Smoking, as we all know, is a numbers game. It is also a thing that must not be done wrong, and there are decidedly wrong ways to do it. If you don't think you can smoke wrong, heed the wise words of Charles Baudelaire, "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist." The following is a listicle. A concise and numbered path to eternal smoking heaven.
1. How often you take a drag on your cigar is of utmost importance and hinges on the vitola at hand. Nevertheless, the average amount of time between puffs should be 54.6 seconds. A more comprehensive breakdown of individual formats (37) and their specific times can be furnished upon request.
B. Taking double and triple puffs extends this rest time by 13.2 and 26.3%, respectively.
3. Expelling smoke through your nose (retro-hale) is the most important thing you can ever do, inside and outside of enjoying premium cigars. It is strongly recommended to first find your dominant nostril. This changes periodically, and information on finding your dominant nostril can also be furnished upon request and should be diagnosed at the beginning and end of each third of your cigar.
IIII. Let's get back to enjoying that smoke. One should retro-hale every 3.2 puffs. A ratio of smoke between nostrils should hover closely to the 65/35 dominant/submissive range. However, not all smoke should be freed from your head thusly, but only the final say 21.8-25.2% of what you're holding. We don't need to be too exact here; smoking is about relaxing and letting go.
5. Don't let go. You should hold the smoke in your mouth for a minimum of an even nine seconds and a maximum of 14.1 seconds, this depends upon the wrapper leaf which makes up on average 104.4% of a cigar's profile. More on that another time.
6. When pulling, never forget to rotate your cigar clockwise every three-quarters of a second, each rotation should be about the span of an hour on an analog watch. Certain (expensive) analog watches, when worn, lend immeasurably to the betterment of the cigar-smoking experience.
7. In-between puffs, do not hold the cigar in your teeth for more than 2.6 seconds at a time or 11.4 seconds total (depending on format and size) more precise information can be furnished upon request. These times are extended by 16.4% when held in lips only. When placed in the finger of a tray or on a cigar rest, the lagging bit of leaf should always be placed downward to hide your awful shame.
eight. When holding a cigar in your hand, remember to be constantly aware of that how you grip it says many things about the type of person you truly are. Be careful to present yourself correctly or incorrectly if that's a definitively better approach. More information as to that can also be furnished upon request, as well.
9. Not immediately to do with the puff is the rolling off of ash. Roll off ash every 0.8 and 1.6 inches. I should take time to mention metric conversions are available upon request to Canada.
10. While these standards might at first appear rigid, just wait till you try to follow them a few times.
10b. For what I really have to say about cigar smoking BUY MY BOOK, How to Enjoy a Cigar.
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