Things I Cared About This Month Other Than Cigars (#one, 1/18)

(royal rumble)

AJ STYLES

AJ Styles beat the odds at this year's Royal Rumble edition by defeating a ganging-up Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn in a triple threat match with his belt on the line. Even though Styles has worn said WWE strap since November, he's since been operating in the background of a rather drawn-out feud twixt Owens, Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon -- now perhaps he can step outta that somewhat limiting fray. All this, fall-out from April's "Superstar Shakeup."

The Phenomenol One didn't have an easy go Sunday, there was even controversy re: the win's legitimacy, as it seemed Zayn was the legal man in the ring when Owens was pinned. All seemed sealed, humsoever, as it is now official that AJ will be taking on Shinsuke Nakamura in the Wrestlemania 34 Main Event. The two combatants are no strangers to one-another, having squared off prior for the IWGP Intercontinental Championship at Wrestle Kingdom 10 at the Tokyo Dome in 2016.

NAKAMURA

In a plot twist of substantial torque, the Freddie Mercury inspired Japanese sensation Shinsuke Nakamura came out atop the other 29 Royal Rumble entrants to secure his WWE title shot at Wrestlemania. The fella whom dismissed Roman Reigns at the 44:25 mark to gain his improbable victory, has admitted to never watching a Royal Rumble match prior. That kinda rubs the the wrong way.

Asuka won the inaugural Women's Royal Rumble bout, giving this year's edition quite the Rising Sun feel, as this was the first time an Asian won the bout. Perhaps this explains the Men's version going off prior to the women's. Nakamura is now ichiban for the ages, not Asuka.

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BASEBALL PUNX

PunkNews has debuted its 14-track baseball-themed compilation, Baseball Punx. Contributors include: Mischief Brew, Taxpayers, The Isotopes, Puig Destroyer, and more. More as in more. Not More. Other bands... not a final band named More. Savvy? Sweet. This is part of a larger project, a Jak Kerley directed docu delving into the baseball-punk connection.

Give a listen HERE.

BULLET CLUB

Cody Rhodes turned on Kenny Omega at a couple days ago NJPW New Beginning show. This immediately on the heels of Omega losing his IWGP United States Championship strap to "Switchblade" Jay White in surprising fashion. In-ring after loss, Bullet Club came down to the ring en masse. Frustrations not allowing cooler heads to prevail, Kenny shoved Matt Jackson over and The Young Bucks went backstage. Just when all feathers finally seemed unruffled, Cody grabbed Omega from behind and hit him with a Cross Rhodes.

Will there be a bloody coup atop Bullet Club wherein ballots are cast by the faction's nom de ring? Who knows? No-one yet. Although Kenny Omega yesterday did tweet a somewhat cryptic "A new beginning." One can't help but wonder as to how the rest of Bullet Club feels about this and how those feels will influence the way this all shakes out.

KETCHUP

Maintaining a strict training camp is paramount to victory in the cage. Being as such, Quinton "Rampage" Jackson went the extra mile in the prep for his Jan. 20th Bellator 192 show-down with Chael Sonnen. He quit ketchup. No word on whether or not catsup was also given the boot, although a case can be made that it was strongly implied.

The tomato-based condiment starved and somewhat nearing expiration date Jackson lost via unanimous decision. I imagine all sorrow on his part was drowned in the red stuff he's adored since kidhood.

PATRICE O'NEAL

A look ahead to next month so as to plan yer calendar accordingly. The 6th annual Patrice O'Neal Comedy Benefit touts performances by Brendon Burns, Bill Burr, Pete Correale, Joe DeRosa, Sam Jay, Robert Kelly, Jessica Kirson, Jim Norton, Cipha Sounds and Rich Vos. All in a lovely effort to continue the late comic's financial care of his family.

All pertinent ticket info is HERE. Attend if at all possible, Gentlepersons. A great show for a great cause in the name of a great comic.

RAISIN BRAN

It's the perfect cereal. That is all. Wait. There's more: I've been enjoying Kellog's offering of the classic cereal for some time. I just purchased a box of Post for comparrison's sake. Preliminarily, I'll note that Kellogs has the upper-hand on Bran, whilst Post has the leg-up on Raisin. More as the story unfolds.

RAW 25th ANNIVRSARY

Stone Cold, The Undertaker, and DX led a 'stunning' trip down memory lane as the old Attitude Era brigade returned to RAW airwaves in celebration of 25 years and in homage to... themselves? Everything old was new again -- or at least again again -- as the night fed the jones of seasoned fans. It perhaps fell short of enticing them into the new era and maybe more-so perhaps leaving the youngster on-lookers out of the loop for a week. They'll get over it, fucking snowflakes.

As alluded to via groan-inducing pun, we were off quicker than the proverbial hiccup and in a more colorful manner than the too proverbial crimson mask, when Austin stunned Shane, then VKM. Curious was a complete lack of mic time for the Texas Rattle Snake. Less curious is how many tossed beers the aging (but looking great) Austin fumbled. Behold, the (subtle) ravages of age.

The Dead Man cut a promo of some sort, "Something something something dark side." After last Wrestlmania's loss to Roman Reigns, Taker took a powder and seemingly retired. Maybe he's got another go left in the old tank? He looked to also be in top shape but did fall short of announcing anything re: his gas gauge and certainly not his unbeweaveable hair extensions. 

Degeneration-X pulled off a Rolling Stones moment of youthful rebellion in antiquated vessels and posed for a great family picture. This backstage in the RAW hosting Manhattan Center. 

There was more but I won't delve. I'll state the low-point of the woman's four-on-four contest which kiboshed nigh all pop but end on the high-spot of AJ Styles growling "Let me tell you something Mean Gene..." in addressing the Hulking elephant not present in the room.

STIPE MIOCIC

Heavyweight champ Stipe Miocic set a UFC record for consecutive defenses, retaining his title for the third time. This at UFC 220 at Bean Town's TD Garden and via a 50-44 across-the-board UD over Francis Ngannou. This on the heels of Ngannou being deemed the next big thing and the bout being seen by some as a coronation.

Come the second stanza, the KO artist by way of Cameroon began to look winded as Miocic went about his merry grinding way of patiently pecking his man to pieces. The W gives 35-year-old Croatian an 18-2 record, whilst the L sees 31-year-old Ngannou move to 11-2.

TANK GIRL

Tank Girl turns 30 this up-coming April. As a gift for whomever, Titan Comics will be releasing a colorized version of the original black&white issues. Tank Girl: Full Color Classics 1988 – 1989 will visually appear just as Jamie Hewlett and Alan Martin wanted them to way-back when. The end result will be a collection of six books replete with never-before-seen artwork.

I prefer black&white. As proof, just look around here at my digs.

XFL

If Magnum, P.I can get the ol' re-boot, why not 2001's XFL Vincent Kennedy McMahon's football league experiment? Back then, the XFL stood for made for adult entertainment TV anarchy up to and including a human coin-toss at each game's start. This iteration, humsoever, seems to have lack of hype as its hype with words like family-friendly and/or safety bandied about alongside a promise of lack of politics (although a demand to stand is political) and the promise of squeaky-clean players. My thoughts? While the first XFL lasted a sole season, the over/under on the re-launch, I'll place securely at three.

The real story here is that with VKM's split attentions on the nigh looming horizon, there exists now a time-line for Paul Levesque (HHH) taking further the helm of the WWE.

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"Willing Toupee" Kaplowitz Radio: January 31, 2018