveness of Golovin's ring generalship. We will gasp collectively as the ring is cut-off. While the shift is high-lighted in real-time, fast-time. THIS, in short, will be the best GGG clinic yet. Because he will be tested -- or at least be in with a man whom should be able to do so. It's set to be fun. Unless yer hand-towels are monogrammed "CE."
There are auras in boxing. Two main ones namely and both equally as showy: firstly, the showman. Trash talker, brash, sing-song spectacle-ism. Apollo Creed (for I care not to accidentally compare Golovkin to non-fictioners herein). The other is brooding and gritty. Dirty and dark -- yet somehow just as dang showy. Rocky Balboa. Note they both equally costume. I didn't say Mike Tyson -- but you probably did.
Gennady Golovkin is harder to spot. His aura isn't so archetypal. Or is it archetypal at a metaphysical root? I've lost my train of thought here, and quite obviously so. Suffice to say: GGG is from the species Authentica Pugilistus. Which is far less showy and therefore harder to spot and to script. Oh, and he beats Eubanks via stoppage in say the seventh. Eubanks starts off moving laterally and then diagonally, and then backwards. He don't run, but he does extend. Unless he don't -- then it lasts five and ends via knock-out.
Saul "Canelo" Alvarez really wants to back out of their Fall 2017 verbally contracted showdown, after this more than ever. The only way he don't, gentlepersons, is if he still owes All-Star Promotions $8.5M on a failed appeal.
"What's the difference between a bitter and sour cigar note?"
There are five (5) basic tastes -- think the taste-bud equivalent of an eight-pack of Crayola. In a cigar-centric manner they are:
Sweet -- Sugary and/or creamy dessert stuffs, baked or candied (chocolate).
Sour -- Acidity... citrus, grape, wine, weak coffee.
Salty -- Simple & self explanatory.
Bitter -- Baker's chocolate, espresso, citrus peel.
Umami -- Savory, meaty. Grains (cereal/bread) and mushroom, too...
You can please read more HERE.
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Ya got a question re: the topics of cigars, boxing, or horse racing, a la Shemp's last day? Send it to me for my answer via any contact method listed HERE. Thanks, gentlepersons, for yer continued attentions.