Technically, this is a division with three subdivisions: Guillotine (straight cut), Punch Cut, and English Cut. We shall give the punch cut option its own spotlight moment, because it offers a different smoking experience from the remaining two listed options.
When most folks think cigar cutter, they mean the Guillotine variety. This remains a very good option for the beginner, as the level of difficulty is near nil and supply is long on this particular style. They are the easiest to get your grubby paws on.
Note: Beginner. That reminds me, never look the gift horse of a teachable moment in its nascent eye. The capped end of a stick is made of a separate piece of material, entirely, from the rest of said stick. It is a cover held fast in its place with tobacco paste or a flour/water mixture.
Back to the Guillotine, I say in as non-threatening a manner as possible. The most advanced among we Brothers of the Leaf roundly recommend the double Guillotine over its single cousin. Single cousins are odd creatures who tend to be okay getting friend-zoned and prefer cats over dogs and San Francisco over Oakland. Mainly, though, and in this context - a single blade Guillotine is too akin to the desperate results of kitchen knife/cutting board. There stands to be squishing on account of the blunt surface.
Here we become convoluted, or, perhaps we devolve. I digress.
But prior to a full deployment of digression, let's discuss ye oldde Punch Cut. As a fan of milder smoking experiences, I have oft employed this tactic. By punching a smallish hole through the cap in lieu of cutting it fully away, less smoke is ear-marked for your smoke-hole. What this method says about you is that you are either a knowledgeable mild stogie aficionado, or you are a scavenger of the sale bin and got this on the cheap since so many fewer smokers line up to buy this option. Either reason, I might add, would end in me liking the cut of yer jib.
What does a single blade Guillotine say about you? If I were to judge, and I shall, I am not impressed by yer jib whatsoever, kind sir. I will, however, play poker with you all night long. See: dumb money.
Now, fully amid digression, I lose track and this post begins to boarder on quirky - but not as quirky as the English Cut option. For those who have no jib at all, and thus grow beards to attain (personality) jib, this has your name written all over it. 'Nuff.
Wait! V-Cut! This is a sloppy way of cutting dangerously far into the cigar portion of the cigar and thus has the opposite effect of the Punch Cut. You'll flood your smoke-hole with smoke and your smoke will most likely be burning unevenly as you do. If this is your personal preference, you tend to call all of your friends Broseph and, also, there are not many opportunities for you to say Broseph.
Cue Convolution
I touched on this earlier when making mention of kitchen knife/cutting board and how it closely mirrors a single-blade Guillotine. These options, again, both suck evenly. On top of sucking, though, they each reveal a different man. Dumb money has already been discussed, so we now go on to The Struggle. It's real. If you have (and I have) taken knife to stogie - you have probably also (and I have) made "pizza" on slices of white bread. Viva la revolucion, comrade! Yes, real is the struggle, my brother. Furthermore, Bernie Sanders 2016.
But the worst option is also not the worst option here. Allow me to clarify: to reiterate: they both suck evenly. The result of dumb money (ie: spendable income outweighing knowledge), and the sheer everyday melee of poverty are on par here in the end.
Beautiful, no?
I should, too, add that scissors are yet another on-hand terrible option. While not as poor of a resort as a knife - it is my experience that most scissors are owned by women. Don't use your wife's stuff on your stuff. She sees your stuff as gross and does not want it on, or anywhere near, her stuff. Also, from a practical standpoint, it's an even sloppier version of the already sloppy V-Cut.
We've already begun and are three quarters of the way to our conclusive ending. Let's summate and then I'll put a ribbon on this bitch by telling you how you're wrong and, more importantly, how I am right.
Cigar cutting is a rather level playing field, other than the Double Guillotine, which rises above the rest. Aside, of course, from the now knowledgeable decisions you can make regarding your personal smoking preferences of the V- and Punch Cuts. So go out and get you a Guillotine!
Also, go eat a peach with a knife and fork off your finest China whilst wearing a bib, your royal highness. Remember, though, the Guillotine ended the "Let them eat cake" era.
Here is where I part ways with many experts. If I am, in fact, an expert. I mean I do have a blog... I mean not just anyone can have a blog. You first must have an email address... Anyhooo...
... How to Bite the Cap Off A Cigar
You take the G-d damned peach and you bite into it. The juices roll freely from the corners of your mouth and down your chin. Carpe peach! First, Conan, know your cigar. Taste before you bite. Lick and suck - it's okay - sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Sometimes it's a large brown phallic symbol your mouth craves to the point of watery pining.
Remember, the cap is separate from the stick. When it's moist and you've well enjoyed the pre-light experience of your mutual introduction. Release it with your lusty and skilled teeth. Spit it out, and light up.
Enjoy. It's both the classy and the classless way to do so.