Saturday, June 4, 2016

"What If..." Triple Crown Horse Racing Under Marquess of Queensbury Boxing Rules

WHAT IF...
NYQUIST TOOK ON EXAGGERATOR IN A TRIPLE CROWN RUBBER-MATCH 
FOUGHT UNDER BOXING'S MARQUESS OF QUEENSBURY RULES
THE PRESS CONFERENCE
Exaggerator enters first. He's wearing an old school grey cotton sweatsuit. Black stocking cap rolled up high and tight. He looks a bit like a grainy black and white photograph of War Admiral in 1937. Nyquist enters and a bit on the tardy side. He's wearing a nylon wind-suit, name brand (I won't mention which, for they are not a sponsor). His basketball shoes are untied, his hat brim, un-bent.

No words are spoken, for they are equines, gentlepersons. At a point, tensions rise and the two stand nose to nose. It is time for the obligatory stare-down. Neither budge. Nyquist seems smaller because of carriage not presence. in reality, they're round-abouts the same size. Exaggerator's sweatsuit is stained, its cuffs frayed. Nyquist still has the tags and stickers on his clothing.

Kent Desormeaux closes out the pre-fight festivities in an unfortunate manner by threatening to tap Mario Gutierrez with his car, "... like he was a crossing guard."

Of the greatest importance during the start, it is announced that Exaggerator has been pulled from Belmont and that he and Nyquist will square off on that same date of June 11th. When asked how the ponies-cum-pugilists felt about this move, neither commented, as they remain equines, gentlepersons.

The draw starts a bit tight and I nibble some more off the Isabela's end. There we go. Here come the produce peppers forefront with vanilla backdrop. Great consistency. I've smoked a good few Sparkle offerings now and yeah -- consistent -- in terms of combustion, construction, and flavor. I also just chewed on this stick through a Muhammad Ali tribute Kibbitz, so it's a few ticks dampened.
TALE OF THE TAPE
EXAGERRATOR
Sire: Curlin
Dam: Dawn Raid
Sex: Colt
Bred: Joseph B. Murphy, KY USA
Color: Dark bay/brown
Owner: Big Chief Racing
Trainer: Keith Desormeaux
Jockey: Kent Desormeaux
Record: 11: 5-3-1
Earnings: $2,071,120

NYQUIST
Sire: Uncle Mo
Dam: Seeking Gabrielle
Sex: Colt
Bred: Summerhill Farm, KY USA
Color: Bay
Owner: Reddam Racing
Trainer: Doug O'neill
Jockey: Mario Gutierrez
Record: 9: 8-0-1
Earnings: $4,954,200.00

THE CIGAR
Isabela Cigar Co.
"Sparkle"
Robusto 5 x 52
w. Ecuadorian des Flor
b. Nicaraguan Media Tiempo
f. Nicaraguan

&
The LIBATION
(as this is not a review, per se)
Manischewitz Blackberry Wine
24oz (I count calories)
THE BLOW-BY BLOW

ROVNDS I II III
Nyquist. All Nyquist. He's out of the shoot smooth and fast and doesn't waver even the hintiest of a tick. Galloping over flawless hoof-work, the Kentucky Derby winner has Exaggerator perplexed -- still the Preakness victor stays comfortable in his skin and doesn't come loose.

Great vanilla bracing and balance to the produce section peppers... jalapeno, mainly. Almond paste is schmeared atop the dirt under-belly. Fresh hay notes fleshes out the middlings. Mouth-feel is clean and freshly creamy. Hello. My name is Kaplowitz. My friends call me Kap. My friends all smoke Isabela. I do hope to hear ya call me Kap.

Nyquist scores a flash knock-down mid-way through the 3rd. 30-26 in favor of Nyquist, on my somehow unofficial scorecard. 

ROVNDS IV V VI
You can't tell by Nyquist's game-face, but the colt is getting gassed. Or at least thinking of getting gassed. There's something about Exaggerator's tough-guy image that no matter what, lets through a view of the light-hearted yearling whom liked to play fetch with visitors. Look at young tough guy George Foreman, now knowing that sir went on to sell the Foreman Grill. He even got my middle-aged Jewish yenta mom to buy one in his marketing hay-day. 

Come the 5th, O'neill smooths and settles Nyquist into the tact of stealing rounds. Winning 1/3 of the round so impressively that the other 2/3 aren't fully looked at by the judges (me). 60-53, Nyquist. A fight breaks out at the star-studded event; we later will find out that California Chrome bit off Mike Tyson's right ear during the melee. This Isabela is a classic medium done up Cuban-classically with a sugar-affixed cap. That zetz of sweetness has now worn off. The tobacco is an inherent sweet which carries through.

ROVNDS VII VIII IX
Suddenly, Nyquist comes loose. Exaggerator scores an knock-down in the 7th. With a minute left in the round, the Kentucky Derby victor is on Queer Street, but The Preakness winner can't put him away. Eighth round sees Nyquist on his bike, recovering -- but with Exaggerator controlling pace. In the Ninth is a rejuvenated Nyquist who again tires at round's end and almost seems to want to get KO'd. 86-83 Nyquist, Exaggerator is seeing time tick away, but too somehow impressing. As the fight become more tense, Zab Judah and Lani are over-heard quietly counseling one another.

Lettuce speak to this Isabela's construction and combustion. Quite minimal and even softening of pack. Even too is the draw tension and its smoke-hole results. Good smoky out-put from both ends. Burn-line is vastly even with occasional self-correcting slight bugaboos. Also, strength is a medium which on occasion spikes up a +. Room-note sweetly kind.

ROVNDS X XI XII
Exaggerator sweeps the tenth and then championship rounds. No more knock-downs, and it's somewhat frustrating, the dark bey's inability to close it out. He does win the 11th convincingly enough to declare 10-8, on my again somehow unofficial scorecard. Winner by Unanimous Decision of 113-112: Exaggerator. Keith Desormeaux is heard reiterating he can make a slow horse fast, then lamenting that he cannot instill killer instinct.

A straight-forward smoke with many a miniature transitioning. Albeit a limited menu, the cuisine ain't boring. This Blackberry Manischewitz is like drinking jelly. It is marvelous, gentlepersons. It pairs well, to boot. Pulling up more sweetness and playing well with the Isabela's almond leanings.


EXAGGERATOR  9 9 8 9 9 9 10 10 10 10 10 10 = 113
NYQUIST............ 10 10 10 10 10 10 8 9 9 9 8 9 = 112
FALL-OUT
Keith Desormeaux faces a probable suspension as Nyquist's A-sample tests positive for Meldonium. At this writing, we are waiting on Sample B. Alexander Povetkin has reached out to both Nyquist and Mr. Desormeaux publicly via promoter Andrey Ryabinsky. "Don't have worries." Assures Mr. Ryabinsky. "These thing work out, no?"

Cool smoke to the nub. Delineation stays intact the duration. As would the ash, if you wanted to play that game. Me? I roll off every solid inch and each time it fights me. I tell it I ain't that kinda showy. Another glass of Manischewitz, and it'll be rebutting me.
As ever and always, gentlepersons -- I appreciate yer readership more than words (mine anyways) can express.