12/4/17

Surrogates Animal Cracker AC550 by L’Atellier - Cigar Review

[Or, Hooray for Captain Spaulding]

A 2016 L’Atelier Imports release, this Surrogates Animal Cracker Robusto is way more my speed insofar as size than its 2013 Gordo sister-offering. The blend itself was intended to be the strongest in the company portfolio... that ain't my speed at all. Where do I file a complaint, gentlepersons? I used to walk into the cigar shop and ask for something sweet, cheap, and mild -- just like me. I used to be liked even less.


"I'm sick of these conventional marriages. One woman and one man was good enough for your grandmother, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Nobody, not even your grandfather. Think! Think of the honeymoon! Strictly private. I wouldn't let another woman in on this. Well, maybe one or two. But, no men! I may not go myself." Groucho Marx, Capt. Spaulding, Animal Crackers.

*Spoiler alert* this is a short review surrounded by copy&pasted quotes which offer no further understanding re: the matter/cigar at hand. To make matters worse, not all said quotes are "quoted" -- so maybe this won't read so good. Did someone call me Schnorrer?

In truth, this is an elaborate rouse. Which if heard incorrectly may sound like a fancy shade of red. Nevertheless. You are being smoke-screened, gentlepersons. You should be so mad. Changes are afoot and I throw ya this gibberish as a distraction. What changes? Still ruminating on 'em. It's what I do. They'll be here soon.

"Tell me, what do you think of the traffic problem? What do you think of the marriage problem? What do you think of at night when you go to bed, you beast?" (Again) Groucho Marx Capt. Spaulding, Animal Crackers.

MY NOTES:
Both construction and combustion are quite well-behaved sans much else to say. Although say I shall, slightly-so, for there's something that I'd like to state. Seams, nipple-topped Fuma-style cap, shoulder all show then hold-well. The draw is a smooth medium+ tension'd thing. Ash builds a thick and grey stack a' dimes. Smoke out-put is even and moderately active, leaving a spiced leather barnyard room-note in its wake. This fact I'll emphasize with stress: the nub is cool and firm.
  • Black Pepper
  • Cocoa
  • Meat (beef jerky)
  • Coffee (ground beans)
  • Fruit (date, prune)
  • Salt
  • Leather
  • Manure
  • Barnyard
The texture of this L’Atellier exhibits some slight grit. However, not 'nuff to abrade the palate. Salted bits carry some generic sour leanings. Heavy and dark notes (The African Explorer!)... yet I wouldn't say rich per se. Full bodied in a sinewy manner. Lacking in spice other than black pepper. Balance tastes and feels a bit outta whack -- as strength surges ahead and falls-back hither and thither. If I stay here I'll GO nuts.

A teary-eyed retro-hale don't add much to the profile. Finish lingers bitter-sweetly in a more delicate manner than I'd'a bet. No real complexities. Some sorta herky-jerky transitions in a flip-flopping of sweet and earth; some ebbing/flowing of umami. My friends, I am highly gratified at this magnificent display of effusion. And I want you to know - it's all 'bout that nic, methinks. As an offering a' that ilk, this Surrogates Animal Cracker brings more than some, less than some others -- to that dizzying spoon-full-of-sugar table.

WRAPPER: Ecuadorian Habano Oscuro
BINDER: Nicaraguan
FILLER: Nicaraguan

STRENGTH: Full
FORMAT: Robusto (un-cut foot, Fuma-style cap)
ORIGIN: My Father Cigars S.A., Nicaragua

FINAL GRADE: B+
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79 D 60-69 F 0-59

"We took some pictures of the native girls; but, they weren't developed. But, we're going back again in a coupla weeks." (Still) Groucho Marx, Capt. Spaulding, Animal Crackers.

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"I Got Married" Kaplowitz Radio: November 29, 2017
(Well, somebody's gotta do it!)