12:41pm
The dial on the reach-in humidor at the head shop which occasionally passes as my local B&M reads 83%. I casually alert the clerk:
YOUR STOGIES ARE GOING TITS UP, says I with all the aplomb of a mother with colicky babe. (Pardon my French.)
We address the situation and I am allowed to fix. In fixing, I access a hidden part of the humidor which exists behind a door alongside the machine's guts. There is a cedar box. It says 'Cuban Rejects.' I am Harry Potter discovering a wand not everyone is privy to. I open the box and the price tag reads 1.00. I buy two. One for feces, one for facial gestures.
I look forward to the lower level magic which awaits.
I am a lover of stogies. Those who have been reading this blog for a bit, are aware of my cheap-o roots. It is only a much beloved and appreciated fluke, that I am given expensive boutique blends to peruse and review. One must have a foot in one's roots at all times. Ask Oprah and she'll say the same.
The Cigar:
Cuban Rejects
Ventura Cigar Co.
Maduro wrapper
Nicaraguan & Dominican origin
Torpedo
(I use above only the info found on the company site.)
Nicely aged wrapper with a divot or three. Very dark, very oily. A somewhat mottled complexion with an attempt at toothiness. Nice sheen. Seams are well-crafted, no troublesome veins. Torpedo cap is fine. Packing is medium firmness but runs the -/+ gamut. Soft spots, dig? But not egregiously so. A fine apprentice roller. A peek at the foot shows a small gap and two stems. 95% of it is even, dense short-leaf filler of dark rich brown coloring with reddish dirty-blond highlights.
Leather-earthy nose. Very mild and off-in-the-distance dusty. A touch of caramel at the foot. No further tobacco strength there. I bite off the cap and crunch through a stem. Does Obamacare do dental? Cold pull does not offer much but an also distant and dusty red note. A mottled cinnamon red pepper/clay. My lips tingle a tad, as does the tip of my tongue.
Light:
Toasting the foot lets loose some notes of roasting nuts and a simple tobacco wafting. First hot pull is a seltzer water mineral laced very mild tobacco with a very light body. The next hot pull is retro-haled and shows not much more than what has already been noted. A third pull is chocolate in seltzer water. The smoke is very wispy. Finish is tinny and sharp. Slight notes of tobacco and chocolate. Some salted boiled peanuts. Those notes are unchanged from draw to end of finish -- which is of medium to almost long length.
The very flaky ash looks far more DR than it does Nicaraguan, but that's a whole truckload of so what. The burn is quite uneven and I don't expect it to ever be pretty; however, the burnline is quite surprisingly razor thin. Nothing else worthy of change in construction note just yet. I failed to mention the draw: medium.
Footsmoke is quite tinny and laced with diesel notes and, if indoors I'd imagine not overly pleasant. Profile is barely medium-. Mouthfeel is actually quite pleasant and moist but not drool-inspiring.
I gnaw off another bit of the cap in an attempt to fill better my smoke-hole with smoke wholly. Very light smoke, and very little of it. There is barely enough for tasting. It's more of a feel, and that feel is sharp and mechanically so. In an attempt to save it from extinguishing itself completely, I roll off the ash and take a peek. We're tunneling badly. Someone get me my Old Timer, STAT!
I skillfully hack off about a 1/2" of stogie. As I made mention of, I bought two of these Cuban Reject for a buck a pop. I smoked #1 last night, and while it had an ugly burn -- it was nothing near this extent. I re-light the current offering and am met with a very small mouth load of tin. The burn on the wrapper is still razor thin, and thanks to my hacking amputation, even. The center still burns too hot for my comfort and I'll half be shocked it we don't tunnel again.
Construction has almost evaporated. I speak to the internal sense of it being very, very soft and hot. The wrapper itself has suffered no further blemishes beyond its original divots.
Flavors of watered down chocolate soda. I guess we're in
Act II:
My allergies must be acting up again, because I'm coughing quite a bit. I don't want to scream miracle yet but, knock on wood, no tunneling. I suspect the stem we chased to near hot oblivion was cut out. A sharp wet hardwood note comes in on the back of a diesel taste.
Ash is a holy mess. The wrapper has begun to dry. The cap-end stays moist and offers a nice chew. A retro-hale singes my nose hairs with an attempt at some sort of ... pepper? Like a chili powder, maybe? Am I asking you, or am I telling you? I don't know, but good question? Thanks for reading?
The smoke has increased by volume and body now. I am well aware that a mention of body begs a mention of flavor. Let's stick with a very sharp yet diluted chocolate soda. A spoonful of syrup stirred into a tall glass of seltzer and served on the rocks. The rocks have melted. The tinny notes of mineral meanderings are at the finish. The finish is more of an aftertaste.
Construction-wise burn notes are the same and the softening has stopped. Possibly on account of a further softening not being physically feasible. I roll off 3/4 an inch of ash and it's yellowed charcoal with medium grey highlights. Completely powdered. The wrapper is now cracked as we reach the homestretch and the jockey reaches for his whip...
Act III:
I retouch the burn? Yes. I retouch the burn. Oh, boy-o. I'm getting a bit of a headache? Yes. I'm getting a bit of a headache.
The good news is that the binder is holding. A nuttiness re-emerges... still peanut, but roasted and salty. Maybe with some cayenne? A retro-hale is full-on diesel. Aftertaste: diesel. I audibly hear the wrapper crack.
Could I have over-paid for a one buck smoke? My tongue is abraised and there is a mild throbbing where my hopes were. Daddy used to say there's a lot of quit in me, and he meant that sincerely but as a "know when to fold 'em" sorta way.
I fold.
I let the last bit of stogie burn. Maybe I'll come back for it later. Maybe I'll toss it in my rose bucket feedings of ash and spent coffee grounds.
Last night's offering prompted me to tweet out: "My one buck Cuban Reject is scratching the ever-lovin' heck outta my stogie itch." It truly did, and I truly wish I'd reviewed that one. It showed, although dirty and mottled: chocolate, red peppers, earthiness, and leather -- as per my notations.
I believe a tie-breaking third stick is order.
Pairings:
A bottle of good chocolate soda. A Yoo-hoo? A tall glass of regret?
Final Grade: F
Epilogue:
Re-light 1:33pm - 1:35pm
IT BURNS.
I did not have any intent of raking over the coals, this offering. I am truly regretful that this review became what it did. I shall indeed review a third Cuban Reject and link that review HERE when it doth exist.
No one loves a cheap stogie more than I. Too, however, I will not be anything shy of honest in my appraisals. Stay tuned, gentlepersons.
... and note that I am disappointed ONLY in the performance of this particular offering. I am not disappointed in my experience. I embarked on a smoking experience on a pleasantly sunny autumn day, and remain keenly aware that not everyone might have the chance to to so. For too long, I had not that chance. For all this and more, I am grateful grateful and more grateful.
Now please pass the Listerine. Also stick to Cuban Rounds until further notice. A few cents more than a few cents more -- visit Gary's House (Casa de Garcia -- check index for reviews).