To Build a Better Builder's Tea

To Build a Better Builder's Tea (A Horizontal Tasting, of Sorts)

Please enjoy this bit of a change from the usual Tobacciana | Sherlockiana Kaplowitz Media. content offered. Although tea is a fine and over-looked premium tobacco pairing. It also goes famously well with books.

Builder's tea, or brew, is a strongly brewed black tea, served hot to be clear. Typically milk and maybe less typically these days, sugar is added as well. The brewing method is per cup, via tea bag; using neither loose leaf nor teapot. This nom de tea, as you may have known or guessed, is of British coinage. Also, historically, cheaper tea was employed in its conjuring. A cuppa of blue-collar 'get 'er done, guv'nah' roots.

I'm a bit of a tea guy myself, and much of what I drink could be called builder's tea. While I don't build with my hands, I do build with my mind--which is pretty much the same thing until I can't thought experiment change-out a flat tire on the side of the road. Nevertheless, a thing I like about being a tea drinker is (I've noted this prior) exactly what the string and tab of a teabag laid over-top the rim of a mug says to others about you. No one bothers the obvious tea drinker to help move a heavy box. "Leave him be, he's a reader."

(Note: that Yorkshire is the only of the three soon-to-be-named teas with a string.)

Sure, that cosy intellectual bookworm sentiment flies in the face of 'builder's' but I find it holds wonderfully true in at least my modern American experience. Speaking of both wonderfully and experience, you might be wondering as to what brand of tea I prefer to experience. After all, that is the most important part of the whole shebang. The truth is I don't know for sure, but I want to. I will say I calmly fluctuate between three options--all of which I regularly stock in my cupboard:

They are Tetley's Brtish Blend, PG Tips Original, and the afore-mentioned Yorkshire. They are noted as being, as per their respective websites, "Deliciously rich and robust," "A delicious smooth cuppa," and, "A proper brew--pure and simple." Now I won't geek out over their leafy components beyond again noting they consist of black teas, but I will note a bit about these slogans. Firstly, it's nice to see that hipster ampersand usage has yet to pervade there.

Also, I perhaps strangely prefer 'proper' to 'delicious' in terms of descriptors, points awarded to Yorkshire (Sir Patrick Stewart's preference). Tetley, in turn, gets points for 'rich and robust' over 'smooth.' While we're tallying, 'pure and simple' runs too touchy-feely and yet also awkwardly clinical. 'Cuppa' can be seen as authentic, too cutesy, or both. Truth be told, however, this tact has begun to feel like a less than ideal way to suss out a favorite.

What I now have in front of me are three vintage McDonald's Garfield mugs. I picked them up at a garage sale a bit ago to replace the ones I had as a kid. In each cartoon festooned quirky vessel is a single teabag. One Tetley Brish Blend, one PG Tips, and one Yorkshire. I don't mean to over-excite when I say this, but also, the kettle is on! Soon, the teas will be brewing for three minutes. Afterward, I will add to each a measured teaspoon of sugar and another of milk.

Then, I'll drink 'em all. And report--

::: MY FINDINGS :::

Tetley British Blend:
The brew of the deepest hue. Has a bit of a naggy medicinal almost ointment quality to its bouquet. Bandage adhesive smell-taste... maltiest of the three. Tastes deep as its hue on the first sip but then trails off a bit, although the clean finish is nice. A good amount of tannins. Nice structure. Woodsy, earthen. Perhaps somewhat one-dimensional. Morning cuppa. Silver medal.

PG Tips:
The best in terms of aromatics. A deep, rich, nuanced floral nose. Plush posh mouthfeel, the best body of the three. Lingers in layers of complexity. Ends creamily, missing cleanly. Shy on tannic quality but not apparently trying there, nor completely void of that. Lots to see and delivered confidently. Full and comforting. Sating. Leathery earthen. After dinner cuppa. Gold medal.

Yorkshire:
The most diluted complexion of the three, and the least aromatic. Inoffensive palate shares the eye's diluted tendencies. More floral-vegetal and citrusy and lesser-so earthen, as compared to the others. Nice structuring but nothing really to test it. The most tannic of the three. Midday cuppa w/ cucumber sandwiches. I will continue purchasing for a 'proper' teapot offering. Bronze medal.

I have to pee.

::: very :::

El Rey Del Mundo Cigars Naturals Robusto en Vidrio in Review

El Rey Del Mundo Cigars Naturals Robusto en Vidrio in Review

WRAPPER: Ecuadorian Sumatra
BINDER: Honduran
FILLER: Honduran, Nicaraguan

FORMAT: Robusto en Vidrio
ORIGIN: Honduras (HATSA)
INTENSITY: Mild-medium

NOTES:

Cedar | Lemon candies | Graham cracker

"Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down." - Mitch Hedberg.

Add to the above-italicized notes: turtleneck | backpack. A muted, muffled blend--dustily dulled. Apologetic? Cedar is super-soft and buttery-forward, not lending much to structure, but much to the malaise. Little to no delineation throughout. Lemonheads candies under a layer of sunlit dust. Honey graham crackers, sparingly and in/out. A malted honey note is rather nice but as with the rest, quite hard to single-out. Chicken coop and pale suede under-belly. Smokes like blurry vision looks.

Somewhat of a cloyingly-sweet flat-fest which one could take as calm but registers to me as tedium. Not helping its case is a 2/3 and onward cardboard addition which happens in the wake of a failed exotic spice and white peppercorn gambit. Balanced and nuanced but in unentertaining ways. Lacks complexity and character. A profile everyone will sorta like but, unfortunately, no one will adore. Lackadaisical. The finish is perhaps the best aspect, where suede savoriness shines thru with a honey malt nod. 

Burn-line needs a few light re-directs and pacing seems up and down, fast and slow, probably on account of that. A slight amount of smoke out-put off the foot, coupled with a lazy draw, leaves little to no room-note beyond a vague sandy sweetness. Packing softens about 3/4" ahead of an at times thick-ish line.  Seams and cap hold well. Ash is dry, clumpy not flakily-so. In the end, by which I mean the mid-point (although I soldier-on to nub) I taste what mainly can be summed up as a pleasant-enough smoke taste. 

TASTE: B+
DRAW: B
BURN: B
BUILD: B+

FINAL GRADE: B
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79

::: very :::

Partagas Anejo in (Limerick) Review | Partagas Project V

Partagas Cigars Anejo Petit Robusto
in (Limerick) Review V | Partagas Project
(5th review, 6th overall installment)

As advertised* here's (shortly) a quick (perhaps doggerel) limerick I composed in ode to the Paragas Anejo as part of my on-going Partagas Project... in particular to the offering I am now smoking. I apologize for formatting issues, as depending on your screen, intended line breaks may suffer (as may you simply by reading). I have decided against double-spacing because it looks odd. Please keep in mind the capitalization of each beginning line, the AABBA rhyme screen, and this blog's general lo-fi & lovely aesthetics.

WRAPPER: Cameroon/Connecticut Shade
BINDER: Dominican
FILLER: Mexican, Dominican

FORMAT: Petit Robusto (4.5x49)
ORIGIN: General Cigar Dominicana
INTENSITY: Medium

There once was a well-aged cigar named Anejo.
Partagas said '98 and '13 leaf, I said LET'S GO!

(There's new leaf too, that is Mexican--
I feel it helps said old leaf to flex again.)
Tangy-sweet floral but also more macho than mellow.

TASTE: A-
DRAW: B+
BURN: A-
BUILD: A-

FINAL GRADE: A-
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79

During this currently on-going 'Partagas Project' I will be writing somewhat of a weekly review of the Partagas Anejo in its Petit Robusto iteration. Each of these 10 reviews will be written of a different offering (same viola/box). Time-wise, then, this won't speak overly to the aging process (these are quite 'anejo' anyway) but mainly toward the idea of consistency.

That, and to my immense talents as both taster and writer. Author, even.

Each review will be written (authored) in a different style, which may be of some sort of benefit, if not boon, unto itself. Also, the Overview will be a recapitulative culmination as well as deeper dive into the components of this cigar, and of this series, as required at that point.

*Below is the schedule of this 'Partagas Project.' You have just read 6.

1. Intro (about the blend & project)
2. Review (Regular)
3. Review (Sherlock Holmes)
4. Review (Something quirky)
5. Review (Cigar Aficionado style)
6. Review (Limerick)
7. Review (Long-form)
8. Review (Flavor wheel)
9. Review (Kaplowitz Scale review)
10. Review (Doggeral poem)
11. Review (Primary tastes)
12. Overview

[PLEASE NOTE: regardless of which installment of this multi-post project you come in on, you can find the rest of the entries by employing the Search Kaplowitz Media. function to the right of your screen. Simply enter "Partagas Project." Thank you.]

For Tony Kupferer

::: very :::

The Country Squire Baker Street Pipe Tobacco in Review

The Country Squire Baker Street Pipe Tobacco in Review

CATEGORY: English
BLEND: Burley, Latakia, Perique, Virginia
FLAVORING: none

BLENDER: The Country Squire
MANUFACTURER: The Country Squire

CUT: Ribbon
PIPE: Old German Clay no. 3 (black)
INTENSITY: Medium-full

NOTES:
Chocolate (spiced) | Sweet hay | Roasted nuttiness

"There is nothing new under the sun. It has all been done before." - Sherlock Holmes, A Study in Scarlet.

"Business in the front, party in the back." Joe Dirt.

If you lived in my head, the above two quotes would be a more than sufficient review. Seeing as you don't, I'll go on. Holmes was right in his echoing of Ecclesiastes. But to be sure, if not new, it is quite different a thing to essentially offer-up an all-in-one course of English & Va/Per blending of blends. Although to pick nits, with the addition of Burley, it's more of an American English. Nevertheless, the brilliance here is the sheer avoidance of cacophony and achievement of full-on dense harmony.

So much going on and here's where Mr. Dirt comes home to roost. In the front, it's mainly English (Latakia) and in the back is all Va/Per (Perique). Virginias definitely and sweetly-softly form the stage all play on... or a mulleted scalp, in our analogous interests. Burley adds a roasted nuttiness which serves to structure well. Notes are quite mexi-spiced chocolate-y and also exhibit rich sweet hay and a clean lingering lemon. A bit of black pepper, particularly through the nose. Calmly and reassuringly complex.

Fresh out of the pouch, this blend's burn is fantastic. From char-light to heel, it's the smoothest of sailings. A surprising thing is a lovely aroma, given its Latakia involvement. The room-note settles into a ::: very ::: savory leatheriness that sidles up alongside already stated sweetness-forward tastes. An all-day smoke for some, an evening smoke for lighter palates, and an excellent bridge from cigars to pipes, to boot. I'm over the moon on this one, gentlepersons. Something-something is 'afoot,' and it's far from 'elementary.'

TASTE: A+
AROMA: A-
BURN: A+

FINAL GRADE: A
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79

PLEASE NOTE: Well, it's finally happened. For the first time, I typo'd on the Final Grade. Then, I did it again while attempting to correct my mistake. It is now, as you read this, accurately fixed. Apologies. - Kap (4/26)

::: very :::

Kaplowitz Media. Cigars of the Month for April 2022

The Kaplowitz Media. 

Cigars of the Month for April 2022 

(listed in alphabetical order)

CAO Pilon Anejo

FINAL GRADE: A-

Partagas Anejo

FINAL GRADE: A, A-, B+

(Partagas Project*)

Punch Rare Corojo Aristocrat

FINAL GRADE: A-

Villiger Cuellar Connecticut Kreme

FINAL GRADE: A-

Villiger La Libertad

FINAL GRADE: A-

You can read my full reviews of the above-listed smokes via employing the Search Kaplowitz Media. thingy to your screen's right-side. Simply type in, for instance, "CAO Pilon Anejo." Or whichever.

* You can find out all about this on-going series (and catch up on it) by plugging "Partagas Project" into the aforementioned Search Kaplowitz Media. field. 

::: very :::

The Kaplowitz Media. Podcast | Episode Two

The Kaplowitz Media. Podcast | Episode Two

I clipped the thumbnail on my left hand a little too short yesterday evening, and now I find it hurts to type. So I decided to take a typing break today and instead record an episode of The Kaplowitz Media. Podcast. Within, I read a smattering of recent writing posted to this blog. 

Please be aware that I realize "unquote" is correct and "end quote" is non-standard. However, I freely use both, with zero rhyme or reason.

The Kaplowitz Media. Podcast is available on many podcast players, please grab it on whichever of those you prefer. Or, listen below.

::: very :::

Looking in on Barker Yet Again | Sherlock Holmes, The Adventure of Charles Augustus Milverton

Looking in on Barker Yet Again | Sherlock Holmes, The Adventure of Charles Augustus Milverton

It's been a tick of time since last we've visited our good friend Mr. Barker. If you've not been along for the ride at all or not in full, this marks the fourth installment of a three-part series regarding the perhaps recurring character. Yes, you read that correctly. For the others, please simply type "Barker" in the Search Kaplowitz Media. field to your immediate-ish right. There, you'll take a whirlwind tour of The Retired Coulourman [RETI], The Valley of Fear [VALL], and The Adventure of the Empty House [EMPT].

Now, we look at our perhaps-Barker in The Adventure of Charles Augustus Milverton [Chas]. Also, and more accurately stated, at one Ms. Agatha, a housemaid in Milverton's employ and fiancee to Holmes when he poses as "a plumber with a rising business, Escott by name," in order to surveil Milverton's premises. Yes, you read that correctly, too. Fiancee. Nevertheless, Holmes counters Watson's in light of this news quite appropriate "Surely, you have gone too far?" comment with...

"You must play your cards as best you can when such a stake is on the table. I rejoice to say that I have a hated rival who will certainly cut me out the instant that my back is turned." Now let's take it back to The Retired Colourman and Holmes' direct mention of our on-going man of interest. "You had not met Barker, Watson. He is my hated rival upon the Surrey shore." Hated rival, see.

There are those who feel this 'hated rival' points also to the same Barker and furthermore, that when Holmes canned the faux engagement, Barker stepped in and married Agatha the housemaid. Mrs. Agatha Barker, then. Do I count myself amongst those? Well, let's see--CHAS was first published in Collier's on March 26, 1904. More importantly and according to (as ever) the chronology of Baring-Gould, the tale takes place on January 5, 1899.

A reminder of the involved Adventures B-G time-line. (For funsies, the year of publishing is listed parenthetically.)

VALL January 7, 1888 (1915)
EMPT April 5, 1894 (1903)
RETI July 28, 1898 (1926)
CHAS January 5, 1899 (1905)

I mean, it certainly seems plausible then. "This agency stands flatfooted upon the ground." Says Holmes to Watson in The Adventure of the Sussex Vampire [SUSS]. He says so in regards to not partaking in the supernatural realm and says so in, again according to B-G, November 19, 1896. (Published January 1924.) AGENCY. That would indicate having others under his employ, although his rag-tag Irregulars would alone qualify there, but only somewhat. Those street Arabs first appear, after all, in A Study in Scarlet [STUD], the ::: very ::: first chronicled Holmes tale.

But I highly doubt Holmes would elevate the then-current crop to be his Agency. Although, he does pay them handsomely and says nice enough things like they're "as sharp as needles, too; all they want is a little organisation." - STUD. Organization. Agency. The problem here is that none of these are of the marrying type (of even a housemaid) or age at the CHAS time, so this must be dismissed. If Barker was once an Irregular, as I suspect, he has some greater age on him at this point. STUD, chronologically, happened March 4, 1881--some 18 years prior.

Come to think of it, that would place Barker at quite a decent and ready marrying age. A figure ten-year-old Study in Scarlet street kid becomes a 28-year-old professional fellow over that time, and under the tutelage then the employment of Holmes. The average marrying age of Victorian Era gents actually seems placed at 26 and a half years. THE CLOCK WAS TICKING, perhaps. I still at least see nothing to conflict here. So then what to make of a Holmes so ready to toy with Agatha's affections as to treat them as fungible?

We could save his soul by offering him the grace of elaborately playing match-maker in an albeit icky manner. After all, he does not like women but never does treat them harshly. I mean, there is also a sort of precedent set within the canon, with Watson meeting Mary while earlier (B-G 1888) working in The Sign of the Four. The fact that it fits, coupled with the just-mentioned precedent, and adding-in the fact that Holmes admittedly had his back against the wall in dealing with Milverton--

I'd say sure to Mr. and Mrs. Cecil Barker. And to a slew of kids, why not? A thing to recall is that ACD is writing all these stories; years apart, but nevertheless. They are not, as we play at believing, random cases made public by Watson. Therefore, any plausible connection was probably penned purposefully-so. What are the odds of them being accidental? "Hated rival" is not a common phrase and therefore seen as barely less than "Barker." Only a tick less than a pointed finger. It's not as if it's only a character of a certain height to go on. 

As an aside, chronologically-speaking, my headache began somewhere between the second and the fourth paragraph of writing this article. I'll admit, chronology is most definitely not my most comfortable suit. I thankfully (I'd imagine) cannot taste the passage of time. A little synesthesia humor puts a wrap on things here.

::: very :::

Online resources for this article include: Lit2Go, Sherlock Peoria, The Arthur Conan Doyle Encyclopedia, Wikipedia (Baker Street Irregulars), and Baker Street Wiki (Mary Watson), University of Cambridge (Populations Past). A special hat tip to The Sound of the Baskerville BSI scion group and a gentleman therein whose name I cannot recall for bringing this to my attention.

Partagas Cigars Anejo Petit Robusto in Review IV

Partagas Cigars Anejo Petit Robusto in Review IV

WRAPPER: Cameroon/Connecticut Shade
BINDER: Dominican
FILLER: Mexican, Dominican

FORMAT: Petit Robusto (4.5x49)
ORIGIN: General Cigar Dominicana
INTENSITY: Medium

Malted notes of honey and milk chocolate dance over spiced-creamy cedar. Slowly-deliberately, caramel, citrus, vanilla bean, cocoa butter. Clay earthiness bedding, hidey leatheriness laid over-top.

91 points.

:::

Below is the schedule of this 'Partagas Project.' You have just read 5. 

1. Intro (about the blend & project)
2. Review (Regular)
3. Review (Sherlock Holmes)
4. Review (Something quirky)
5. Review (Cigar Aficionado style)
6. Review (Limerick)
7. Review (Long-form)
8. Review (Flavor wheel)
9. Review (Kaplowitz Scale review)
10. Review (Doggeral poem)
11. Review (Primary tastes)
12. Overview

[PLEASE NOTE: regardless of which installment of this multi-post project you come in on, you can find the rest of the entries by employing the Search Kaplowitz Media. function to the right of your screen. Try typing in "Partagas Project." Thank you.] (These instructions were edited for clarity 4/23/22.)

::: very :::

On The Story of the Man with the Watches by Arthur Conan Doyle

On The Story of the Man with the Watches by Arthur Conan Doyle (1898. SPOILERS AHEAD)

The Story of the Man with the Watches was published by The Strand Magazine in 1898, during The Great Haitus. This and 11 others were published as part of the "Round the Fire" series. It was later published by John Murray in Tales of Terror and Mystery (1922). This is not a Sherlock Holmes story.

I should clarify that the world's first consulting detective is not named, but definitely-perhaps seems to make a "well-known criminal investigator" appearance. Although to call it an unnamed cameo would be a tick much. The same can be true in the later in the same year and series "The Story of the Lost Special." But does Holmes appear? Are these two non-canonical Holmes stories or Doyle playing around in the genre sans an overshadowing detective of his own creation? Are they extra-canonical? Apocrypha? Typically the latter.

It bears mentioning too, that this occurred one-year after ACD had his new Undershaw Estate built in Surrey. A thing which went apparently quite over-budget. So that factoring in this real-world understanding--perhaps this Holmes/not Holmes devise is him having his cake (keeping Holmes shelved) and eating it too (cashing in on some level of hungry readership familiarity). Also, The Strand was still I'd imagine reeling off the reported 20,000 subscription cancelations they suffered on the heels of Holmes' death/eventual hiatus.

It's not that Doyle hated Holmes, he just viewed him as an impediment to overcome on his way to more serious authorial endeavors. He, therefore, threw him off the Reichenbach Falls, arm-in-arm, collar and elbow lock-up with a hastily-created Professor Moriarty (The Final Problem, 1893). Fin. Except, of course not really because then came Holmes' return to life from the never-was dead in The Adventure of the Empty House (1903). Due to popular demand, the Persian slipper was at long-last refilled with shag and the coal-scuttle with cigars, and the game was again afoot. Hiatus: over.

An interesting thing about The Hound of the Baskervilles (serialized 1901-02 in The Strand) is that it could easily yet brilliantly-so be read as a spooky tale with Holmes merely plugged into it. Also, to be clear, Holmes was not back from the not-dead within its pages, as HOUN is stated to have happened quite earlier than FINA.

Nevertheless, he does appear as somewhat of a ghostly apparition therein. Perhaps he haunts ACD in The Man with the Watches in a still more subtle fashion, a few years prior. A slow crawl back up to the land of the fully fictional living. Doyle's good friend JM Barrie seems to have thought he might be reborn all along*and after all. If it is, in fact, Holmes, he is a bit shall we say (and as we shall see) rusty under his Sigerson AKA? But this yarn. Let's un-ball it and see what's what.

What's what is homosexuality and gender-bending. Also card-sharping, a black sheep, and keeping mom in the dark as to much of it. Throw in a dead father and a son trying to fill that void. All that, and within whodunit's natural habitat, a train car. This is a fun, quick, and somewhat thought-provoking story; and also one maybe a bit ahead of its late Victorian Era time for the handling of aforementioned what-whats.

That said, it's also quite of its time, in the English eyeing with a side-long glance, the ready and wanton violence and corruption of the Wild West and Tammany Hall happenings across the pond. More to the point, its criminals threatening to bring their criminal behaviors to Joly Old (a recurring theme within Doyle's writings). Here, we are introduced to such a criminal, Sparrow MacCoy, a New Yorker "at the head of his profession as a bunco-steerer. green goodsman, and general rascal."

[A brief interjection. A green goods scam involved conning marks into paying good money for funny money.]

It was there that Edward, the younger brother of James by ten years, first partnered with MacCoy. Professionally and perhaps, we'll say, personally. Upon the death of their father, James took on somewhat of a paternal role in Edward's life. The family moved from England to America in the 1850s, and young Edward who was never a great egg became a downright bad one. "... at the end of a year or two, he was one of the most notorious young crooks in the [New York] City."

And now he's dead. Shot through the heart and who's to blame? "... neither the guard [John Palmer] nor the experienced detective officers could suggest." He was mysteriously in possession of six American pocket watches on a train in England. While dressed in his familiar guise of drag and accompanied by MacCoy. Another person was there, "a small man with a cigar in his mouth." They were moved away from the smoker. The other fellow had vanished, leaving only a half-smoked stogie. In fact the lady is gone too. Where is MacCoy come to think of it? Everyone is stumped.

Except for "There was a letter in the Daily Gazette, over the signature of a well-known criminal investigator..." Brother James addresses this letter via response to tell his tale. You see Mr. Well-known's deducing "... it was wrong, it was a mighty ingenious one all the same." But the truth must be told. In a way, then, our maybe-Holmes at least led to it coming out. Flushed it out, like so many a hound.

MacCoy, an older man "between fifty and sixty years of age," and "The two might very well have passed as father and daughter." I've quoted enough at this point, I'll stop now. I believe proof positive has been furnished that I, in fact, read this thing. You see, the cigar guy was James, the older gentleman obviously MacCoy, and the dead man the life-long beautiful boy then switched into boy's clothes, Edward. Long story short, McCoy accidentally shot Edward in an intervention gone tragically awry.

It is James who narrates this whole shebang, and whether he knows it or not, the whole shebang is a love story maybe even more-so than a murder mystery. His brotherly love for Edward, paired with a tinge of the fatherly varietal. The love of MacCoy for Edward, albeit platonic or otherwise (I'll shy away from fatherly), and even the bleeding-over for the older crook onto James, as he couldn't leave his blood on his hands especially after Edward's. So, in a manner of speaking, this The Man with the Watches is a love triangle.

James wanting what's best for Edward in his eyes, and MacCoy wanting much the same. With I'm certain Edward being torn twixt the pair. But more than that, between Sunday School and what he saw as his own true self. I hope big brother got his family Testament back. I also hope that Mom somehow knew of her boy's fate. She reads as maybe having a great deal of an inkling up until the bitter end. The most tragic part of this read is the thought of being a parent and not knowing. Not being cued-in, in the end-all. That's the part that'll stick with me.

I said I wouldn't but "His name was the last on her lips." Her baby boy, in her mind, making an honest London living.

::: very :::

*"JM Barrie and his Three Sherlock Holmes Pastiches" That posted here a bit of a while ago. Look for it. (Search Kaplowitz Media. on the right-side of your screen.)

ADDITIONAL READING: "Elementary, My Dear Watson" (Some Thoughts as to Sherlock Holmes Canon) (Search Kaplowitz Media. on the right-side of your screen.)

Online resources for this article include: Lit2Go, Doings of Doyle, Wikipedia (Sherlock Holmes (The Great Hiatus), Canon of Sherlock Holmes, Undershaw, Green goods scam), and The Arthur Conan Doyle Encyclopedia.

Villiger Cigars Cuellar Connecticut Kreme in Review

Villiger Cigars Cuellar Connecticut Kreme Robusto in Review

WRAPPER: Ecuadorian Connecticut Shade
BINDER: Dominican
FILLER: Dominican

FORMAT: Robusto
ORIGIN: Dominican Republic
INTENSITY: Mild

NOTES:
Morning stretches | Balcony (east-facing) | Driving into the sun without your eyeglasses on

Smokes a bit like hazy-sunny morning freshly-made bed. White linen. Lying in that, sipping tea from a white cup. Almost glaringly-bright with a softening haziness about the edges. Kaolin clay front and chalky back-end. White pepper bridges the gap twixt, and structures. White raisins, toffee, nougat. White PJs, stark furnishings. Pignoli cookies--pine nuts and doughy sweetness. Lightly roasted coffee. Suede under-belly.

Notes go for a consistent Sunday drive, 45mph all the way. Not a wind in the road which to wend. Windows rolled-down. Throw 'pasture' into the tasting notes. A pastoral blend. Wildflowers. Nice, even excellent nuances, but no further complexities beyond that lone aspect. Balance is tilted purposefully toward sweet; a single addition happens at mid-point with the addition of a sugary citrus orangeade sorta thing.

Performs just fine, nothing spectacularly bears mention there. I counted both zero hiccups as well as zero wows--much the same as its pleasing if not maybe wishy-washy dreamy profile. If you want sweet nothings pillow talk, and who doesn't at times, this is for you. Or over a spring balcony breakfast. A quite visual flavor profile. Illuminated if not illuminating meditations. I take character into account while grading.

Hypnopompia.

TASTE: A-
DRAW: A-
BURN: B+
BUILD: B+

FINAL GRADE: A-
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79

::: very :::

Villiger Cigars Cuellar Black Forest in (Poetic) Review

Villiger Cigars Cuellar Black Forest in (Poetic) Review

WRAPPER: Mexican
BINDER: Dominican
FILLER: Dominican

FORMAT: 5x48 Robusto (box-press)
ORIGIN: Dominican Republic
INTENSITY: Medium

NOTES:
Chocolate malt | Graphite | Vegetal

Now, a (perhaps doggerel) Limerick of an ode to this offering. I apologize for formatting issues, as depending on your screen, intended line breaks may suffer. (As may you while reading, regardless of your screen.) I've also taken a pair of other liberties via inclusion: 1. an additional (perhaps doggerel) Shakespearean couplet, and 2. double-spacing between lines to hopefully make easier any of those potential formatting woes.

The Cuellar's a cigar made by Villiger,

By looks, a spiced-dessert stick, you'd figure.

But then its spec-ial-ity

Proves to be a minerality--

And chocolate malt only-oft gets quite bigger.

The band reads 'black | forest,' is dyed verdant,

Tallied up--green tastes that much more appar'nt.

TASTE: B+
DRAW: B
BURN: B
BUILD: B+

FINAL GRADE: B+
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79

::: very :::

Villiger Cigars San'Doro Colorado Robusto in Review

Villiger Cigars San'Doro Colorado Robusto in Review

WRAPPER: Ecuadorian
BINDER: Nicaraguan
FILLER: Nicaraguan

FORMAT: Robusto
ORIGIN: TABOLISA (Oliva) Nicaragua
INTENSITY: Medium

NOTES:
Leather | Paprika | Milk chocolate

A granny-square crocheted afghan blend. A bit dusty; tick lesser-so muted. Red pepper-spices lazily lead, steered by sweet-soft cedar. Supple leather core, Mr. Goodbar elements.

TASTE: B+
DRAW: B
BURN: A-
BUILD: B+

FINAL GRADE: B+
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79

::: very :::

A Study in The Five Orange Pips from The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes

A Study in The Five Orange Pips [FIVE] from The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (1891. Spoilers ahead.)

Wherein both the weather and the comeuppances are equally and massively brutal. Also, the forces of nature flex their muscles over the want of man. Also again, both prior sentences essentially describe the same thing. Everyone in this tale is a victim of their own fate but really, who isn't? Even the homeward-bound revenging murderers of the three Upshaws see their Lone Star vessel sunk by Atlantic gales, Holmes' own retaliatory envelope of pips sent on-ahead to the states, be gosh-darned.

"The best laid schemes o' Mice and Men / Gang aft agley," So wrote Robert Burns in his poem To a Mouse. Everyone involved in FIVE is, most assuredly, a mouse--a good deal of them turned up with the plough. 

I recently picked up a used copy of The Baker Street Dozen* in which Isaac Asimov wrote this on FIVE: "It begins on a rainy and windy evening, though the weather has nothing to do with the case and plays no role." At this point you're probably ::: very ::: excited to see I've begun 'writing about the writings.' Not so fast, though, because this is going to happen all so fast. Succinctly, I feel he's dead wrong, full stop. The weather, in fact, is the tale's main character through which much of its happenings flow; its protagonist or something.

Forces of nature get top billing. Elements co-star. Or perhaps can be seen as at least the cohorts of antagonists toward man or something. Murderers proper, maybe even. A garden pool (water) kills Uncle Elias. A Chalk-pit, (earth) does in Dad, and we're back to the (water) for young Upshaw's untimely demise. Sure, men caused these deaths, only supposedly, really, but in a world of settings as characters, you get my gist. Don't even get me started on the wind that blew the Lone Star down, but here we go, anyway...

I've mentioned elsewhere** that perhaps somehow the sinking of the ship might be attributed to Holmes' swift justice. Or perhaps they never boarded the ship before that vengeance was served to them whilst still quite warm. But why then those pips, Holmes? Maybe to cover his own avenging retaliation? Not likely. From that article of mine, I referenced**: "a hopeless if not nihilistic adventure. A Seinfeld episode written by Meursault***." I most likely hit the proverbial nail on its proverbial head, if I may toot my own proverbial horn.

"It's a petty feeling, no doubt, but it hurts my pride. It becomes a personal matter with me now, and, if God sends me health, I shall set my hand upon this gang." Then immediately: "That he should come to me for help, and that I should send him away to his death--!" So Holmes feels some guilt but in a quite on-brand Holmesian fashion. He hates his misstep, being beat, even if there was no real path to victory at all. That's what I feel he's attempting to avenge--his error--not the loss of Upshaw--a man who came to him for assistance only to be let back out to his cold, wet death. And it is futile, it meaning It.

"All day the wind had screamed and the rain had beaten against the windows, so that even here in the heart of great, hand-made London we were forced to raise our minds for the instant from the routine of life and to recognise the presence of those great elemental forces which shriek at mankind through the bars of his civilisation, like untamed beasts in a cage." The shot is called at the story's on-set. Sealed as in Fate by Elias's ridiculously inexplicable error of burning the papers that might have been his only hope for mercy. Of course, in another elemental force--fire--the only one fully implemented by man in this whole sad shebang.

I've become confused, as I'm sure you have. If this is just a comedy of errors (an Upshaw who burnt papers, a Holmes who sent away another Upshaw), it's not all that funny, just dark, as in a dark and stormy night. And in a way--I sorta like it, so help me God. Errors on a meta-level though, and just maybe. A purposefully badly-told story in homage to Edward Bulwer-Lytton and his enduring hallmark of absolutely awful writing, Paul Clifford (1830). From that: 

"It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness." 

Perhaps the only error here was my own before I unraveled some things while writing my way through some things. Or maybe I purposefully butchered my way through parts of this, in keeping with what might just be a theme. Probably the former, but who am I to say?

::: very :::

*Doyle, Arthur Conan, Sir; McDiarmid, E.W.; et al, The Baker Street Dozen, New York, Congdon & Weed, 1987.

**On the "Five Orange Pips" from the Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle." (Try searching that up using what is found in quotation marks, in the Search Kaplowitz Media. field to the right of your screen.)

***The Stanger (The Outsider) Albert Camus [I forget now, why I went with the character instead of the author.]

Online resources for this article include: Poetry Foundation, Lit2Go, Wikipedia (The Five Orange Pips, It was a dark and stormy night). Special s/o & h/t to The Cesspudlians of London, Ontario, a scion society of The Bootmakers of Toronto.

A Study in The Adventure of the Six Napoleons from The Return of Sherlock Holmes

A Study in The Adventure of the Six Napoleons from The Return of Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle

This tale was first published by Collier's (US), then by the Strand Magazine (UK), in 1904. Sure, why not: SPOILERS AHEAD. (According to the chronology of Baring-Gould, it takes place in the year 1900.) Also, while reading this article, please pronounce in your head "mafia" in the same manner as does Gordon Ramsay pronounce "pasta."

What we have here is an early Edwardian Era mafia story. But mainly what we have here is an insightful look into the now fully-evolved relationship between Holmes and Lestrade. We have moved on from the official police questioning Holmes' tactics, right into accepting them enough so as to let Holmes dictate a nabbing. And it's not just that relationship in which we see further development take place. Watson has progressed from reading the great detective's hands, all the way to and through his poker face, and into his true machinations. "I who knew him so well."

But I get ahead of myself. Let's find some semblance of order, shall we?

We'll begin where the game is truly afoot--with Holmes rousing Watson from bed and instructing him to get into their waiting cab. Oh, and there's coffee set out on the table. I wonder as to the logistics of this. Since they reached their destination in half an hour, it seems improbable that Watson sat there and drank his joe. So he must have taken said joe to go. Upon a Starbucks 'Tall' amount of research, I see that Sir James Dewar invented the vacuum flask in 1892. So, the tech was there to keep a cuppa warm. However, I like to imagine the good doctor's coffee sloshing dreadfully about from his lovely cup. Jangling against its saucer as they sped toward Pitt Street.

Now the murder. A dead man grotesquely killed and left in so grizzly a state as to emotionally scar. His throat has been gashed and his personal effects include "an apple, some string, a shilling map of London, and a photograph." In my headcanon, this string is a garrote-- a weapon well-known to the mafia. Just ask Luca Brasi, who sleeps with the fishes. In any event, the photo introduces us to Beppo. Beppo who is quite ugly and also quite unlucky beyond that. His face is of a "Simian" and his luck is staggeringly bad, if only he'd just busted any of the correct first four busts, we'd have no story here at all and he'd have the Black Pearl of Borgias. And Holmes would not have been able to put a former case which he could shine no light on, finally to bed.

Prior to that, the case had already hit a pivotal point and also offered a somewhat interesting sidebar, each when we meet one Dr. Barnicot, an "Enthusiastic admirer of Napoleon." From the mouth of Lestrade, "Doctor Barnicot's bust of Napoleon was broken not far from his red lamp." The red lamp, at those times, was associated with the presence of a physician. Interestingly enough, red lamps, or lights, as in a Red-light district were in use since at least 1882. Those districts consisted of their own red lamps and about every form of debauchery you could think of--famously prostitution. Sting even sang a song about it. I'd imagine this dual use of red lamps and lights made for some ::: very ::: funny stories of a Sitcom varietal.

Kramer shows up at a red lamp with a toothache and winds up in a long-term relationship with a woman of ill-repute. LOL

As we go on, two things seem quite different to me in this tale as opposed to many if not all others. First, we see a slew of parts of London in a whirlwind yet unfamiliarly-so glanced-over and detached way. "In rapid succession, we passed through the fringe of fashionable London, hotel London, theatrical London, literary London, commercial London, and, finally, maritime London." I'm aware they are speeding through but that coldness of description is elsewhere and when did Doyle ever need more than a couple/few syllables to add texture or depth?

The second out-of-step stride from the norm is found in the dialog. As holmes takes notes of his questioning, Watson relates the answers in a rambling fashion wherein the questions are alluded to and not heard/written as the other party is left alone on paper to ramble. I liked this one, though. It lent a Dragnet-ian 'Just the facts, ma'am" vibe. Why did Holmes take the case notes and not Watson? Because Holmes works cases, Watson works Holmes. I'm actually surprised this isn't shown more often, really. Here, Watson simply tries a different take. Perhaps he's trying to learn the trick more indirectly by watching the reactions of those who are less familiar to him than Holmes.

I've mentioned a bit ago, Holmes dictating the nabbing. Lestrade on the couch and at rest thereon put me in mind of a line from A Supermarket in California by Allen Ginsberg. To paraphrase, 'What thoughts I have of you tonight, John Openshaw.' For if only Holmes extended young Openshaw the sofa instead of sending him out into that dark and stormy night what with children crying and sobbing in chimneys and whatnot. Again, this goes to show the true friendship developed. Plus, the Five Orange Pips is (probably) all about the forces of nature bending the wills of man. Fate vs. free will and definitely for another time, all that.

Then, finally, the lovely sentiment of Lestrade's puts the finest of points on camaraderie. "We're not jealous of you at Scotland Yard. No, sir, we are very proud of you, and if you come down to-morrow there's not a man, from the oldest inspector to the youngest constable, who wouldn't be glad to shake you by the hand." This, even after typical Holmes voila and jazz hands unfurling of facts. These guys all really admire each-other. This is a love-fest. Nothing of which sums it up much better than, "Put the pearl in the safe Watson." Really. Holmes needs to eat too, I mean the official police probably can't claim rewards, anyway.

::: very :::

I'd like to take a moment to remind you kind Gentlepersons that I write these thoughts under the assumption of you having read these adventures. They are readily available everywhere, including for free at Project Gutenberg as well as Wikisource (at times), where you can listen to it read, as well.

Online resources for this article include: Lit2GO, Crestline (The History of Travel Mugs and Tumblers), Wikipedia (The Adventure of the Six Napoleons, Red-light district), The Arthur Conan Doyle Encyclopedia, Poetry Foundation. Special shout-outs to The Sound of the Baskervilles scion society of The Baker Street Irregulars, and Rich Kriscianus.

Partagas Cigars Anejo Petit Robusto in Review III

Partagas Cigars Anejo Petit Robusto in Review III* (Annotating a Note**)

**Here I will be singularly focused on the first note to grab my attention, following its evolution and attachments to the end. "Follow that note!"

WRAPPER: Cameroon/Connecticut Shade
BINDER: Dominican
FILLER: Mexican, Dominican

FORMAT: Petit Robusto (4.5x49)
ORIGIN: General Cigar Dominicana
INTENSITY: Medium

NOTE: Cocoa butter

The little note that could. OR COULD IT? We shall see. It is nowhere in the first 1/4" of smoke, which is dominated by citrus and far slighter by caramel. Then light-roasted coffee beans, not even taken to the first crack. Then and only then, we get our cocoa butter at a half-inch of ash. Or is it nougat? No, it's cocoa butter, being squeezed twixt citrus and the rest. Which is how this smoke is breaking-down at this point-- 50/50 citrus and the rest. That rest is sweet pale dollops of melanges.

The retro-hale drops our note a bit more perceivably upon the palate. So that's good. I find it mostly on the back-end thereafter. In the thereafter's, thereafter, if you will. At an inch in, a white pepper comes aboard and boy, it sure is hard to see cocoa butter. Found it! A few puffs further and getting into the second third of this short-statured smoke, it's there on the ::: very ::: front-end. First to the table, as it were. Actually, it sets the table, as I realize I'm actually getting the cocoa butter delivered onto my lips from the wrapper itself more than the draw of smoke. Pre-draw.

Interesting, it stays thatta way as described does our note until the mid-point, when a malty note seems to sidle-up to it. At first, said malted attachment serves to amplify, but then, a new smoky bit grows from it and begins to hide the cocoa butter. Suddenly then, it's back to being present on the draw. I again begin to taste it on the leaf. I should note: this is not a flavored or sweetened tip, of course. I'm simply getting notes (including ours) put on my lips from it naturally-so. And it carries on-into the immediate front of the draw before quickly getting hidden. And then, a couple puffs from there... I no longer see it. 

Wavering. Final third. I feel like I'm driving at 10mph through a neighborhood, looking for the correct cul de sac. I'm terrible in that scenario. Hats off to delivery drivers and cabbies. One of the first things I wanted to be when I was growing up was a taxi driver. Never happened for me. I did try my hand at dispatching for a moment, though. I still feel sorry for those drivers, wherever the heck they wound up. WAIT A SECOND! I lick my lips and it's there--cocoa butter. I lick the cap and nothing. Take a draw, and nothing again. Huh?

It's not on the finish ether but beyond there, at the what? The end? Where the finish is done and before the next pull whisks it away. Why smack my lips and call me Cocoa Butter! Maybe the most visible amount yet. And that's how it stays, into the 3/3 and to the tooth-pick and then clay-pipe'd nub. Once in the pipe it is gone and gone forever, perhaps due to lack of mouth-leaf contact? What a trip. I remember cabbies in Brooklyn would always start the meter and then take the longest route possible.

Maybe I'm a cabbie, after all.

TASTE: A-
DRAW: A
BURN: B+
BUILD: A-

FINAL GRADE: A-
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79

A further note: I recall hearing stories of some tobacco growers masticating some tobacco leaves. I sometimes do this myself, when I'm smoking and a leaf finds its way into my mouth. And as we know, many a cigar smoker has been known to chomp a stogie. Truly an under-used method of exploration.

:::

*Below is the schedule of this 'Partagas Project.' You have just read 4. You'll notice I reserved this edition for (Something quirky). Well, I've used it also to include this Annotating a Note style of review I've used only ~twice in the past.

1. Intro (about the blend & project)
2. Review (Regular)
3. Review (Sherlock Holmes)
4. Review (Something quirky)
5. Review (Cigar Aficionado style)
6. Review (Limerick)
7. Review (Long-form)
8. Review (Flavor wheel)
9. Review (Kaplowitz Scale review)
10. Review (Doggeral poem)
11. Review (Primary tastes)
12. Overview

*[PLEASE NOTE: regardless of which installment of this multi-post project you come in on, you can find the rest of the entries by employing the Search Kaplowitz Media. function to the right of your screen. Try typing in "Partagas Project"] (These instructions were edited for clarity 4/23/22.)

::: very :::

CAO Cigars Pilon Anejo in Review

CAO Cigars Pilon Anejo in Review (A Cylindrical Cinderblock)

WRAPPER: Ecuadorian Sumatra
BINDER: Honduran Habano
FILLER: Nicaraguan, Dominican

FORMAT: Robusto (5.5x54)
ORIGIN: Honduras (HATSA)
INTENSITY: Full

NOTES:
Dark chocolate | Espresso | Smoked paprika

Boatloads of dark chocolate form much of the profile either directly or via their influence on other notes. Espresso, actually a Red Eye or Shot in the Dark (dependant upon your geographical placement) holds a calm line in the upper-middlings. Smoked paprika, cayenne, and a bit of red pepper put on a show up-top. Again, each is influenced by that chocolate, which via progression is joined by cocoa. Sharply-focused. Some table sugar on the retro-hale. This thing means rough and precision business. Also, beef jerky. At times, BEEF JERKY.

Top-to-bottom: heavily toasted barley, figs, black pepper, scorched oak, Worcestershire sauce, buckwheat honey, potting soil, and tamped-down black earth. All quite consistent. Excellent structure and complexity. Good balance. Some sharp edges here and there. Brawny sweet earthen olfactory highlighted by a thick leather that I never fully experience on the palate. Its oils would have dulled some edges, too. Still, an excellent inky smoke. I feel a bit like I need a flashlight to see my way at times. That said there is an intriguingly brighter roasted orange finish.

Built like a cylindrical cinderblock, stuffed fully and firmly-so, with silvery ash to mirror that exactly. The draw shows some resistance but we'll call it a half-hair above moderate. While the seams stay invisible, the cap does degrade a tick toward the final-third on account of that draw. Big, big smoke out-put has me wrapped in cowhide. Perhaps in a cow gut. It's a ::: very ::: meaty room now. Burn-line needs two retouches at the end of 1/3 and the beginning of 3/3. By the end, I'm inside a cow, at a steakhouse. And I'm a little dizzy. I taste dinner mint?

TASTE: A-
DRAW: A-
BURN: B+
BUILD: B+

FINAL GRADE: A-
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79

::: very :::

An Ode to Andrew Joliffe | The Adventure of the Abbas Ruby by Adrian Conan Doyle

An Ode to Andrew Joliffe | The Adventure of the Abbas Ruby by Adrian Conan Doyle

The Adventure of the Abbas Ruby is a tale within The Exploits of Sherlock Holmes pastiche collection. It was written by Arthur Conan Doyle's youngest son, Adrian. While the first part of the collection was penned with the aid of John Dickson Carr, this offering was Adrian Conan Doyle's alone. All told, the son spins a far-looser yarn than does the father... in a manner quite oddly reminiscent in vibe to that of The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes.

That, however, is a line of thought for another time. Mostly. Succinctly, Case-book is oft-seen as the least part of the Holmesian canon, a part which sometimes bears questions of the elder's authorial authenticity. Or perhaps, as some scholars would like to believe.

Digressing to the intent of this article, Who is Andrew Joliffe? He is, as we meet him, the panicked-to-shock butler of one Sir John Overton, horticulturist of note. Joliffe is now the (wrongly, he swears) prime suspect in the theft of the Sir's Abbas Ruby, and also, as he admits to Holmes, an ex-con on account of his role in the theft of the Catterdon diamond. These days, however, he is mainly preoccupied with the idea of saving his wages in order to buy his own cigar shop.

On the heels of The Hound of the Baskervilles case, does Joliffe barrel into 221b during a blizzardly night. ""Surely a client, Watson," Holmes replied, laying aside his book. "And on urgent business," he added, with a glance at the rattling window-panes." The comedically bundled-up for bear stout gent first passes out upon his arrival. He is revived via Watson's brandy, and then Holmes' newest client tells fully of his woe just in time to be dragged off by Inspector Gregson of Scotland Yard.

"Rest assured I will do my best for you [,Joliffe]. Well, Gregson, we will detain you no longer." Says Holmes.

::: A POEM :::

Now, a (perhaps doggerel) Limerick of an ode to Mr. Andrew Joliffe. I apologize for formatting issues, as depending on your screen, intended line breaks may suffer. (As may you regardless of your screen.)

There once was a man named Joliffe,
For our purposes, his name rhymed with cigar leaf.
He got into trouble and it nigh came back to him double,
Though Holmes thought the whole thing most improbable--
Solving the case he split his reward & with that Joliffe got to sell leaf.

::: very :::

A Study in Synesthesia and the Villiger Cigars La Flor de Ynclan

A Study in Synesthesia and the Villiger Cigars La Flor de Ynclan

Merriam Webster defines synesthesia as, "1 : a concomitant sensation especially : a subjective sensation or image of a sense (as of color) other than the one (as of sound) being stimulated. 2 : the condition marked by the experience of such sensations."

Often when I taste tastes, I get a sense of color. I see orange-reds particularly vividly. I'm not saying I hallucinate; I just am aware of the color being part of my experience. I tend to rarely mention this in cigar reviews and only fleetingly-so when I do. Sometimes a song or instrument enters my head when I taste tastes. Usually, Classical music because I'm super sophisticated and cultured. Being so intelligent, I recently got to thinking. 'I should take time to run with this,' was the thought.

& so I am, here. I'll be reviewing this Villiger La flor de Ynclan I have now in my hot little hands (actually, they're quite large and always quite cold) in such a manner as to ignore the senses of taste and smell in the interest of focusing on sight, feel, and hearing, all quite 'metaphorically'-so. Indirectly, say. Perhaps this will yield the truest way of relating a cigar experience. Perhaps it won't. The only guarantee I ever make is to try real hard until quitting seems the better option.

That said, what I've shared thus far rings as inadequate in terms of explanation. Perhaps that's because everyone, even guys like John Locke, has/have grappled with successfully defining synesthesia. Perhaps this additional attempt will serve to muddy-up the waters even further... there seems to be two noted types of this 'phenomenon.' The first is referred to as Projective. This exhibits as visualizing colors and shapes while an unrelated sense is being stimulated. The other, Associative, is experiencing a strong connection between stimuli and another seemingly uninvolved sense.

Yeah, I'm not sure either. I suppose the difference is between seeing and feeling, although in my personal experience there seems to be nary a delineation twixt. Let's just see what happens when I light this cigar, shall we? Before I head off to my humidor and return ready to additionally confound and/or confuse, Victor Hugo once said and/or wrote: "Tobacco is the plant that converts thoughts into dreams." Welcome to what just might be my quirky unconsciousness and my overt attempt at some semblance of albeit tenuous tangibility therein.

::: VILLIGER LA FLOR DE YNCLAN IN REVIEW :::

WRAPPER: Ecuadorian
BINDER: Indonesian
FILLER: Nicaraguan, Dominican

FORMAT: Robusto
ORIGIN: ABAM, Dominican Republic
INTENSITY: Mauve star-shapes

NOTES:
Old attic | Bees | Hurdy-Gurdy

A vision of an emotional old attic, full of dusty boxes. Various canary yellow forms with vibrating notched edges. Those two things out-of-the-gate and for a bit. Then joined by buzzing bees and undertones of thin, bright vertical green lines. A hurdy-gurdy, all alone, and then joined by the bees. I feel a pinecone and faintly-so Vivaldi (Spring, Four Seasons). Up... an upward movement. The bees are suddenly quite tickly... fuzzier.

A trumpet blast just past the mid-point. Sadness, overcome.

Big, happy globular dollops of squishy citrine here and there, distinct from canary. Movement is as slow as it is upwards. BOOM: Spruce trees; the tops from on-high--a visual and a feel. I can't tell if Shostakovich is a memory from earlier today or a sarcastic aspect of this experiment. The thought of memory playing a role in synesthesia is cloyingly sweet.

I almost catch a lighter-than-air pale purple, I feel like I pushed it away with a forwardly rising hand typically accompanying, "Now hear me out."

TASTE: Yellow
DRAW: Octagonal
BURN: Violin
BUILD: Healing

FINAL GRADE: n/a
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79

::: very :::

Online sources for this article include: Merriam Webster, Wikipedia (Synesthesia)

Partagas Cigars Anejo Petit Robusto in Review II

Partagas Cigars Anejo Petit Robusto in Review II

WRAPPER: Cameroon/Connecticut Shade
BINDER: Dominican
FILLER: Mexican, Dominican

FORMAT: Petit Robusto (4.5x49)
ORIGIN: General Cigar Dominicana
INTENSITY: n/a

For a Holmesian-inspired review of this Partagas Anejo offering, I have decided to look at it through the lens (of sorts) of two canonical stories. Also to don my own metaphorical deerstalker. The two tales are The Boscombe Valley Mystery and The Adventure of the Speckled Band. From that springboard, I'll be going off on somewhat of an experimental tangent (see: hat). There is at ::: very ::: least a method to my madness. I thought I'd offer you that much with which to take heart in.

From The Speckled Band: "That fatal night Dr. Roylott had gone to his room early, though we knew he had not retired to rest, for my sister was troubled by the smell of strong Indian cigars which was his custom to smoke." Aroma, room-note, the 'whlolfactory,' will play a role in this review, then. What causes these smelly smells, and how can that translate to taste? These clues will go a long way, for sure. I'll show my work throughout.

From The Boscombe Valley Mystery: "Light a cigar and let me expound." - Holmes to Watson. We'll drop a pin on that sentiment and find our way back to it in a tick. In the by and by, from later in the text: "He had even smoked there. I found the ash of a cigar, which my special knowledge of tobacco ashes enables me to pronounce as an Indian cigar. I have, as you know, devoted some attention to this, and written a little monograph on the ashes of 140 different varieties of pipe, cigar, and cigarette tobacco."

This is obviously all about the ash, in a visual sense. Bringing optics fully aboard, I'll stretch this sense into its longest possible length by incorporating all I see of the cigar as it burns. This, along with the aforementioned sense of smell, will be all I bring to this review (probably). Wild, huh? I have hopes it will prove somewhat instructional as well.

Remember that dropped pin? Here's where my '"experimental tangent" comes fully into play. From pre-light to trayed nub, I (to be redundantly clear) will be offering no flavor or first-person notes as to what I am 'getting.' I will simply be recording the above-mentioned senses and how they're stimulated--as if it is not myself smoking the Partagas Anejo, but someone else. (We sit close but not so close as to pre-light sniff the cigar.) I am simply searching the scene for mere trifles, in order to understand the quality and characteristics of the cigar being smoked in my presence.

So here we go in this, our little experiment, as I as Holmes, instruct I Watson, to retrieve a cigar from the coal-scuttle. (Why not play this up?) I wish I could hand it to another party, thus having facial gestures and body language fully at my disposal but alas, this is not currently an option. Hopefully and however, at the end of this all, I'll hear myself echoing the good doctor's "You have followed me wonderfully!" (The Adventure of the Resident Patient) as Holmes readily reads his thoughts.

A word before we commence: please do read more (canonical) Sherlock Holmes. Predominantly, that's what all of my Sherlockian posts ultimately try to accomplish. READ MORE.

::: THE REVIEW :::

The band is too large, perhaps made to be applied also to the thicker vitola of the blend*? Its BIG font wraps too far around to fully read from just the front. It covers much of the barrel, in fact. So I kindly but firmly instruct its removal. 

The barber-pole is uneven in that Cameroon is well-wider than Connecticut. Spicier more than smoother is what this leads me to believe. Of note is that the line of the double-wrapper is not even throughout. The CT strip begins at its mean, thins to almost zilch at mid-point, then reaches its thickest at the cap. So that I hypothesize intensity to travel medium, medium-full, mild-medium.

[There is no way to know if the wavering width of the CT (and Cameroon for that matter) is purposefully-done or not. Therefore, it won't factor into my "Build" grading.]

Furtherly eyeing the top-leaf shows a lesser-than moderate amount of bumps and veins. I do not visibly detect any hard/soft spots or shape irregularities. Seams seem well seamed, as does the cap appear well-affixed in a triple(?) manner. Therefore, no burn or draw bugaboos are predicted upon inspection. Some light oils are on the Cameroon which suggests a slight oiliness to smoke. the leaf at the foot is not at all dark and also includes some paler highlights. Doesn't appear to boast much nicotine or backbone. I'd guess sweet citrus from all available data.

"It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts." - Holmes, A Scandal in Bohemia.

As to continuing my prelight flavor guesstimates, I'd too assume little to no pepper. But a nice earthy/woody spice from the chocolatey Cameroon and more filler-type sight notes from the Connie shade. Tangy, but with some depth. Overall, I'd assume that depth of nuance, if not complexity, on account of the barber-pole alone. In this experiment, I am knowledgeable about the leaf and their characteristics because, like the Great Detective, "My job is to know what other people do not know."

Speaking of which, I expect the age** of each leaf to mellow it a good tick. I also know of the inclusion of Mexican leaf with no age-statement attached to it. Much newer and less mellowed, would be the assumption there. So more chocolate, add in coffee, and some darker spice--still not pepper, per se, is my guess. None too gruff due to its company. I also wonder where it is included. Perhaps in the taken as spiciest mid-point would make sense, if not the entire length. I doubt its appearance toward the cap (final third). I  also suspect the Dominican filler bits could perhaps dry the mouth-feel.

It lights with the slightest hesitation, speaking to oils and perhaps creams. Maybe too, a more moist vibe. I detect no squish between fingers so I dismiss moist (no draw issues) but keep an eye out. Heavier than moderate body. Plentiful smoke out-put, white, a bit thicker than average--serves to corroborate the previous notions. The ash is also white, telling no tells of acrid tendencies. The ::: very ::: whiteness of this ash could speak to sharpness, however... or simply staunch delineations. Burn-line is imperfectly fine and razor-thin, in accordance with its wrapper being well-aged.

The aroma is fairly muted-cushy, pointing again to a soft palate experience. I smell prior assumed notes and also a bit of cereal grain, some honey. Scant pale and lightly savory leather. A hint of exotic spice, a rumor of fleeting white pepper. Rumors are things you hear often-times. I quickly note there is no audible sizzling or popping, good. (Please pardon the added sense.) Back to visuals, I see a slow but not lumbering burn-rate. All indications lead to a rather mellow, mostly consistent affair. My chronicler has to retouch a slow-burning bit of mid-way-point Cameroon. Oily, then.

Judging by his cheeks, the amount of time he holds the smoke, and the frequency of his draws, there is an average pull-tension at most, and no ill effects from this again mellow smoke. The pace of the second-third burn slows noticeably. I hazard a guess that this is the most robust section, the darkest most nuanced notes. My olfactory sense would second that. I also begin to smell a bit of tanginess shortly thereafter the half-point. The time between each draw expands. He begins to smack his lips. Saliva seems to build, judging from mouth movements and slurping sounds.

The time-between expands again as the width of Connecticut does as well, here in the final third. A more salty, malty earth is smelled, with a rise in tanginess, a struggling dusty sweetness. I see his eyebrows knot on a singular pull. He sips his sweetened drink. Sour. The ash grows darker and I begin to detect the probability of an acrid entrant. I smell bright flowers, then untethered, indistinguishable things. Of course, I could simply ask the poor fellow what he, in fact, has experienced but I am well-known to return his thoughts quite harshly. 

"You have degraded what could have been a course of lectures into a series of tales." - The Adventure of the Copper Beeches. 

I lift my violin instead. A sweet sound just might serve to offset that troublesome sharply-sour conclusion. If it spills out-into the melancholy London streets, all the better.

TASTE: n/a
DRAW: n/a
BURN: A-
BUILD: A-
PRESENTATION: B+
OLFACTORY: B+

FINAL GRADE: B+
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79

*At a time, I'd have maybe guessed this potentially spoke to an overall sort of 'meh' in regards to the project that is this blend but knowing the current cost of paper, as well as the materials used, I simply noticed and moved on. Plus, the over-sized font could be exaggerating this.

**Cameroon 1998, Connecticut Shade 2013.

::: ALMOST DONE :::

Below is the schedule of this 'Partagas Project.' You have just read 3. (For which, as Holmes told Watson in The Adventure of the Empty House, goes just the same for me to you, "I owe you a thousand apologies.")

1. Intro (about the blend & project)
2. Review (Regular)
3. Review (Sherlock Holmes)
4. Review (Something quirky)
5. Review (Cigar Aficionado style)
6. Review (Limerick)
7. Review (Long-form)
8. Review (Flavor wheel)
9. Review (Kaplowitz Scale review)
10. Review (Doggeral poem)
11. Review (Primary tastes)
12. Overview

[PLEASE NOTE: regardless of which installment of this multi-post project you come in on, you can find the rest of the entries by employing the Search Kaplowitz Media. function to the right of your screen. Try typing in "Partagas Project."] (These instructions were edited for clarity 4/23/22.)

::: very :::

Online sources for this article include: Lit2Go and Good Reads.

Punch Cigars Rare Corojo (2022) Aristocrat in Review

Punch Cigars Rare Corojo (2022) Aristocrat in Review

WRAPPER: Ecuadorian Sumatra
BINDER: Connecticut Broadleaf
FILLER: Nicaraguan, Honduran, Dominican

FORMAT: 6.125 x 40/54 Figurado
ORIGIN: Honduras (HATSA)
INTENSITY: Medium

NOTES:
Citrus | Caramel | Paprika

Citrus and white pepper out-of-the-gate in a slightly muffled boom. They settle in and evolve warmly, digging trenches via their progression. Citrus churns out its own paprika accompaniment, as does white pepper find an at the time independent sweet cedar. Caramel comes onboard. All swirl about in a delineated although bleeding-over-boundaries manner. Paprika picks up other red spice accompaniments and steers slowly, easily. Supple pale leather laid out over dirt trail under-belly. A lingering glance at black tea leaves.

Exceptionally well-balanced and consistent. Transitions make sense as aforementioned evolutions and never occur in a jarring manner. Nicely nuanced, complex enough. A goodly creamy body that lasts into a sweet lightly-spiced finish. On the far-end there is an ashy quality of the variety normally found in a tray bottom. Or on a tabletop, if you use a cigar rest. This proves to progress alongside other more kindly progressions, then drops off at mid-point. Whew! At all times, an excellent smoke, at some times a bit of a sedated but wacky near-riot.

Insofar as performance, a ding is a tight draw. While expected in this type of format, it is particularly snug in the opening-third, to the point of concern. It almost won't smoke out-of-the-gate. It loosens, but never all the way. By the bulge, you at least get a sated smoke-hole. Thereafter, you get a lot of a quite thin in the hand and lips feeling stick. That said, all else in terms of construction and combustion is A1. (Now I think I tasted diluted steak sauce.) The ash is notably solid as are seams and cap. Smokes like lazily side-stepping a charging bull during a calm late-Spring picnic.

TASTE: A-
DRAW: B
BURN: A
BUILD: A-

FINAL GRADE: A-
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79

::: very :::

A Three Pipe Problem in 50 Minutes Flat | Sherlock Holmes, The Adventure of the Red-Headed League

A Three Pipe Problem in 50 Minutes Flat | Sherlock Holmes, The Adventure of the Red-Headed League

“It is quite a three pipe problem, and I beg that you won’t speak to me for fifty minutes." If these three pipe-fulls were smoked within the stated 50 minutes and that 50 minutes was on-the-nose accurate, Holmes proves to be quite the prodigiously hyperactive ruminator. But is this an even possible achievement? Let's essay...

First, let's look at the pipe itself. His clay, unlike his long cherry-wood, bears no mention in canon as to its approximate length. Pipemakers of that period, however, seemed to have been cranking out 5-18" long offerings. Since we have no mention of neither long nor short as pertaining to Holmes' "disreputable" smoking device, let's split the difference by falling on the mean--at 11.5". This is still a tick on the long-side. A longer pipe means a cooler, slower smoke, but also a smaller bowl (less tobacco), usually. Finally, clay pipes are known to smoke hot. Read: fast.

Now, the tobacco. The cut of his shag then would be coarser and more irregular than today's of the same type. This would mean that it would tend toward burning slower. Adding to a guesstimate of pace could be the fact that he kept said shag in a Persian slipper. I outline why this seemingly odd container isn't necessarily a terrible idea in my article: "What Would Happen if You Were to Keep Your Cigars & Pipe Tobacco as Sherlock Holmes Kept His? (Sherlock Holmes Day 2021)" From there, this--

"Days would be how long pipe tobacco lasts in a cloth or leather tobacco pouch. Cloth or leather is what Persian slippers are made out of ... Let's go a step further in ideating. The pointed toe of a Persian slipper really packs in the freshness, and jamming some new shag down atop old, adds moisture." Days upon days, then? Conceivably. Also, Holmes smokes a goodly bunch, to say the least. Not much would be left-over to further dry-out at any given time.

So perhaps his tobacco wasn't overly dry. Of important note, pipe tobacco does not require the exacting, often painstaking humidification of cigars. In fact, many pipe smokers today, hold their stashes indefinitely in Mason jars, which were patented in 1858 by Mr. John Landis Mason. So if the Persian was doing damage to Holmes' keep, I'm sure he'd have employed other existent options. Suffice to say, his pipes probably weren't burning at any problematically rapid rate of speed.

So it would seem now that we have the gettable data in-hand. Being a professional smoker of sorts, I can offer up the hypothesis, again, all things considered (including my own experience as an almost exclusive clay pipe smoker), that it would take barely more than 25 minutes to smoke one pipe within these confines. Speaking of confines, Holmes was indoors, not outside where wind or mist could sway pacing one way or the other. I'll concede as much as 30 minutes per loaded pipe for argument's sake. Perhaps his thoughts distracted him from his puffings.

That would make his three (clay) pipe problem offer-up a runtime of roughly 90 minutes. In fact, to smoke all three within 50 minutes would mean sitting with each for only around 16 and a half minutes. We then must look at why this fails to add up. Sure, we can blame Watson's sometimes flimsy chronicling. We cannot, however, say Doyle didn't know his way around tobacco. Also of note is that Holmes is portrayed as being calm, even to the point of Watson wondering if he "had dropped asleep," as he smoked this pipe in REDH. Perhaps the "appendage" of his body was simply supplying the necessary fuel of his amazing brain's needs?

Quite simply it doesn't add up. Until, in Holmes' famed words: "When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." - The Sign of the Four. Well, this doesn't exactly fit but eliminating the impossible does work here. And it is, as luck would have it, eliminated by itself. "when he suddenly sprang out of his chair with the gesture of a man who has made up his mind and put his pipe down upon the mantelpiece." his unfinished pipe, I'd say. Most likely seeing its remnants eventually dried and smoked in the next morning's dottle-filled bowl.

So, smoking three pipes in 50 minutes is not possible, to answer my own question rhetorically asked up-top. Here's the thing, however, Holmes asked for an exact 50 minutes and mentioned an inexact three pipes; perhaps that's all the 'baccy he had on hand? Later in REDH it becomes apparent that he had the case solved and the rest was leg-work to prove his assumption correct. Maybe he just used 'three pipes' as a means of describing meditation on a problem, but really meant that he needed precisely ten minutes to get ready in order to leave at the top of the hour.

"Sarasate plays at the St. James’s Hall this afternoon,” he remarked. “What do you think, Watson? Could your patients spare you for a few hours?"

::: very :::

Online resources for this article include: History Myths Debunked, Wikipedia (Mason jar), Project Gutenberg, and The Best of Sherlock.

Villiger Cigars La Libertad in Review

Villiger Cigars La Libertad in Review (I was wrong about the kitchen.)

WRAPPER: Ecuadorian
BINDER: Nicaraguan
FILLER: Dominican, Nicaraguan

FORMAT: Robusto (552)
ORIGIN: Nicaragua
STRENGTH: Medium

NOTES:

Spice | Floral | Citrus

Lots of reddish-orange-colored spice. Orange notes, as well, in the slightly medicinal sweet-citrus manner I see in many Villiger offerings. Here, I don't see it in an egregious amount. Those spices: turmeric (an odd bird in cigars), ginger, coriander (another oddity), and cinnamon. Is a curry powder assembling under my nose? Maybe. Nevertheless, good helpings of sweet spices with floral, citrusy attachments. Oh, and all this is mixed in a cedar bowl that sits in a sunny, airy kitchen.

Floral bits are dandelion and chamomile. Further back is a cardamom and table sugar cushioning. A flaky pie crust. The chamomile exhibits enough apple tendency to form an apple pie with said crust. The spice array works well there, as well. Quite complex, well-orchestrated, and balanced. Seems to operate on a rare flavor wheel. Underneath it all rests a campsite on a chilly morning, the sun has mostly risen. Sunlit earth, a tick of vegetation. [White peppercorn.]

A cigar that improves via progression. The profile begins to transition into a more tethered one after the opening third. The medicinal hints fade-away. Also, the draw improves from hesitant to fine about then. Too, the pacing slows, and the burn evens (after a slight re-touch). Ash is ::: very ::: dense, rolling-off only stubbornly-so. The pack softens-some about a quarter-inch ahead of burn. Both seams and cap assemblage are excellent. Aroma? How do you bake an apple pie on camping grounds? (I was wrong about the kitchen.)

TASTE: A-
DRAW: B+
BURN: B+
BUILD: A-

FINAL GRADE: A-
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79

::: very :::

Punch Cigars Knuckle Buster Maduro in Review

Punch Cigars Knuckle Buster Maduro in Review

WRAPPER: Connecticut Broadleaf
BINDER: Indonesian
FILLER: Nicaraguan

FORMAT: Toro
ORIGIN: Honduras (HATSA)
INTENSITY: Medium-full

NOTES:
Baking chocolate | Black pepper | Cumin

Straight-forward and consistently-so. Not linear, per se. Quite hefty and quite more black peppery, but not in a cumbersome nor abrasive manner. You get the baking chocolate, cumin-led red spices (paprika, cayenne), and they're pulled forward by a casual juggernaut of black peppercorn, cracked here and there. The rest is a weighty far-down underbelly of inky earth, made savory via leathery inclusions.

A ding in performance is a tick of a resistant draw, which shows some hesitance as well. Nothing major, but present nonetheless. Burn is quite nice although each time the ash is rolled off, the top-leaf threatens to lag some. One retouch is lightly-required at mid-point. The ash--dense with an oily core clings exceptionally well in a slightly splintered sheath. Oily core can also be used as a 2/3 and on descriptor of profile.

A nicely balanced, rather rudimentary but pleasing blend. No real complexities but decently transitional as both alluded to and up-coming, and okay depths. I will say it finishes darkly sweet on long legs and then ends cleanly. Definitely not the brute I'd prepared for but also as  (more) definitely not a light-weight. Espresso comes in near the final third and on-out, as sweet meaty aromas linger about.

TASTE: B+
DRAW: B
BURN: B+
BUILD: A-

FINAL GRADE: B+
A 90-100 B 80-89 C 70-79

::: very :::

The Kaplowitz Media. Podcast | Episode One

The Kaplowitz Media. Podcast | Episode One

You might have noticed some scant time ago, I changed the name of my podcast from Kaplowitz Radio to Kaplowitz Media. It has been a tick of time since I've podcasted there. Said podcasting will now commence under this rebranded banner of Kaplowitz Media., tying those audio efforts in perfectly with this (obviously) already existent blog of the same name. Please enjoy my first offering back. And do pardon any ring rust. In it, I read a handful of my recent blog posts.

The Kaplowitz Media. Podcast is available on many podcast players, please subscribe to it on whichever of those you prefer. Or, listen below. 

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