Nevertheless, I am not sans my own sources, gentlepersons. Let us not forget I myself have been in the Cigar Industry for many weeks now. Here is the news that is about to break, Brothers and Sisters of the Leaf.
Here is KAPLOWITZ as I Scoop the Coop:
(Schenectady, NY)
Fire Chief Lee Raynes, new-found and self-proclaimed "cigar guy" allows fire to engulf duplex.
"I guess I'm just a cigar guy." Raynes, a 14 year veteran of the SNYFD, reiterated. Upon arrival, he noted that there was a small and still quite controllable fire on the 800 block of W.18th.
"The burn looked a little off," he said on the record. "But a lot of times, these things even themselves out."
When pressed for further details, he cited the fire's "lack of transition at the halfway mark."
In answering if he had any regrets as to his lack of fire fighting actions which led to the complete destruction of the duplex at 805 W.18th, the father of three said flatly,
"I was disappointed by the somewhat powdery ash."
Mr. Raynes has been put on paid administrative leave. An investigation is pending.
(Gresham, OR)
Surviving great great grandchildren of Dorothy "Dot" Dixon, 104, have filed suit against 'Big Tobacco' for her untimely death.
"It should have killed her in the late 1980s." Says great great grandson, Hunter Paisley Dixon. "We could have used the cash years ago." He continues, citing his great great grandmother's life insurance policy. "I'm opening a vape lounge slash organic juice bar." He continued.
"A settlement on top of that would really give my yoga studio a boost." Added great great grand daughter Harmony Willow Dixon-Hastings.
When asked as to the frequency of Ms. Dixon's smoking habit, Ms. Dixon-Hastings said, "She didn't really ever smoke, but once took a cab ride in the late 1960s. She would always tell the story of her cabbie and his unlit Te-Amo."
The family has since settled out of court for an undisclosed amount.
(Columbus, GA)
A representative of the International Premium Cigar and Pipe Retailers Association (IPCPR) has released the location of the organization's upcoming 2017 convention.
"Many factors go into choosing a location for our renown tobacconist convention. Mainly, it needs to of course be held in a smoke-friendly area." He went on to add that he is "...looking forward to meeting the peoples of Outer Mongolia."
Locales under research for the 2018 event include Mars, under my bed (pending the wife's approval), and Koontz Lake, IN. News will be reported as it breaks.
AJ FERNANDEZ CONTINUES TO DENY HE'S TAYLOR HICKS
(Hollywood, CA - Sunrise, FL)
I mean, c'mon, gentlepersons.
