2/5/16

Super Bowl 50 Stogie Predictor

A speck of time ago,  I believe it was at the Palm Beach Kennel Club, a Super Bowl 50 Pooch Predictor was ran or run; whichever is correct. TB's Icestar represented the Carolina Panthers. TB's Tracker, the Denver Broncos. The Denver Broncos hound went wire-to-wire, pulling away at the end.

I think the big game itself will be closer. I believe cigars to be an even better predictor than greyhound. I chose Casa de Garcia because those weren't the best dogs, either. Plus, I am always looking for a reason to get my stogie on, gentlepersons.

PROFILES
Casa de Garcia Red
Churchill 6 1/2 x 50
Connecticut wrapper
Connecticut Broadleaf binder
Dominican & Honduran fillers

Casa de Garcia CT
Churchill 6 1/2 x 50
Connecticut wrapper & binder
Dominican & Honduran fillers

RULES
Each cigar shall be smoked in full and graded per quarter. Grades will be scored on a point system of 0, 2, 3, 6, or 7. Categories graded shall be as follows: Appearance, Construction, Combustion, Flavors/Body.

Casa de Garcia Red shall represent the Denver Broncos.
Casa de Garcia Connecticut, the Carolina Panthers.

Hillary Clinton tosses the ceremonial coin, and wins. She then goes home and writes me an email from her personal account of PrezHill@AOL which reads: "Broncos win." They elect to receive. We commence. May the best team win.
FIRST QUARTER

DENVER (CdG Red)
Appearance 0
Construction 2
Combustion 3
Flavors/body 2
Sub-total 7
Total 7

CAROLINA (CdG CT)
Appearance 3
Construction 3
Combustion 2
Flavors/body 2
Sub-total 10
Total 10

NOTES
DENVER
Eyeballing pre-light, I let loose an audible "ew." Uneven and cluttered draw and delivery. Primary note of sweet tobacco. Secondary note of sweet tobacco. Backing: Sweet tobacco. Sweet tobacco short-legged finish.

CAROLINA
Looks noticeably nicer, but not 3pts nicer. Combustion is horrid at the onset. Sweet hay and thin leather base. Perhaps a suede. Some cream with occasional oddly tangy light fruit. All very light notes. No finish. Mouth-feel ends an un-whipped whipping cream w a non-descript pepper. Ash holds?!
SECOND QUARTER

DENVER (CdG Red)
Appearance 2
Construction 2
Combustion 3
Flavors/body 3
Sub-total 10
Total 17

CAROLINA (CdG CT)
Appearance 3
Construction 3
Combustion 3
Flavors/body 0
Sub-total 9
Total 19

NOTES
DENVER
Some darkish nuts, sprinkling of coffee beans are added to the sweet tobacco core. Darkens a bit. Small, small trace of waxy cocoa. Kitchen spices on retro-hale and on longer finish. Burn is nigh fercockt, but somehow no re-touch is required. Draw tightens.

CAROLINA
Green notes. Pack softens a few ticks ahead of burn. Draw is even, its results are not. Much foot-smoke. Flavors don't change. Defensive football! Three yards and a cloud of dust! I taste dust. Hardly any body/flavor. Hint of white pepper on retro-hale. Almost a light lemon vibe on draw which seems chemical.

HALFTIME SHOW
Me, cooking and eating a helping of milk toast as a palate cleanser.
Sans pom-poms, although the temptation looms, as always.
Possible wardrobe malfunction. Thrice.
THIRD QUARTER

DENVER (CdG Red)
Appearance 3
Construction 3
Combustion 3
Flavors/body 3
Sub-total 12
Total 29

CAROLINA (CdG CT)
Appearance 3
Construction 3
Combustion 3
Flavors/body 0
Sub-total 9
Total 28

NOTES
DENVER
Some generic wood notes ebb and flow. A dirt note is noted and notated. Cocoa fills out into a baking chocolate variety, bitter. Bad spot of wrapper is smoked clean through, amazingly. Finish gets airy and a tad acidic.

CAROLINA
White bread toasting. Really only a hint. Mainly semi-sweet tobacco core and dust. Maybe wood chips. Construction and combustion improve, but not by 3pts.  To be honest, nothing much happens.
FOURTH QUARTER

DENVER (CdG Red)
Appearance 0
Construction 2
Combustion 2
Flavors/body 2
Sub-total 6
Total 35

CAROLINA (CdG CT)
Appearance 3
Construction 6
Combustion 3
Flavors/body -2 (safety)
Sub-total 10
Total 38

NOTES
DENVER
Baking chocolate and coffee beans meet for a sometimes bitey and somewhat thin latte affair. Cream does appear on mouth-feel to somewhat off-set acidic sour note. Burn-line grows a goiter; top-leaf flakes. Draws smooths. Smoke out-put increases. Pack softens a few ticks. A nougat vibe tries at the end. Bitter by band. Odd bottom of old lady's purse perfumed candy note at finish.

CAROLINA
Construction is nice, very nice even. The cigar reminds me of an Amish buggy -- just as well put-together and just as much flavor. Sharpness is primary flavor note.
DISCLAIMER/DISCLOSURE
I ain't watched a game all year. This is all stogie, gentlepersons.

PREDICTED RESULTS
Carolina Panthers 20 Denver Broncos 17

Stogies say a 38-35 Carolina Panthers Super Bowl victory over the Denver Broncos. I am as surprised as you are. I felt OK taking the liberty of editorially and loosely halving it to 20-17. It seems set to be a not entirely well-played event where Carolina wins by virtue of making one less mistake. Also, Denver tries to do too much.

Also, also -- Peyton Manning finishes his career with the Arizona Cardinals. You heard it here first. Coldplay should be fun though, no? No. They do not do "fun."

For both celebratory and consoling offerings, I cannot help but recommend any of my Kaplowitz Mishpucha.

POSTSCRIPT
I cancelled our weekly Radio Herf for this drek???