Flip-Flops: You smoke whatever anyone gives you for free. Anything. Anyone. Dude! You really don't taste much but it helps you chill and keeps your non-Keystone Light hand busy. People like having you around, and you like to be around. You are someone's emotional support human, as long as they keep picking up the tab. Man, I wish I didn't like you. Sure, it's on me.
Slides: Flavored cigars. Heavily, heavily flavored cigars. You also only smoke cigars in situations where you'd be made fun of for vaping. You pair everything with your favorite energy drink. UNLESS there's no swoosh present and the slides aren't plastic but plain brown or black leather. In that case, you're an ass-kicking older guy who drives a small 30-year-old pickup truck and has allegiance to that Connecticut you can't recall the name of. In the case of the latter, you're renting out a house to the case of the former.
Birkenstocks: You love big, brash, and bold smokes high in nic-kick dizzying and what you mistake as black pepper. You have this weird thing where you generally and genuinely confuse discomfort and comfort. You also like the smell of gasoline but prefer electric. You're pretty granola but exceptionally efficient and all your granola labels have words like POWER on their packaging. Quit sizing people up, huh?
Teva: You like a small-ish and rather potent spicy smoke. You also smoke the occasional cigarette. Likely, you keep a stress pack. You have a lot of stress. It's imaginary. You like EDM for some reason and correct people often... "They're actually pronounced Teh-Veh. It's Hebrew" You are a member of a Reform Synagogue. You will smoke a 'lesser' cigar if you can connect the brand to a real mensch. Mine are black with a little blue and grey.
Crocs: Look. If you don't care, I don't care.
Closed Toe: You are a legacy brand status smoker and English is your perhaps third language. You never turn down a hookah or bidi and no one should. You're also wearing shorts and a polo shirt. You take no BS but sure like giving it. Not enough people realize you're the funniest person they met that day. If you're wearing slides with crossing leather straps, this is also you.
Hiking Sandals: Maybe you're ex-military. Definitely, your wife picked out your sandals, likely for a particular family vacation. She thought they were enough like shoes that sorta look like boots, tactically speaking of course; that you wouldn't complain too much. You complain a lot--even though you really like them a lot. You dig boutique smokes but she keeps buying you popular brands and spends way too much.
::: very :::