Thursday, September 17, 2015

Further on Each of the Eleven (11) Commandments of Cigar Etiquette X

10. Be neither pretentious in the growing of your ash, nor flicketh too often.
Your character is on display here. Be not showy or nervous.
Let’s peer into that character, shall we?
(In the interest of full disclosure, I lifted the majority of this post from myself. It was posted pre-Eleven (11) Commandments era, but fits nicely herein.)

Firstly, nothing puts you at a deficit in any situation quicker than not “owning” said situation. Nervous nellies own nothing -- well, maybe a nice supply of antacids. That stated, a cone-shaped cherry at your cigar’s foot is a phenomenon which indicates you are over-smoking the dang thang. That is, pulling from it too rapidly. This showcases that impatience and nervousness. If you must be that guy, at least put on a poker-face by way of consciously slowing your roll. Attempt to go off no less than ¾ cocked. As an added bonus, your overall smoking experience will be a far superior one.

Nervousness and impatience, transversely, can be seen via over-flicking. This could also be seen as nascent stogie smoker behavior, in the form of one transitioning from the world of cigarettes -- regardless, it shows a n00b as a n00b and as too potentially caustic. See: half-cocked. Read: itchy trigger finger.

The building of ash should and is viewed as one judgment of a cigar’s construction and blend. The longer the ash is able to be grown, generally speaking, the better quality of the cigar. Let’s though not get carried away, gentlepersons. A solid inch here (unlike ‘elsewhere’) makes well yer point. Overt pandering to the length of an ash can be seen as a man who *ahem* lacks other lengths, and is a self-congratulatory poseur. It is the stick which deserves praise, something I see lost upon these long ash growers and their brazenly showy “Look, ma!” attitudes.

Opposite of the previously mentioned cone-effect is the concave cherry. This is a man who might be lazy, or thoughtful. Either way, he does not live in the moment and is of little consequence. The concave cherry is symptomatic of not taking enough pulls. A caveat here is “tunneling” which is a construction issue, and not an issue of the smoker per se. At first glance these occurrences might appear the same, but upon closer inspection a concave stogie takes up much of the foot -- whereas tunneling is usually a more pin-pointed area.
On Beyond Ash, Proper
(Short random notes)
A man who, between puffings, places his stogie in a tray is a calculating perfectionist with no small amount of neuroticism -- pursue with caution.

A man who holds his stogie in his hand continuously is of the rough and ready sort. General Patton’s "A good plan, violently executed now, is better than a perfect plan next week." Let him have his fun, because ya can’t stop him anyway -- and always accept his apologies. They are all heartfelt.

A man who dangles his stogie from his mouth - well - sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and sometimes a cigar is a place-holder for a throbbing erection pacifier.

A woman who smokes a cigar in any way, shape, or form, I should add - should report to my porch post-haste whilst wearing a thin and flowing floral dress.

Now we know a little more than we used to, don't we? Go forth and use it both on how you see others and on how others might see you.
As ever always, my kindest of thanks and regards for having read this, dear reader. I too recommend that you read my The Eleven Commandments of Cigar Etiquette in their wonderful entirety HERE.