Thursday, February 6, 2020

Found Poetry | Cigar email Subject Lines

"Have you Kaplowitz'd to-day?"

Perhaps you follow Kaplowitz Media. on Twitter. (You should.) If & now that you do, you may too have noticed I've been having some fun with the staggering amount of email blasts (spam?) sent out by the good folks over at JR Cigars (not a sponsor).  Below are the subject lines of their 2/5 emailings.

Dearest customer, we've got some good news: $10 off Baccarat + 10 free cigars

Prime Time Price Drop: $10 off Romeo Anejados + free humidor

Happy Hour Herf: 20 top smokes only $39.95

12 hours of savings: 20 Rocky cigars only $69.95

This week, you're royalty: $20 off El Rey del Mundo + 5 free cigars

Dearest customer, we've got some good news: $10 off Baccarat + 10 free cigars (I know, it's a double, but maybe useful. Dunno.)

Here's one from today (2/6) via Ezra Zion/Nomad because those just tend to crack me up. Those being the people at Ezra Zion (also not a sponsor)...

*NEW CIGAR ALERT!* MELTED VANILLA ICE CREAM is Now Available!

It's amazing what you can accomplish with some leftovers and an inkjet printer. I digress back to JR; WTactualF is going on there? Dunno. But I did sign up for it (as I did the EZ/Nomad) and am staying firmly aboard because creative & comedic fodder like this doesn't grow on trees. I should also add that the above six (6) emails from JR constitute a below avg. out-put highlighted by one brilliant nine (9) email day.

Before I get poetic, "what is found poetry?" you might be asking. Take it away, Wikipedia: "Found poetry is a type of poetry created by taking words, phrases, and sometimes whole passages from other sources and reframing them (a literary equivalent of a collage) by making changes in spacing and lines, or by adding or deleting text, thus imparting new meaning."

*
*        *

FLEETING

Good news, Romeo
you're royalty! (El Rey del Mundo!)

but

This week. 12 hours. 5 happy hours.
a dearest prime NOW on top?
then, a melted vanilla ice cream.

drop

__________________

You see, it is a warning. No. Advice; that I found in these ridiculous emails (w/ 5mins. of searching) that all is fleeting. The good, the bad. Just ask Buddha about impermanence. Then, once you've found him, kill him, of course.

I'll let you be after one final poem.

PROPOSAL

Drop Rocky
good free ice cream
available now (if you do)...

My Dearest, I melt.

__________________

A home-wrecking poem, that. Leave him, I can provide better. This brazen bidder has assured himself of a positive result, as he's already melted in anticipation! Poor, poor Rocky. "All's fair in love & war." - John Lyly, Euphues.

This was fun. RIGHT?

::: very :::